Back at it!

Here I am again, asking myself why do I forget how good it feels to take better care of me. I spent 2 solid years at my goal weight as determined by weight watchers,and than when covid hit, the downslide began. Gym closed, walking outside was my go too, but boredom set in. I took up bread baking, HELLO !! does that sound like a good idea or a way to keep myself at goal weight??!! Nope and as one could expect, I gained weight and sadly kept gaining. I find myself 57 pounds above my goal weight as determined by me as I know what weight was hard to maintain and that was 73 pounds from where I am now. I went from 261 to 137 and I was amazed at how tiny I was ( for me) all those years of claiming big bones, well I am not big boned, Ha ha! In total I went from 261 to 137, down 124 pounds, gained back 7O over 3 years, and am committed to lose 57 bringing me to 150! So finially here I am ready to get serious and bring myself back to my happy weight, as I said 57 pounds from here. I will happily blog ( not sure why I gave that up either, walk, and follow Weight watchers as it has always worked me in the past and is a heathy way for me to eat. Some things have changed since I last posted here, actauuly many things have changed, as i said I reached goal. I also added 3 grandchildren to the one I had. I live along now, I see a guy but we live separately and I am happy living alone. Two of my grandchildren, along with one of my daughter's and my son in law live in the apartment below me, though they are house hunting so that will change. My younger daughter loves across town with her fiance and family, including my youngest grandchild whom is 18 months,Norah. Life is good, there has been some painful changes and too many to tick off all at once here, but along with my commitemnt to take back my healthy lifetstyle, my commitment to this blog will bring to light so many things that have changed since last posting! I think I attached a recent photo of I and sweet Norah, but I must admit the format is differnt from my last attempt at blogging and I am rusty. Finding phots of me is a tad harder as well, as as I gained i regained my stellar skill of avoiding being in pitures. I have not entirely giving in to the picture avoidance I think it is important to capture the moments as things change, we lose people and we would love to have those moments caught on camera. Loss of loved ones is a big cange that occured over the years since I last posted. So here it is, my commitement to post again, today I have a walk scheduled and some heathy eating! Next post will see how accountable I stayed that that intent!

Changes

While looking for a new home for a blog I had on the Weight Watchers site ( they are eliminating that privilege) I was advised by my Dear daughter to try this site. While logging in as what I thought would be a new user, my email sent me to this blog, I had completely forgotten that 5 years ago my other daughter had started to help me move my blog to a more public site! I am pleased to see some of my posts had been archived and hope that it makes my transition easier. I am choosing not to try and frantically move years 2011 through present to this blog and will instead fill in some blanks as we go. 2012 thru 2015 I lose 4 people in my life, two mother's one biological the other by marriage, my brother and my dad and I ate through my grief. December of 2015 I dragged myself to a Dr with complaint of unendeing fatigue that I attributed to grief, and learned that I had suffered a silent heart attack, and it was my turn to take care of me of let my familie's loss's continue, and here I am, thrity pounds down and the journey continues. That is as brief of a summary as I can muster, LOL, so as to not rehash what so many of my fellow Weight Watchers have already read more than once while on the Weight Watchers Community site. What you can expect to read here is the challenges, and successes of me losing my emotional eating habit, regaining my health as I lose my weight and finally conquer the biggest struggle of my life, my weight, You ready? I am!!

I am Here!

