Throwing Away Food

I have been throwing away a fair amount of food these days, and I just did it again. Somewhere in the recess of my head I hear " There are starving children in Ethiopia( insert whatever country your mom used) ,,,,,," I heard that a lot growing up, as I am sure a lot of us did. As a child I like many always wanted to offer back " than please send it to them." Common sense prevailed though as my mother was a hot head and believed in corporal punishment and had the fasted backhand in the Northeast.
Today is a different story though, the food I am throwing away can not be shipped or sent to a food pantry, I would do that as we all know the starving children reside in our very own country now. The food I am throwing out is food that I bought or cooked thinking I would like it, but I do not, and being wasteful to me now is , eating something I do not like or enjoy it is wasting my points and wasting my efforts.
From previous posts if you read or follow them, I am a self proclaimed Chocolate lover and every day I have a piece. I count the points and I keep the chocolate in my desk drawer and have many different bars opened at a time. Last week I bought a Lindt Dark Chocolate with orange. Well, I have eaten half the bar at three different times and it is not for me, just not something I enjoy and today I just threw it away. Half of a $3.99 bar of chocolate in the trash. My efforts, of tracking, intense gym workouts, meal planning, exercising with Jillian in front of a TV wielding a kettle bell, are worth the $3.99. This is a big revelation for me, and as much as I hate to be wasteful I know that for me and my healthy relationship with food. I need to stop eating when I am full, eat because I am hungry and eat what I enjoy and not eat for others, or because I spent money on the food and do not want to be wasteful. Reality is now the same as it was as child, because I do not eat it, it can not be shipped and it will not help any starving child in whatever country, even our own. Learning to take care of me will give me the strength and knowledge to be able to help others. This said I am not going to let myself feel guilty or make anyone else feel guilty for not eating something they do not like, I get it.
Now about the chocolate, I am loving that one piece satisfies me, and that the better the chocolate the smaller piece I can eat and still be satisfied. For any other chocolate lovers out there, Dark is my favorite and I have found a great new ( new to me) chocolatier that just makes me heart sing http://www.lakechamplainchocolates.com/Chocolate/Chocolate-Candy-Bars.aspx

" Dough Boys "

I am reading a lot of posts about the holidays as it seems Halloween is the gate for the upcoming Holiday Season and I too started to let my head go there, as this season I still have weight to lose. I decided to not be freaked out.
My first thought was about my families traditional Christmas morning meal. I grew up and I can confidently say every Christmas from the time I was eating solid food was that of a concoction known in my house as " The Dough Boy"
Upon some research I see that the name is not just a family name and an actual name for a the fried doughy treat that graces my table and every relative of mine on my Mom's side of the family as far back as I and my elder siblings remember. What comes to mind when I mention to people the " Dough Boys" is the white chubby pop in fresh Pillsbury guy, but that is not the picture I get. My dough boys are golden brown pieces of bread dough, that have been left out over night to rise and then fried in a Cast Iron skillet that has been three quarters filled with Crisco ( That white soft lard comes in a big round can). Once cooked they are placed on a plate layered with paper towels to abosrb any extra grease, which I know that is laughable! We all get to choose our own toppings and speaking for myself, I ignore the sugar and cinnamon, and go right for the butter. All across my family this is happening Christmas morning and knowing that is so comforting, it is connectivity like no other. I have 6 siblings with entirely different lives and they have children of their own that have since moved out and had families of thier own, and yes you guessed it, if they are not returning Christmas morning for this ritual, it is playing out in their own homes. I love that thought, that feeling and that experience and I for one am not changing it this year. That is not a statement of defiance, it is what I love about Weight Watchers program, I do not have to change that. I may not have fun calculating the points for one of those " Dough Boys" but I can and I will, and I will love eating it, even if it sets like lead in my belly, and oh it does!
Yes, I have seen the articles that say 7-15 pounds of weight can be gained over the holidays but I can assure you that was not my 120 pounds, mine was gained over 365 days of bad choices and no activity times many years.. I have worked really hard to change that and it is happening, and will continue and so can everyone's else s. The Dough Boys stay on the menu, the mindless eating is out. I will pick my battles, I will eat what I want, but will pass on polite eating IE: Sisters cookies that I do not really like, but eat because I do not want to hurt her feelings, Candy on co-workers desks, ect.
Another thing I will remember is not only are the malls open but so is the Gym, the gym does not close down over the holidays.
As always I have been googling and I love this article, it will help me maintain my weight if not still lose. http://my.clevelandclinic.org/heart/prevention/nutrition/holidayeating12_01.aspx

Cold intolerant

Cold Intolerance-Many patients notice that they feel “cold” after they begin losing weight. This is due to a change in metabolism and a loss of insulating body fat.

