One of my goals on this weight loss journey was to be the kind of Grandmother that had the energy to get out in do things with my Grandchildren. When my kids were small I was pretty much all hands on and the everyday needs were always met, but I did not realize how quick that time would fly by and I regret not being more playful and enjoy the simple things like, Apple Picking.
Seeing the world through the eyes of a toddler is nothing short of amazing, she wants to do everything that she can and enjoys every little thing, she sings off key with no worries of who is listening, tries to climb the apple tree with no concern of falling, she simply expects to succeed! She picked, she played and she helped carry the bag full of apples back to the car. Years ago as the mom, I would have carried the bag solo, quicker and less apt to spill the apples. but I missed the face I saw yesterday, determined and proud to be a " Big Girl".
I had the energy to walk the length of the orchards, and the strength to than again walk the pumpkin patch, searching for the perfect pumpkin and than carry such pumpkin, all twenty pounds around the patch, to be weighed and than placed in the car with the apples.
The scale may be one indicator of my success but yesterday was certainly a bigger indicator for me, I have reached the goal of being physically fit enough to be the Mimi my little Evie deserves and I could not be happier! I have a long ways to go for the scale to catch up to what would be called the final goal, but I am certain it will happen and like enjoying every step of the Grand-parenting journey, I fully intend to enjoy every step and goal met on the weight loss journey.
"If mom says so, it must be true"
So I only kind of really believe that as my mom has said some colorful, sometimes mean and always sarcastic things in my lifetime, but today she made me feel good. I remember the day I stopped in on my way to work about two years ago and she said " Well that shirt is about 5 pounds away from fitting" OUCH! and no time to go home and change. The best was after having cardiac surgery and extremely groggy she awoke, and when my sister and I said we just came up from the cafeteria, she looked right at me and said " You would weight a lot less if you took the stairs." I resisted every urge to crimp the oxygen tube that was in her nose...lol. My thoughts then were that even under anesthesia she knows exactly how to cut me to my quick.
I go see her everyday, caretaker is the most accurate word, to describe what I am to her these days. I walked in today and she said " Wow. you look really good and I can tell that you have lost a lot of weight." I think I instinctively looked behind me to see if she was talking to me. We have a unique relationship that has been riddled with resentments on my part over the years for her parenting style or lack of at times. A long time ago I came to terms with some really tough things that happened to me on her watch while she drank away her problems. Today I just accept her flaws an all and know that we have some great times that otherwise would not have happened without my moving on and past the defects. That said, her compliment made my day.
It was a good day to hear it, as despite how well I did on my weekend away last week and intense workouts the scale stayed the same this week. Clothes are fitting better, I can work out with a higher intensity and feel good about it,. I am choosy about the foods I eat and I know I am on my way to losing my excess baggage so even a week with no weight loss can not derail me, neither can mom. She no longer has the sharp words or sarcastic ability to undermine my determination, nobody does, I am in control of this ship and we are going full speed ahead!!
I see post like this every so often and like to read them, while thinking of mine I realized I do not often take an inventory about what I really like ...
Gardening, specifically digging in the dirt, feeling the soil and planting the plant, patting it in place and that feeling that I get like I have given life to something bigger than myself.
Bubble baths, love laying back in the hot soapy fragrant bubbly water and just letting my shoulders relax.
Shaving...yup, weird I know, love how my legs feel freshly shaved and lathered with lotion.
Baking, love the smell and love the warmth it brings to the house and the pleasure it brings to my family- I make the best cookies in the New England :)
Old people, their stories, their humor, the way they say what they think without filter, even their crankiness, which I understand completely as they lose their ability to live their life as they had a little bit more every day.....
Babies, ( sound like a politician here) How they smell. The way they trust, pure innocence. Baby skin. Curious about the world.
Kittens, See above....LOL
Lobsta dipped in butta .....side of onion rings,,,,,,,,,,,
Fresh Pineapple
Coffee,,,,Merlot..... a day that starts with one and ends with the other.
Christmas .....it embodies everything I love, time with family, baking, usually someone has a new baby, and I love Christmas lights.....
Writing ,,,
General Hospital- yes the Soap Opera, I have been watching it religiously since I was 15 yikes,,,,,,31 years................
Law and Order
George Clooney....if I were dying he would be on my " Make A Wish" list.....
That is just a few and was pretty fun to think about.....
Have a Great Day Everyone!
The pictures my sister took while were away are now on Face book and I found myself really looking at the pictures and thinking two things,
1. I am in pictures, my decision to avoid them came early on in my weight loss process, it is about my granddaughter having concrete memories of me when I am gone. (I am a great avoid-er of pictures, always hating how I looked.)
2. I look better , but really have a ways to go.
The second thought is not a positive thought I know, but it is a real thought and is helpful for me to see, and here is why.
I have lost 41 pounds I see it on the scale and I have gone from a size 22 to an 18, in pants and a size 2X to a an extra large. I feel great about that, as any past post on my blog would indicate, but I have this problem that eats at my pysche. I have very few people who are noticing or if they are they are not saying anything. Why is this important to me? you might ask, and my answer would be, it helps me stay motivated, and feel good. I like/need positive reinforcement.