On March 27th, here is an excerpt of my post
"The next time I blog about a loss it will be the announcement
that I have hit 195 and then 190 and 185 and so on.....it is my way of
weaning myself off the posting about the weekly weight loss or not. I
want to just mark increments. My reasoning is I see that this is going
to get harder and harder as I approach my goal weight and I really want
to mark my success's at the gym, or at the dinner table as they are the
success's that will keep my weight off and I will not always be
rewarded with a loss, and I am 60 pounds away from not needing to lose
weight, so I want the focus for me to be on my behavior successes!
Next Stop 195!!"
Well today I am here and I could not be happier! It is no mistake that I keep reminding myself that the actual numbers of pounds I lose is not the journey, it is the lessons I am learning and the changes in my beliefs about food and exercise, because without those lessons, I know the weight will come back, I have learned that through experience.
This week has been busy with work and I have struggled by not planning and that has left me grabbing meals on the fly and ordering off a menu more often than I would have liked too. That being said I see some great changes on how I order. I have restaurant rules! For example. If I eat bread it is instead of my favorite baked potato and once piece with olive oil, not butter. The baked potato is with 1 tblsp sour cream and just sour cream no butter and NEVER loaded! Tblsp of sour cream 1 point so I have the full flavored no fat free or low fat.. Wine? yes, I tall glass of water before I ask for a second glass and never three glasses. Dessert, ???!! Yup. sometimes for dinner. Here is what my favorite server has been chuckling over at my favorite restaurant. I love cake, always have always will, and last Tiramasu is my favorite and when DBF and I went out last week I really wanted it, so he ordered his Dinner and I ordered mine, yup Tiramasu for Dinner! I would not do it every night but I will do it and be 100% satisfied. Same Server who thinks it is funny...tells me " You look amazing! Keep up the good work!"
A little about my exercise this week, it too has been off, yet I know am working the most physically active job I have ever had and on an 8 hour shift I never sit and can be found carrying 25-40 bags of mulch and stuff to cars, bending, lifting and walking walking, and the pedometer indicates 8000, steps a shift, I take 2 hours of AP's a day for that and than added in a few workouts at the gym. I am finding a balance and as the weeks go by I may have to tweak things here and there but overall, it is Working!!
Next Stop.. 190!!

65 Pounds!!

I can hardly contain myself this morning, I just received another 5 pounds star! I have 13 now for a total of 65 pounds lost! I decided a few weeks ago that I am only going to post the loss's in five pound increments and I am so happy to post this one! I am less than half way to goal now and I can see the goal post!
I weigh 196 and I feel like I am safely under 200, that even with a monthly fluctuation I am should not have to see 200 again! Watching the sodium will be key I know.
Any newcomers out there reading this, I want you to know, this can be done, it takes time and effort and the desire, but it does not take pain or suffering, or deprivation! This week, I had a decadent cupcake, a glass or two of Merlot, and my dark chocolate with almonds, I also had a lot of fruit, vegetables, and lean proteins. I earned 49 Ap's and drank 8-10 glasses of water a day, do I sound deprived?
I get to buy myself a non food reward, this weekend......What is not to love about that?!!!
My oldest daughter has suggested that we train together for a 5k run as she is looking to get in shape and I am thinking it will be a great addition to my exercise schedule and help tackle the next 55 pounds, so maybe my gift will be a nice running outfit!
To all my supporters here on my blog, and in my offline life, Thank you!! when I have days when the weight loss has seemed insurmountable it has been you that rallied me, and I am grateful beyond words!!
Woo Hoo!!! " Did I say I lost 65 pounds!!" Yup I did. Next Stop 195

I drive a small car

I drive a small car, and today while driving the gas light came on, I was on empty. I immediately headed for the gas station where I frequent, they always have gas at the lowest price. I filled the tank and for the first time of the lifetime of this car ( 10 years) it cost me $50.00!! I am shocked, angry and frightened. Finances are tight, they have been for awhile and they are about to get tighter and I am finding that I can not afford simple luxuries like, I used too.
I could do nothing, live with the fear and anger and do nothing, I have done that in plenty of other situations, or I could draw a line in the sand and that line is, One tank a week for me.
I am halfway through my weight loss journey and tomorrow when I weigh in I think I will have hit 65 pounds lost, leaving me 55 to go and I am in great health, so guess what? " These feet were made for walking!" and walk I will!! To the grocery store, with my re-usable bags, the post office, and when possible, to work! Walk to visit friends and walk granddaughter to the cupcake store. Sixty Six pounds ago, I would not even consider giving up driving for walking, today it is a simple happy solution!!

This was Supper :)

I babysat My granddaughter last night and after I picked her up she sweetly asked if we could go to the " Cupcake Store". We have a bakery in town that the owner ( baker) has a date on the show "Cupcake Wars" and I think she could win!
I am not good at turning down a sweetly polite request from that little girl so off we went. She picked out a pink frosted chocolate cupcake for her, one for her Papa and I ordered myself a Chocolate one that was named Almond Joy and it tasted much like the candy bar it was named for.
I had points left, for the day about 10 and I really was not hungry, even for supper so I decided this would be my supper. A Cupcake for 8 points and skim milk for 2!
It worked, and I was full, and I was satisfied with one, and I not for a second felt like I was cheating, I was eating what I wanted and when I wanted it. I finished my day with 29 points and no Weekly's used!
One of the greatest gifts I get from this program is the freedom to eat what I want and when I want and how I want, so long as I count the points and stay within the ranges it will work!
Sometimes we get so caught up in the day in and day out of the program we forget how much nicer it is than say some of my past diets, The Carnivore Diet, aka Atkins, South Beach, Cabbage Soup, once I was on an hard boiled egg diet....
Cupcake and milk for supper...now I may not recommend a week of it, but last night it was exactly what I wanted, and to my daughter if your reading, no worries I made Evie eat supper before she had her cupcake ;)

