Back at it!

Here I am again, asking myself why do I forget how good it feels to take better care of me. I spent 2 solid years at my goal weight as determined by weight watchers,and than when covid hit, the downslide began. Gym closed, walking outside was my go too, but boredom set in. I took up bread baking, HELLO !! does that sound like a good idea or a way to keep myself at goal weight??!! Nope and as one could expect, I gained weight and sadly kept gaining. I find myself 57 pounds above my goal weight as determined by me as I know what weight was hard to maintain and that was 73 pounds from where I am now. I went from 261 to 137 and I was amazed at how tiny I was ( for me) all those years of claiming big bones, well I am not big boned, Ha ha! In total I went from 261 to 137, down 124 pounds, gained back 7O over 3 years, and am committed to lose 57 bringing me to 150! So finially here I am ready to get serious and bring myself back to my happy weight, as I said 57 pounds from here. I will happily blog ( not sure why I gave that up either, walk, and follow Weight watchers as it has always worked me in the past and is a heathy way for me to eat. Some things have changed since I last posted here, actauuly many things have changed, as i said I reached goal. I also added 3 grandchildren to the one I had. I live along now, I see a guy but we live separately and I am happy living alone. Two of my grandchildren, along with one of my daughter's and my son in law live in the apartment below me, though they are house hunting so that will change. My younger daughter loves across town with her fiance and family, including my youngest grandchild whom is 18 months,Norah. Life is good, there has been some painful changes and too many to tick off all at once here, but along with my commitemnt to take back my healthy lifetstyle, my commitment to this blog will bring to light so many things that have changed since last posting! I think I attached a recent photo of I and sweet Norah, but I must admit the format is differnt from my last attempt at blogging and I am rusty. Finding phots of me is a tad harder as well, as as I gained i regained my stellar skill of avoiding being in pitures. I have not entirely giving in to the picture avoidance I think it is important to capture the moments as things change, we lose people and we would love to have those moments caught on camera. Loss of loved ones is a big cange that occured over the years since I last posted. So here it is, my commitement to post again, today I have a walk scheduled and some heathy eating! Next post will see how accountable I stayed that that intent!

Changes

While looking for a new home for a blog I had on the Weight Watchers site ( they are eliminating that privilege) I was advised by my Dear daughter to try this site. While logging in as what I thought would be a new user, my email sent me to this blog, I had completely forgotten that 5 years ago my other daughter had started to help me move my blog to a more public site! I am pleased to see some of my posts had been archived and hope that it makes my transition easier. I am choosing not to try and frantically move years 2011 through present to this blog and will instead fill in some blanks as we go. 2012 thru 2015 I lose 4 people in my life, two mother's one biological the other by marriage, my brother and my dad and I ate through my grief. December of 2015 I dragged myself to a Dr with complaint of unendeing fatigue that I attributed to grief, and learned that I had suffered a silent heart attack, and it was my turn to take care of me of let my familie's loss's continue, and here I am, thrity pounds down and the journey continues. That is as brief of a summary as I can muster, LOL, so as to not rehash what so many of my fellow Weight Watchers have already read more than once while on the Weight Watchers Community site. What you can expect to read here is the challenges, and successes of me losing my emotional eating habit, regaining my health as I lose my weight and finally conquer the biggest struggle of my life, my weight, You ready? I am!!

I am Here!

On March 27th, here is an excerpt of my post
"The next time I blog about a loss it will be the announcement
that I have hit 195 and then 190 and 185 and so on.....it is my way of
weaning myself off the posting about the weekly weight loss or not. I
want to just mark increments. My reasoning is I see that this is going
to get harder and harder as I approach my goal weight and I really want
to mark my success's at the gym, or at the dinner table as they are the
success's that will keep my weight off and I will not always be
rewarded with a loss, and I am 60 pounds away from not needing to lose
weight, so I want the focus for me to be on my behavior successes!
Next Stop 195!!"
Well today I am here and I could not be happier! It is no mistake that I keep reminding myself that the actual numbers of pounds I lose is not the journey, it is the lessons I am learning and the changes in my beliefs about food and exercise, because without those lessons, I know the weight will come back, I have learned that through experience.
This week has been busy with work and I have struggled by not planning and that has left me grabbing meals on the fly and ordering off a menu more often than I would have liked too. That being said I see some great changes on how I order. I have restaurant rules! For example. If I eat bread it is instead of my favorite baked potato and once piece with olive oil, not butter. The baked potato is with 1 tblsp sour cream and just sour cream no butter and NEVER loaded! Tblsp of sour cream 1 point so I have the full flavored no fat free or low fat.. Wine? yes, I tall glass of water before I ask for a second glass and never three glasses. Dessert, ???!! Yup. sometimes for dinner. Here is what my favorite server has been chuckling over at my favorite restaurant. I love cake, always have always will, and last Tiramasu is my favorite and when DBF and I went out last week I really wanted it, so he ordered his Dinner and I ordered mine, yup Tiramasu for Dinner! I would not do it every night but I will do it and be 100% satisfied. Same Server who thinks it is funny...tells me " You look amazing! Keep up the good work!"
A little about my exercise this week, it too has been off, yet I know am working the most physically active job I have ever had and on an 8 hour shift I never sit and can be found carrying 25-40 bags of mulch and stuff to cars, bending, lifting and walking walking, and the pedometer indicates 8000, steps a shift, I take 2 hours of AP's a day for that and than added in a few workouts at the gym. I am finding a balance and as the weeks go by I may have to tweak things here and there but overall, it is Working!!
Next Stop.. 190!!

