Where's Jenna? 11/23

I am seriously looking for me, as I am changing before my own eyes and I hardly recognize my own thoughts!! Example, I am headed int the gym yesterday and I see a sign on the door that says " Open Thanksgiving 7-11 am" and I think " Good! I can get a Workout in and a Steam bath for a treat!" Whoa!! who is that girl? Now lets add to that. Thanksgiving will be quiet for me this year, both daughters are headed in other directions, and I have been invited to many places but am opting out for a quiet day with DBF and myself, he has his kids obligations early in the day allowing for my gym time and than I plan on making the Weight Watchers point Friendly meal Apricot Glazed Turkey Breast and Sweet Potatoes. I am truly not worried about holiday gain, and that is a true transformation, and again I ask " Where is Jenna?"
I am embracing the changes and I am going to start to make a list of the things I notice so that when I falter, I can see it in black and white that I am and can continue to lose this weight and gain the healthy person I want to be!
Roland ( my pet name for the scale in my life) has been at my daughters house all week, and I do not miss him! My mood is great when I am not being taunted by him, and I base my success on how I am eating, exercising and tracking! I was afraid to let him go, I had visions in my head of me at Target or Walmart every day, trying out their scales,( scary visions as I weigh in, with my birthday suit!) or getting up early and visiting my daughter, stripping down in her bathroom and stepping on the dreaded Roland, but it has not happened and I am here to say, " Where is Jenna?" "What have you done with her? "
Well I am here to say that I am liking the new me and I am here to stay!!

My Walking Buddy 11/22

40° CloudyWeather, that is the weather this am, and she called and we are walking. I am whining, and she has to be the tough one, as I hate the cold! We are not walking our regular walk but instead she leaves her house a mile away and I mine, and meet at a coffee shop, we have coffee and than walk back home to our own homes, 2 mile round trip. I am adding steps to my day and building up tolerance for the cold. I decided a month ago that this morning walk has now been delegated to just extra walking as my workout at the gym has far-passed the intensity level that this walk is at.
It was a great starting place for me and for my buddy, but I say this with no judgment, just sadness as I know there is no good in it for her, but she still is smoking, and can not increase her walking speed. My job as her walking buddy is to stick it out with her regardless of the fact that I feel like hibernating in the cold, as she hates the heat but for my sake kept walking all summer. Walking Buddies, I highly recommend :)

My Goals Thus far

I read a great blog post from a friend this morning and it touched on goals and how in the beginning of this journey her goals were not of the numbers but of milestones that would naturally happen along the way. I was very impressed as a.) She has met them b.) She had the wisdom right from the start to see that the numbers were not the most important thing here, health and being able to live life to its fullest is the goal for her.
Admittedly for some people it is just the numbers or how they look in the mirror, and that is fine with me, whatever reason brought any of us on this journey, the success of the journey will inevitable improve your health and well being. I like my fellow blogger friend, came looking for health and well being. I unlike her, jumped right to the numbers and typing that and recognizing that, gives me the understanding of my relationship to the scale. It is like my Aha Moment ( Thank you Oprah for coining that great term).
I am going to backtrack to my goals last December. Long before I got on the scale I knew this to be true, I could not walk, climb stairs, carry my precious granddaughter or even tie my shoes, without being out of breath. I had not one day in the prior year that I did not suffer from GERD ( Heartburn times 10), I was on a CPAP machine for sever sleep apnea, according to the sleep sonography test, I stopped breathing more than 57 times and hour. I feared that like my Father whom died at 42 I would not live to see and enjoy my grandchildren and would leave my daughters, whom already were raised single parented would than become motherless as well. Simply said I was a mess, and rightly depressed.
All of the things I listed have changed. I not only am fit enough to walk and not be out of breath and can do any one of those tasks but I belong to a gym that I frequent no less than three times a week most times 5. The GERD is gone, except when I absolutely need Bacon. CPAP Machine just retired, and I had a clean bill of health on my heart in July, the Cardiologist gave me a year Warranty. I will always need to be cognizant and have a Stress test yearly due to family history, but I changed the variables that could have brought on my early demise. These are great goals met and they are the tip of the iceberg in terms of all the goals I have met. I will take some time and really think about them, and a post will follow.
So now I am thinking about the list of things I wanted to do and could not before I met these goals and one that stands out to me is, Yoga. I have read about it, bought a DVD Yoga for Big Women and misplaced it. I have talked with my older daughter and she too is interested and has been for awile, I have been dragging my feet, thinking I am too big, or I am not in shape or, or or,,,,Well the time has come and I found the place and I am going to add this to yet one more goal to be achieved.
I am not saying that the numbers on the scale are not going to concern me as unfortunately that is the way even WW measures the success, necessary evil, but when the dreaded plateau hits as mine appears to have, there is so many more tangible ways to see the progress and the goals met are so much more than the numbers reflect. So "Thank you " Frani, for the clarity today,
On a side note Roland ( my scale) has left the building, my daughter kidnapped him with the thought hat out of sight is out of mind and I am thinking at a Yoga studio lies the serenity I need to get over that obsession with him! Pretzels anyone?