Living in The Shadow of 200 Pounds

I tried to explain to DBF last night my real desire to be at 195 and to no avail, he just can not understand my fixation with the numbers. I get that, I understand why he can not, he has never had a weight problem or felt the defeat or success of conquering it. Add to that he does not live in my head.
He reminded me that I look great and that I am receiving compliments right and left and I am, and trust me that feels wonderful, but being under 200 pounds for the first time in over 8 years is amazing to me and feels real. It feels like I am really on the underside of the weight loss part of the journey, that Onderland was the benchmark for me, all the time knowing if I could get there, I could do anything!
Here is the thing though, I struggle every day with the scale, those who have been reading my blog for awhile know I named my Scale, Roland , and he is my Toxic Friend. Some days I love him, and most days, not so much! He is in my life and than out, I step on him every morning until I see the damage he does to my psyche and lo and behold I lock him in the closet until my one day a week when I step back on. I soften though, feel bad, assume he fears the dark and let him out of the closet and the whole cycle begins again.
I am in Onderland, with a three pound cushion, wanting 5, wanting to weigh 195 because when I have a monthly fluctuation, of 4 pounds ( very true) I want to still be in Onderland, I want to NEVER see 200 pounds on Roland's face again! He taunts me with it, I swear I hear him giggle!
Why is this my post today? Well because I had soup last night for dinner, and a caesar salad, Can you hear the bells? it sounds like I am in a Casino...bing bing bing bing ,,,,,and Roland giggles and the sodium has brought the number to 200 pounds!! You are the lucky winner!!!
When I am in living in the Shadow of 200 pounds, I am just a day away from feeling the pull back, and a day away from seeing the light,,,,, That is why I want the Shadow of 195.
I guess I can see why DBF does not get it.... and Yup you guessed it....Roland is back in the closet! I know real success will be when I finally Divorce Roland, and on a brighter note I have been looking for a good divore Lawyer...... no need for an Intervention yet....

Food Revolution

My mother has passed along an interesting quasi morbid habit that I do not see myself losing anytime soon. She is Eighty and every day with her coffee she reads the paper and the first page she turns to is the Obituary page. She was a chain smoker for years and she gave it up when she had a carotid artery 95% blocked that she had surgery for, even after giving up smoking, 5 years later she had a surgery to unblock the other that too was 95% blocked. She knows the damage she did with all that smoking. She will say to me while reading the obits, " I want to see who stopped smoking today." Yes I agree, very dark humor, but that is my mom. I could write this whole post on her ways and the good and bad effect they have had on me, but it is not where I am going, today.
When I started this Weight loss journey my health was a crisis point, I was on a C-pap Machine, and had already had a heart cauterization at 42 to seek blockages as I was experiencing and continued for years to have chest discomfort. I am and probably always will be under the care of a Cardiologist as I have a heart history on my dads side and he died when I was nine. Fortunately for me, my heart is great and I have passed numerous tests to vouch for that. After losing my first 50 pounds my high blood pressure resolved itself and I was able to discontinue my medicines.
Today I am feeling the healthiest as I have felt in years and I am 47, shhhhh... I do not tell everyone that.
A good family friend who is late 50's is in the hospital, the ICU, breathing difficulties, he has heart issues and Diabetes and a myriad of other troubles that honestly can be traced back to his weight. He like myself has struggled with obesity for years and rather than he winning right now, the obesity is. He is loved by many, his Facebook page is loaded with well wishes, I have never heard a person say a cross word about this gentleman and it is heart breaking that a food addiction may take his life.
Getting back to my mom's habit that she passed along, I read the obituary's every day now, and when I see people in my age group or just a bit older die, I ask myself from what? of course there is the inevitable car accidents and other tragic unpredictable in life, but what about the preventable? I read the obits and think, " I wish when it was a disease that is caused by obesity that we would call it that. " So and So, succumbed to Obesity. What I am looking for is an Eyeopener for America to get through their heads that Obesity is killing us and at rapid speed. I want everyone to feel better and see that once you take on your weight and succeed at losing it, you feel better and you have the motivation to keep losing, and your life seems more precious, and you want to pass that on. I want to pass that on~
Jamie Oliver a British Chef has a show on ABC on Tuesdays at 8 called Food Revolution and he is my hero these days, he really is trying in a public way to change the way America eats and I hope he can drive home the message, he bravely tackles it in our schools! How I wished that happened sooner I wish him success.
For today I wish my family friend success, I wish him a recovery and the subsequent strength to take the weight off, you are too loved to leave us, and obesity does not have to be fatal