Last night I went out to dinner with my BF, and we went to a place where we frequent often and of course ran into people we knew. I looked good, I felt good, and he definitely notices that and comments and that is one thing I really appreciate about him. We bump into an older couple that I have been friends with for years and she can be very motherly with me and that is cool. She has four children my age and two girls and both have weight struggles. The younger decided to have bypass surgery and has lossed and maintained thus far a 100 plus pound loss. That was her decision and I respect it and am thrilled for her, but it just is not how I want to go, I want no unnecessary surgeries as I have had a few needed ones in my life already. I have thought about it, but decided to give weight watchers the final try and do not regret that decision at all.
Last night my friend again suggested I look into it, she has not seen me in months and the last time we spoke she knew I was on weight watchers. She did not notice my 41 pound weight loss. I was feeling hurt and spinning in my head, thinking she is just one of many who do not notice yet, or do not mention it of they do. To me that feels like I was soooooo fat that I can lose 41 pounds and no one notice. To my BF he said people are so wrapped up in their own life and thoughts that they do not notice other's changes. I am not sure if either if us are right but I am sure that I need to focus on what I think. I think I have lost 41 pounds and I look better and on my way to losing the rest of the weight and being as healthy and alive as possible for me and my family. I think that I chose Weight Watchers over gastric bypass and that it is working for me, Gastric by pass worked for my friend's daughter so we both made the right choices for ourselves. I think my friend loves me and wants to see me overcome my weight issues and be happy and she mentions the surgery to be supportive and while doing that she did not look to see if what I was doing was working, so I did the grown up mature thing and listened to her spiel. When she was done, I said, " I have lost 41 pounds since December when I started Weight Watchers and feel like I am on my right path." She was happy for me, and I felt better.
I am going to try and look at the pictures of me with a different set of eyes. To look at the body language of my granddaughter and I while we watch the clown show at our weekend away. She and I lean into each other and have great ease with each other, I love her like I can not describe and I am sure when she sees this picture years away she will see that and not the 80 pounds I still need to lose.
Feeling very happy to be home and after reflecting on what a great weekend, I will pat myself on the back for doing a lot right. I made it through the buffets by choosing the most healthy items I could, minestrone soup instead of cream of anything, Turkey no gravy no stuffing, extra butternut squash, salad, no dressing. I skipped dessert, and used those points on a nice glass of wine. My granddaughter being three helped by not being able to sit through her Mimi eating. I only managed to eat half of what I took and ended up leaving the table to tend to granddaughter who would much rather be at the playground beyond the dining hall doors.
Being in charge of my granddaughter, reminded me of just how hard single parenting is and although I did it, and still am a single mom. my job is much easier seeing they are 23 and 25.
I am certain that any overeating I may have done was balanced by the carrying of a toddler who clearly decided early in the weekend that she had no intention of walking all the way through the campground, silly me for forgetting the stroller.
The rest of the week will be completely on track with no flex points and I have three days to really kick in some activity points and I am confident even after 4 buffets, the scale will move downward.
I have taken a great lesson from this weekend, it really dawned on me that this is the first trip in a long time where my focus was not on the food, I did not say " I will eat whatever I want and than just start again Monday." Nor did I feel denied, I felt good, the trip was about time with family and enjoying the fall weather and food was on the back of my mind! I am amazed and very happy, not all success is found on the scale.
Today I have already walked once with my walking buddy, and I am headed to the gym in a few minutes....Getting away is great but it also helps you appreciate " Home Sweet Home".
I survived the first of 5 Buffets that will be part of this Halloween escape weekend camping trip. I am here with my granddaughter ( 3) and my sister, brother in law and niece and nephew 8 and 10. The buffets are in the recreation hall about 1/2 mile from our campsite, two dinner, one lunch and two breakfast....oh my!
Even on my best behavior I used 15 flex points and two more for wine later that night. I feel I made good choices, skipped the stuffing with the turkey, no gravy, picked salad over chowder, no dressing...bread no butter, and NO to the strawberry shortcake. I feel I am overestimating on the points with my tracker at home ( online member).
There is a lot of walking on weekend getaway, and my granddaughter has decided to have no part of the walking and silly me forgot to pack a stroller.....so I am carrying her, and though my back is crying, in my head I am thinking activity points will balance out the accidental over indulgences that may happen due to not knowing the real point values.
Skipped lunch buffet...simple sandwich back at camp and attempted nap with baby girl. Lunch worked out well...nap not so much.
Off to Dinner,,,,,
I am away from home for four days and three nights, writing in my blog
the old fashioned way and will input into my blog when I return.
Last night when we arrived and unpacked we made a supper of cold cut sandwiches, chips and pickles . Skipping the chips has become easier and easier these days, I really can not justify the points, I guess I like them less than I thought I did. Bread however is still a downfall and I was hungry from the ride and all the packing and unpacking that I knew I would have to watch myself as I could have easily had a second sandwich. I finished supper and I felt good, not full and that has been something I have truly learned this time around with my weight loss journey if I eat a reasonable size portion and not eat until I feel full, I will find that I am full with none of the uncomfortable feelings that i used to let be my guide. It is a learning curve there have been times that an hour after supper I have hunger signals again a low point piece of fruit or snacking on lean protein has satisfied me.
On a trip like this the old me would stop watching what I eat and just throw in the towel for the weekend and start over on Monday ( hopefully) now I know, to make my weigh loss continue and to maintain the weight loss I have to change all of my old ways and embrace that this is how we roll from here on out!