65 Pounds!!

I can hardly contain myself this morning, I just received another 5 pounds star! I have 13 now for a total of 65 pounds lost! I decided a few weeks ago that I am only going to post the loss's in five pound increments and I am so happy to post this one! I am less than half way to goal now and I can see the goal post!
I weigh 196 and I feel like I am safely under 200, that even with a monthly fluctuation I am should not have to see 200 again! Watching the sodium will be key I know.
Any newcomers out there reading this, I want you to know, this can be done, it takes time and effort and the desire, but it does not take pain or suffering, or deprivation! This week, I had a decadent cupcake, a glass or two of Merlot, and my dark chocolate with almonds, I also had a lot of fruit, vegetables, and lean proteins. I earned 49 Ap's and drank 8-10 glasses of water a day, do I sound deprived?
I get to buy myself a non food reward, this weekend......What is not to love about that?!!!
My oldest daughter has suggested that we train together for a 5k run as she is looking to get in shape and I am thinking it will be a great addition to my exercise schedule and help tackle the next 55 pounds, so maybe my gift will be a nice running outfit!
To all my supporters here on my blog, and in my offline life, Thank you!! when I have days when the weight loss has seemed insurmountable it has been you that rallied me, and I am grateful beyond words!!
Woo Hoo!!! " Did I say I lost 65 pounds!!" Yup I did. Next Stop 195

I drive a small car

I drive a small car, and today while driving the gas light came on, I was on empty. I immediately headed for the gas station where I frequent, they always have gas at the lowest price. I filled the tank and for the first time of the lifetime of this car ( 10 years) it cost me $50.00!! I am shocked, angry and frightened. Finances are tight, they have been for awhile and they are about to get tighter and I am finding that I can not afford simple luxuries like, I used too.
I could do nothing, live with the fear and anger and do nothing, I have done that in plenty of other situations, or I could draw a line in the sand and that line is, One tank a week for me.
I am halfway through my weight loss journey and tomorrow when I weigh in I think I will have hit 65 pounds lost, leaving me 55 to go and I am in great health, so guess what? " These feet were made for walking!" and walk I will!! To the grocery store, with my re-usable bags, the post office, and when possible, to work! Walk to visit friends and walk granddaughter to the cupcake store. Sixty Six pounds ago, I would not even consider giving up driving for walking, today it is a simple happy solution!!

This was Supper :)

I babysat My granddaughter last night and after I picked her up she sweetly asked if we could go to the " Cupcake Store". We have a bakery in town that the owner ( baker) has a date on the show "Cupcake Wars" and I think she could win!
I am not good at turning down a sweetly polite request from that little girl so off we went. She picked out a pink frosted chocolate cupcake for her, one for her Papa and I ordered myself a Chocolate one that was named Almond Joy and it tasted much like the candy bar it was named for.
I had points left, for the day about 10 and I really was not hungry, even for supper so I decided this would be my supper. A Cupcake for 8 points and skim milk for 2!
It worked, and I was full, and I was satisfied with one, and I not for a second felt like I was cheating, I was eating what I wanted and when I wanted it. I finished my day with 29 points and no Weekly's used!
One of the greatest gifts I get from this program is the freedom to eat what I want and when I want and how I want, so long as I count the points and stay within the ranges it will work!
Sometimes we get so caught up in the day in and day out of the program we forget how much nicer it is than say some of my past diets, The Carnivore Diet, aka Atkins, South Beach, Cabbage Soup, once I was on an hard boiled egg diet....
Cupcake and milk for supper...now I may not recommend a week of it, but last night it was exactly what I wanted, and to my daughter if your reading, no worries I made Evie eat supper before she had her cupcake ;)

Living in The Shadow of 200 Pounds

I tried to explain to DBF last night my real desire to be at 195 and to no avail, he just can not understand my fixation with the numbers. I get that, I understand why he can not, he has never had a weight problem or felt the defeat or success of conquering it. Add to that he does not live in my head.
He reminded me that I look great and that I am receiving compliments right and left and I am, and trust me that feels wonderful, but being under 200 pounds for the first time in over 8 years is amazing to me and feels real. It feels like I am really on the underside of the weight loss part of the journey, that Onderland was the benchmark for me, all the time knowing if I could get there, I could do anything!
Here is the thing though, I struggle every day with the scale, those who have been reading my blog for awhile know I named my Scale, Roland , and he is my Toxic Friend. Some days I love him, and most days, not so much! He is in my life and than out, I step on him every morning until I see the damage he does to my psyche and lo and behold I lock him in the closet until my one day a week when I step back on. I soften though, feel bad, assume he fears the dark and let him out of the closet and the whole cycle begins again.
I am in Onderland, with a three pound cushion, wanting 5, wanting to weigh 195 because when I have a monthly fluctuation, of 4 pounds ( very true) I want to still be in Onderland, I want to NEVER see 200 pounds on Roland's face again! He taunts me with it, I swear I hear him giggle!
Why is this my post today? Well because I had soup last night for dinner, and a caesar salad, Can you hear the bells? it sounds like I am in a Casino...bing bing bing bing ,,,,,and Roland giggles and the sodium has brought the number to 200 pounds!! You are the lucky winner!!!
When I am in living in the Shadow of 200 pounds, I am just a day away from feeling the pull back, and a day away from seeing the light,,,,, That is why I want the Shadow of 195.
I guess I can see why DBF does not get it.... and Yup you guessed it....Roland is back in the closet! I know real success will be when I finally Divorce Roland, and on a brighter note I have been looking for a good divore Lawyer...... no need for an Intervention yet....