For The Love of Fruit 4/15

Today has been nonstop busy and that is not what I had planned. I needed a day of rest as I am body sore and mind tired.
One thing led to another and the bottom line I am really just now sitting and relaxing and in my opinion a hour away from sleeping. I work tomorrow so I need an early to bed to let my body rest.
I have eaten well all day and shopped for the week, and planned some great meals that will work with my desire to keep that scale moving downward. While finishing the last bout of shopping, extreme hunger crept in, something that is becoming a ritual on the heels of my working outside doing strenuous physical work and I am struggling to keep my points all inline.
Tonight while contemplating how to alleviate the hunger I once again remembered that fruit is free!! Pineapple, yum, apple, yum, banana, well ok... I can do this!
After a dish of fresh pineapple I am calling it a day!

Standing On Your feet all day is Weight Bearing! 4/14

I have been busy at work, the new job, and happy, happy, happy. After months looking for work, on the heels of working a job that I sat all day making phone calls and had an occasional walk to the fax machine, this is clearly different. I come home at the end of my day and I am exhausted, yet still have managed the gym three times this week, less than I wanted but more than I thought I could. It will all fall in place I have no doubt about that and The gym schedule will return to normal and I will start training to run a 5K.
I have no clue how to calculate my activity at work, but I do know it has changed and the scale is showing that as well. Per usual not as fast as I would like, but steady and that is good. My next mini goal is to reach 195 and I see it in sight, not too far in the future! Today is weigh in day and and I have lost and I had decided awhile back to just post my five pound increments of success, as I know that the part of the joureny I need to focus on is the consistency that will lend to keeping the weight off and the celebrating of the pounds loss can sometimes enable me to lose sight of the real success and that is maintaining and always thinking about eating and exercising for my health.
Last night when I came home, I was thinking about how many times I bent and lugged a 25 to 40 lb bag of soil to a customers car, or while building a butterfly garden for the owners, how long was I digging and planting, and than the fact that my feet are sore, confirmed what I know "Standing on your feet all day is Weight Bearing!"
So on a week that I saw the gym less, ate my weeklies and a majority of AP's but worked significantly more, I lost weight! Gotta love that, and I do.

Made it Through the Day without chips and dip ! 4/13

So yesterday was admittedly not the happiest, as my morning post had already alluded to a fight with DBF. the result of his Eye Roll.
We did eventually talk face to face, and it was a little humorous as I could tell he was REALLY focused on any unintentional eye movements ( took me quite literally ). We are better and I do believe he was genuinely sorry, he had a bad day and us arguing was just the final straw for him, but said he was unaware that he rolled his eyes.
I fought every urge all day to eat with abandon, Chips and Dip is what I wanted but did not have. Instead I did have WholeWheat Pasta with olive oil and grated cheese, very comforting, and poached eggs for breakfast another comfort food for me.
I worked out at the gym and washed my Kitchen and living room floor, a task that I like to do when I am feeling angry as I really SCRUB them.
I do have an Irish temper that I sometimes forget about and I too owed him an apology for handling myself poorly, the good news is we both feel better and lets just say we kissed and made up.
A lesson is always learned on this weight loss journey and yesterday's was I can get through all my moods without sabotaging my success. It is not always easy, but it is doable!
My comfort foods have changed, nothing like a bowl of buttered egg noodles with grated cheese to soothe my soul, that was the old choice, yesterday I had 1 cup whole wheat pasta and 1 tsp lite butter with olive oil and a measured amount of grated cheese and it worked!
Poached eggs is always what my mom would make when I sick or sad and the only difference yesterday was the Wheat toast, dry.
So no Chip and Dip, no gain and no remorse!! Woo Hoo! and "No More Eye Rolls!" says DBF