Love being a "mimi"

The smell of waffles lingers in the air as I type, Blues Clues is on the Tv behind me which can only mean my Granddaughter slept over last night. I awoke to her asking me if we could go to the Santa Parade, NOW. She knew it was one more sleep away, she has been counting down the sleeps since 4 sleeps ago. That is how I taught my girls to count down big events when they were small and it so endearing to me to continue the tradition. She had her one last sleep, the remaining hours will be the long part!
Besides Evie knowing how to count down to the parade some other things have changed since last year, we will be walking, it is 1/4 mile up the street from my home, last year we drove anyways, as I was so out of shape and feared she may need me to carry her. Today I can carry her and will and walk. We will have company of my Sisters and their children and their childrens's children. I come from a family of Seven and I am number six, number seven was a Big surprise so her children are older than my Granddaughter but not so old that they do not believe in Santa. Another change this year is I will not be avoiding the pictures that may be snapped, I will not be wishing the parade will end as I can not stand or sit another minute, due to my weight causing me discomfort. It is the start of a Season of firsts for me again, and I could not be happier!
Haverhill, MA: The 46th Annual VFW Santa Parade will kick off this Sunday at 1 pm With the theme "Christmas in Haverhill's Neighborhoods," and we will be there!!

Roland won this week's battle, I will win the War! 11/18

Well I brought Roland out this morning expecting Sweet Success, I could see that 50th pound gone post, as I gingerly placed my feet on the Roland. Than it happened
with a wide sneer, the number came up 212!! again. Thoughts of Roland
flying through the air encompassed my head, tears welled in my eyes. I
did not kick him, I did not cry, and I will not give up. Back to the
closet Roland went.
I am beyond disappointed and frustrated, but I am also very happy with me. Happy?
Yes Happy. I had a stellar week, OP. I had enormous stress, my car broke
down and I did not make it to the gym the two days it was gone. I did
however exercise, I walked a five mile walk around my neighborhood that
was filled with hills to challenge me, both days. I kept my eating on
track, I kept Roland in the closet. I did my part and for whatever
reason the scale does not want to cooperate and I have no control over
that. Maybe it was the stress, maybe my body just needs time to adjust
to all the changes I have made. Whatever the reason, it is what it is,
and I must move forward and that thought is what makes me the happiest. I
am not having an internal argument with myself, there is no " What is
the use?" or " I give up until after the holidays" being spoken in my
head.
I have 5 Weeks to meet my goal of being at my half way
point in my Weight loss journey and to be under 200 pounds for the first
time in over 8 years, it is a very big battle, but it is the battle
that brings me to winning the war that my eating and lack of exercise
has brought me too. It is a battle and I want to win it and I am
confident that despite going in to the hardest time of the year, the
holidays I can win this battle. Next week Weight Watchers gives me a new
tool and I am hoping that will help propel me there and this week, I
will do what I have been doing, stay OP, exercise, and do not let Roland
talk me down.

I forgot to Weigh in today...11/18

Crazy day and I forgot to weigh in, which seeing as I am online you would think, no big deal....get on the scale now. Nope not happening. I weigh in, in the morning and in my Birthday suit, and I have battled the scale all week, tucked away in my closet the last 6 days, and when I get on it, I want to be at my best! I want 50 this week. Tonight at supper it occurred to me that is I was 49 years old I would not be so anxious for 50, but we are talking pounds here.
My car is back in my driveway, $883.00 Yikes, Yikes is all I have.
Short blog, hopefully good news tomorrow.

The Good News 11/16

A Follow up from Yesterday My Day
So yesterday was just out of control and as I sit here at my computer waiting for the garage to call with the price to get my car up and running again I am trying to find positive in yesterday.
The good news is Sophie my cat that was critically injured two months ago is 100% better. To recap, she was struck by a car and broke her pelvis in three places and suspected nerve damage to her, urinary system. She is spent a week in the hospital and than I spent two weeks bringing her back and forth for daily vet visits. They advised me yesterday that her youth and great health prior to the accident is what made the difference between life and death, but I should anticipate that she will have arthritis as she ages, and her weight is now tipping the scales too much. I love my vet, I wish my Dr was a tactful as that when he was concerned about my weight, I do believe he used the word " Morbidly Obese " and more than once.
Of course she is " Tipping the scales " she does not go out anymore, and that is a feat in itself as I never wanted her to go out, but both my cats, my senior 15 year old Penny, and the baby Sophie, were rescue cats. They were born outside and spent every minute that I kept them in, thinking about how to get out! I have done what prior to Sophie being hit, I deemed impossible and that is retrained Sophie to be an inside cat, please do not ask about Penny, as she has been going outside for 15 years and that will not stop. Back to the The weight problem of Sophie, now she just eats and sleeps all day and I do mean all day, she is resting for the attack mode she gets in, when Penny, bless her 15 year old heart comes in the door. Sophie who used to fear Penny has begun stalking her and tormenting her every waking moment they are together ( no wonder I can not keep Penny in) The fear Sophie once has was replaced with " I am a survivor attitude" after the near death experience. At night of course Penny comes in and , trust me she has it made. I recently in lieu of her being stalked and tormented by Sophie have given her own room, formerly my office. I share my office with Penny, at night she gets to be in there all by herself, food, water, her own latrine and a heating pad and cat bed. I however get Sophie who at 4 am is now awake and ready to play, she awakes me by batting my cheek with her paw, and if that does not work she starts knocking things off my dresser, until I get up and feed her again, and apparently that is the meal that vet suggests, I take away.
What is the post about again? Oh yeah the good news, so now Sophie like me is On Program and seeing as she is limited to inside work outs my job is too find away to get her moving and preferably between the hours of 7 am and 10 pm...any thoughts?
This good news from the vet was $45.00, adding to her total bill of $1071.00. I am so hoping that the broken down car comes in significantly less that that, but that is the bad news, I will save for later