The Eye Roll

A perfectly good day went really south last night with a simple eye roll, from my DBF, simple eye roll, very south. South enough that he did not come home, and I was happy about that, I mean I know that one night a week he stays with his mother a few towns away to make sure she is ok and take care of anything she needs and he chose last night and and to be fair, he chose it after I suggested it rather firmly.
Upon waking this morning I feel really bad about my part and still angry about his eyeroll, angry enough to not call, and check in. There is something in my nature that really reacts poorly when someone is dismissive of something I have to say and even more so when it is done in public to gain a chuckle, or sympathy for their plight of having to deal with me.
I want to eat, and I am fighting that urge with my mantra, " There is nothing I can eat that will make this feel better." I know that eating will be a temporary feel good and only further frustrate me, so I will not do it, I will however walk, and go to the gym, and do both before initiating a conversation with the eyeroller! I am hoping I can work out my anger and hurt and replay the conversation in my head and see where I may have put him off, or what anger that I had not expressed before was building, as sometimes that is the case and it all comes out like big Wave crashing on the beach, the sand has splayed all over the place and a lot of time is needed to smooth out the ripples left in its wake. ( Sigh).
I will not eat , I will not take an already bad situation and make it worse,,,I will repeat this for as long as it takes.

I've Got This ( 4/10)

So I Weighed in today and after a four pounds gain last week, I am down 2! Last Weeks's post about Getting back to Basics was 100% on target. I needed to get back to what works, tracking, weighing measuring and exercise for just a few. I also just needed to cut myself some slack I had started my new job and my whole schedule was as-cue as I was now on my feet all day and working physically hard and still working out at the gym. My hunger level had gone through the roof and at times I caved but instead of eating filling foods like I did this week, I went with breads, and potatoes and for me, I need to go to protein and veggies.
I actually think I would have lost the whole 4 pounds plus some, but it is that week of the month that I gain. Next week I anticipate to feel even more at ease with the new job and how my lifestyle works with it.
Getting my water in is a little harder and this week-end I will look for a nice Stainless steel bottle to carry with me and fill with the Spring Water Cooler that houses the new Spring Water we sell at work.
Thanks for all the great suggestions that helped me to see I needed to give myself time to adjust to the change in my schedule, like I said I gain know..." I've Got This!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I am humming the tune to the song " The Most Wonderful time of the Year " as I type, knowing full well it is speaking of Christmas, but for me, it is now. I spent all day yesterday cleaning up my gardens and plotting a spot to add another, while scoping a neighbors neglected one that needs rehabilitation. My new Job at the Garden Center is just the thing to restore my confidence after reentering the work force since my lay off and subsequent unsuccessful attempt to reenter into the same field of inside sales. I find myself referring to the last 8 years of corporate world employment the soul sucking job I once had. I need to hold that thought as it really did do a number on my psyche it is not what I want for me anymore.
" What does all this have to do with my weight-loss journey, you might ask?" Well for me, the reason I had the courage to take this change in my career was I have gained such new found confidence since taking on the journey of losing my weight, I am physically stronger than I have been in years and I know I can tackle any problem if I can tackle my weight.
Everyday I wake up I lie in bed and think about what I can do today to keep the momentum of the journey on track. What one thing can I do or change today that will keep me in the right direction, how will I work in more activity and what can I cook that will be healthy and good, yet tasteful enough to not feel deprived. I also think about what I would like to add to my blog, what can I share that may help someone else, or emphasize to myself that I am on the right track, and today that is I have made it to my favorite time of the year and it is also the easiest time of the year for me to stay on track. I am far more active, and we are approaching the season of locally grown vegetables and fruits being plentiful.
Winter is hard for me, I fight seasonal depression and I hate the cold, so I am inclined to stay inside, this year I pushed through that, I went to the gym on a regular basis and it fought off a lot of that seasonal depression, Mother Nature provided a inordinate amount of snow and I had not the luxury of a plow or snow blower, so that too added to my activity and success.
My thoughts for today is if I can be successful through Winter, a time that normally can bring me to my knees, I can only imagine the success Spring Summer and Fall will bring!!
I will keep to my gym schedule 4-5 days for an hour at a time, and out comes the stroller on days I have my Granddaughter and the Couch to 5K schedule on days I do not, and the gardening, it is just extra! did I remember to say " The Most Wonderful time of the Year, is here for me? "

Here is a picture from one of my gardens last year :)

If the Towel Fits....

Last year at this time I was a newcomer to the gym, and I knew the best way to cajole myself to get there was by rewarding myself with a steam bath. My weight when I joined d the gym was about 235 down, 26 from my starting weight of 261. I knew that I had lost the first 25 pounds on my journey with minimal to no exercise but would have to step it up to get some more weight off.
The steam bath presented a pretty daunting challenge to me at 235 pounds and that was getting naked at the gym. For some that may be no problem, I am not that girl,even when I reach my goal weight of 140 pounds you will never see me standing by the lockers, taking of my bra and getting changed for the showers. Nope, not, Nada, no weigh in H E double hockey sticks... ok I am sure you get it!
In my own home, I can parade around and be comfy in front of DBF, but that took a weight loss of 50 ish pounds and still it is a work in progress.
So last year at this time I began the hunt for the perfect towel. You could have found me at Bed Bath and Beyond, trying on towels,fully clothed wrapping them around my chest, under my arms and checking to see the coverage. After many attempts I found the perfect towel and bought two. The towel shopping was the easiest part, as even today when I work out and than retreat to the locker room twice a week for my much deserved steam bath I than play the how to keep the curtain in the changing stall shut to undress and than dress, do they make the curtains 4 inches short on either side on purpose or is this a figment of my imaginations??!! Still not sure on that.
Despite the fear of being totally exposed at the gym for all other women to see, I do it and I so enjoy those steambaths. My two lavender towels for gym use only are officially going to experience a new phenomenon, they are joining the population of all the bathroom towels as I am pleased to announce that all towels offically cover the goods and that my friends is my Non Scale victory of the week!! With that declaration I am now officially Dub Sundays my weigh in day as Non Scale Victory day, the reason being is, my victories that keep me on this journey, are more about these wins, rather than the number on the scale and far more frequent I might add, and this journey is about my health and how I feel rather than if my body lost another pound, and Weigh ins are just one measure and they can be fickle but what I know for sure is that the non scale victories tell the story of the success in my head :)

You Look Great, Now Eat

I am hearing a lot lately how great I look, and that is a good thing, I have learned to say a gracious, " Thank you."
What comes next is the hard part and that is the food pushers. The people that I love and care about who suddenly are acutely aware of the fact that I am eating less and far more selectively. I call it choosing my points wisely. I think my mom is on the top of the food pusher list.
I check in on her just about daily and she being almost eighty has a sweet tooth that she tends to daily and can afford too, she needs the weight gain. She constantly wants me to indulge with her and will say, you can splurge once in awhile, or you look great just the way you are now, you do not need to lose anymore. She and the other food pushers, can come with a variety of different reasons why I should throw all caution to the wind and Eat with them!
As hard as it is to not eat with them, I am choosing not too, like I said I am choosing my points wisely and that type of eating is what helped bring the scale to 120 pounds over where I should be.
I have 60 more pounds to lose and I have been spending a lot of time, exercising and cooking healthy meals, learning what role sodium plays in my weight, and no where in this plan to lose 60 more pounds, is there room for mindless eating, or eating to please others.
I am looking for some helpful ways for me to keep the food pushers at bay, any ideas? any quote that works for you?
I am looking for something that "Says what I mean but does not say it meanly."
I saw that quote somewhere and I love it, I believe it is from a twelve step program but it is exactly what I need.

Here's To Arthur

I am still reeling from yesterdays stressful day, but here.
I have a lot on my plate this morning, waiting for a call from the hospital or my friend to see how the night went, she is back at the hospital after suffering a Heart Attack two weeks ago, and my awaiting a call from my mechanic on my car.
Last night I did watch the Biggest Loser, and it was a good distraction, this season unlike the last few seems to be a lot less game play and more love and concern for the fellow contestants and I like that. At the same time though there is always some game play and the biggest and unhealthiest contestant Arthur started it a few weeks ago and unfortunately last night he was voted off and that same instinct to game play, was in my opinion what sent him home last night.
The game play aside, it was sad to see him go and sadder to see the emotion from Jillian and Bob and the contestants. At weigh in it was like, they all thought him going home was the end of his journey and I could see how they might think that as he was the Biggest and unhealthiest contestant ever and he got that way at home, what they did not realize was in the weeks that Arthur was there " He Got it" and it was never more evident than in the last 5 minutes of the show they showed him now and he looks great and is using every tool given to him on the Ranch.
Two thoughts on Jillains crying and really being broken up about Arthur going home, first one is she really has a big heart and a soft spot for the suffering of people with such weight issues, and despite her hard demeanor at times, lies this marshmallow that just wants to save the world, and it is refreshing, second thought, I know she is leaving to pursue a family, wondering if some pregnancy hormonal tears were flowing as well!
Bob, was struggling with Arthur leaving as well and all the contestants and it seemed like they, like myself and probably many of us thought, this was it, there is no way he can finish this at home, "Guess what?" he is doing it!! He had been given the right tools and he had/has the motivation and was apparently ready, and that is what we all need to succeed.
Arthur you are inspiring, as inspiring as my fellow online weight watchers. We too are ready and have been given the tools and have the motivation. We also have Bobs and Jillians amongst us with big overflowing hearts that want to share our wisdom along the way to help each other and push each other to success and to be the healthiest and best we can be! In many ways we are all on that Biggest Loser Ranch, minus the gameplay ( Thank Goodness)!
Thanks for being my Bob and Jillian! Hope I can be yours!

Walking the Walk

This post tonight is raw, as I am raw emotion.
The day started with dropping my car of to the garage, a very scary venture as some of you may remember I am still unemployed, I begin my new found job in mid March, a job that is significantly less money but significantly more pleasure and what is available. My well intentioned older brother picked me up from the garage and gave me a lecture about how I may need to move from the place I love so much, to cut back on my finances as I heat with oil and it has almost buried me this winter. I have beautiful gardens here that I put in and I love this home. I reminded myself that his suggestions were just that and I am in charge of me.
Fast forward and the garage has called back and I am looking at least $800.00 worth of work and it is rising and the car will be there until at least tomorrow afternoon. Chinese food and the french fries I gave up for a New Year's resolution sure sound good right now.
Luckily I have no car, as I may be tempted, but than the no car keeps me from the gym, and I could use a long workout,
All these feelings happened and I decided to take a long hot bath, with the new Bath Bombs I got in celebration of my 60 pounds of weight lost and the bath helped a lot, until my phone rang and hour ago.
My best friend who suffered a heart attack two weeks ago, called to ask me to bring her to the hospital as her blood pressure was high, and she felt tightness and I have no car. I gave her the advice that she needed to take and that is call 911, and she did and I sit here right now, I was updated by her daughter, she is in the ER and they are running tests and they have already contacted her cardiologist, she will keep me updated. Again I want to eat, and I keep telling myself what I truly have learned and fully believe " Nothing I eat can make this feel better."
I have eaten all my points for the day and as tempted as I am in to feed my emotions I will not, and I will instead, think positive thoughts for my friend, read blogs, my past posts, your posts, anything to cement the new behaviors and remind myself that I started this joureny for my health, to fend off the very same heart issues that are scaring me for my best friend, and just be raw with emotion.
One thing I know for sure, the bills may pile up, I will pay them, the car is just a car, unemployed is unfortunate but it did and does not define me, and at the end of the day it is about you, your family and friends." I'm just sayin."

Cheat Day has left the building....

Went out to dinner with the DBF last night and used 20 of my Weeklies. I would like to lay all the blame at his feet but really, I will own it as I need at some time to really discuss with him the changes I want to make in our choices of restaurants but also realize there are times he just wants junk, beer, sports and me, not necessarily in that order. Last night was one of those times.
We went to a pub and yes they had salads, but they looked as nutritionally sound as the appetizer plates we went with, Mozzarella sticks, potato skins, chicken quesidilla and chicken fingers, added to chicken sliders, and a beer or two to cheer on the team with.
Here is the thing with sports though, if it is not Baseball, preferably The Red Sox, or the Super Bowl, preferably with the Patriots, you have lost me into my own thoughts, with a cute smile and nod in his direction when he seems particularly happy with the game, whatever it may be.
Last night on the heels of hitting 60 pounds gone, and now looking in the window at Onderland, I was thinking about past weight loss's, reaching the goal ( have done that twice) and the subsequent gain back of all and a little more for good measure.
One thing I always did on those other attempts is something I refuse to do now. I had what I called a "Cheat Day" my cheat day typically fell on the day I weighed in, and if that was in the morning I would eat whatever I wanted all day long and into the night until the following day. In the interest of full disclosure, I picked my weight watchers meetings in the morning with this in mind. My food intake would be off the charts, sleeves of cookies, bags of chips, the unit of measure was never 2 or 3 of this, it was usually the form the product was bought in, and of course the Drive thru anything. When I reached my Weight loss goal and I can honestly say I hardly ever stayed at goal and never made Lifetime, the cheat days would start to string together...... and that would be the end of that.
Last night, had it fallen in my past weight loss attempts would have been a perfect night for Cheat Day... but here is the thing, this journey is the rest of my life, and there is no room for Cheat Day in the rest of my life. I can eat whatever I want, but I must count it, own it, acknowledge it, and enjoy it! Enjoy it?
" Enjoy It" is essential I added it in, as I can tell you when I eat just to eat, I hardly remember how much I ate and if I even liked it... that is my emotional eating and mindless eating all wrapped up together. Keeping that in mind while eating last night, I really did not indulge that much, as I do not enjoy the sliders, or the chicken fingers so I skipped them. The cheese sticks,yup, enjoyed them, the skins and the quesidilla, yup...the beer pretty much, but not a lot as was pretty full, another thing that keeps the out of control eating to a minimum. Eating when I am full, not enjoyable.
When we were winding down, DBF said, " Aren't you going to eat anymore?" and " You did not finish your beer; is it ok? " and the answer was " I ate what I wanted and I am full, and the beer is great, but filling, and like I said I am full."
I am not always completely familiar with these new behaviors but I sure do like where they are bringing me! So this week we shall have the talk about what restaurants really do not work for me, and I will start it like this, " You know how you keep telling me how good I look, and how proud you are with me, well here is what I need to do for me, and for us......

What a Feeling!! 60 Pounds Gone, and a gym rat?

Two things, I reached my mini goal of 50 Ap's this week, 50 yes 50, I amazed myself and now I know it can be done, I will try again this week and the next and the next, you get it I am sure! Now, drum-roll please.......I hit 60 pounds lost! I am so very happy and excited, this week I lost three pounds, and I think it is no coincidence that it is on the same week I earned 50 Ap's. It reminds me if I want different results than I need to do things differently. I hardly think my activity was lacking but I did ask a few fellow Weight Watchers who were at goal or close what they did for activity, and it did make my routine look like it needed some tweaking, so I tweaked it! I added about 20 more Ap's a week than I was doing.
Another thing I have done that I think added to a great week of weight loss is I have taken a really good look at my sodium intake and reduced it and in two weeks I have lost 5 pounds, and that is no coincidence either.
Back to the Ap's and all this exercise, I feel good, really good. No seasonal depression symptoms this week, despite that fact that it is snowing again and the 3 inches predicted looks to be at 5 right now and still coming down. Feeling positive about the next 60 pounds, I am at my half way point and it took me a little over a year, different from the thoughts I had last year of hitting 100 pounds lost in a year,but I am more than ok with that . I dare say I am in danger of becoming a gym rat, I am hearing myself talk about two workouts in one day if that is what it takes, I have exercised twice this month with each of my daughters and have thought how nice it was and wished that we had done that earlier but am grateful we are now.
I am shy of saying " I love the gym" but I am getting there and I really am in heavy " Like : with it!
I am a believer in rewards for weight loss goals achieved and non food, of course. I have been thinking long and hard about what to do for 60 and I came up with it, being a very girly girl, soaking in the bathtub is my favorite relaxation technique and add any kind of bubble bath and let;s just say I am there! Years ago while visiting my daughter at College in Boston I found the best bath and soap store and they sold something called a " Bath Bomb" they had rows and rows of them and the smell of the bombs and soaps they created, came out the door. Walking buy just called me in.
That store called Lush has expanded and is in a lot of the malls now and I visited yesterday( as I admittedly peeked on the scale and knew I hit 60 Gone) I bought $60.00 worth of bath bombs for myself, a dollar given to the budget for them for every pound! Woo Hoo!! That is nine baths coming my way,,,,, nine opportunities to soak in a tub reminding myself that I did this and I can do the next 60 as well! Next up Onderland! Onderland is two pounds away and my mini goal for this week, is again 50Ap's, my reward for Onderland is swirling around my head..............