I found this description of what I have been complaining about on a bariatric surgery site. I do not want to actually complain about anything in regards to my weight loss, but this is a serious problem for me and has been since the first cool day blew in last month. My friends and family who have been discounting my general belief that I am cold due to losing my fat insulation and this is after losing 48 pounds, I still have 72 to go! I actual find myself hoping for a pre-menapausal hot flash, but alas in true fashion they left with the summer months.
Dear boyfriend is truly the winner here as I tell you I can not wait for him to climb in bed and warm up my feet and other things as I just can not get or stay warm, let's just say there is truth to babies being born nine months later following any cold snap or large snowstorm. Despite him reaping many benefits he is also the least likely to believe that losing weight has anything to do with the fact that I am COLD all the time now. I think he wants to go with he is just irresistible and who am I to burst that bubble.
Today I have spent a lot of time, reading about ways to keep warm in the winter months, and I have found some great ideas and here is a few if you too find yourself with my new dilemma.
http://www.ehow.com/how_2165825_dress-warm-winter.html
I like this site as it actually addressed dressing warm for outside fitness, something at this point I am not sure is going to happen with me!
To combine solutions to some concerns I also went on LL Bean and ordered a new jacket and warm socks and my first piece of silk underwear ( of the thermal nature) to see if I can find someway to get through the upcoming cold months without becoming a recluse.
I can assure you that I have not decided to add the weight back on and I will continue to lose the remaining 72 pounds of insulation, I mean weight, but it will not be without a lot of hot tea, warm mittens, maybe even fleece lined jeans ( saw them on LL Bean Site!). I welcome any other great ideas of how to stay warm as it will be a long New England winter for me and moving South is not an option!

I was on a ledge this morning.

I was on a a ledge this morning and there was no talking me off. I was disappointed and angry and petulant., I still am a little petulant, mostly because I like the word though.
"What happened you may ask? " and a one word answer " NOTHING!" no weight loss, and add insult to injury I got this message from Weight watchers when I logged my no weight loss week, Thanks for tracking your weight. Are you satisfied with your weight this week? If yes, keep doing what you’ve been doing. If not, look back at your Tracker and see where you might make some adjustments.
Best of luck and see you next week! " Do I sounds satisfied!!, oh yeah that is right you can not hear me."

" Whatever, talk to my hand " I checked the week, not that I had too, as I know I have stepped up everything, my exercise, tweaked my eating and for Pete's sake it was Halloween week and I had no Halloween Candy.
I stopped short of stomping my feet, and when I went to my mom's to set up her medicines for the week I was still pouting and borderline obnoxious.
Somewhere between my mother's and back home I decided to go to the gym and work off my attitude as I am babysitting today and that granddaughter of mine deserves my best. Than I packed my gym bag as I decided I was having a steam bath today after my workout. I have wanted to use the steam bath from the first day I joined the gym back on March and have been too self conscious to do it. I worked out and showered, took my Steam bath and I feel great! I realized I have had some weeks of great loss's and typically my body does that, lose, lose, lose, maintain, a little rhythm thing it has going, but I am good, I am not too self conscious to take a steam bath, Heck, I chose the gym to adjust my attitude instead of my old friends Ben And Jerry and their famous Heath Bar Crunch!
"What do I have to be disappointed about?? " like I said though I like the word petulant, I may let that linger awhile.
Fifty pounds will be lost just not today...

Ouch!

Last night I as I climbed into bed, I muttered " Ouch " for the 50th time yesterday, and I am starting all over again. I woke up feeling my thighs, quite frankly they may have woke me up! This is the direct result of a Kettle bell Workout DVD and a Women named Jillian. Great Workout! I definitely worked my muscles.
On a spur of the moment purchase I bought another workout DVD. Typically, or should I say in the past. I have not been a fan of working out with DVD's as my coordination lacks something, looking for a word for it, Grace, Balance, the ability to figure left from right in a split second. Nonetheless I thought it is time to do some weight exercises and I am not ready to tackle the gym weights quite yet. I have the Leslie Sansone and that is a great DVD to get a quick walk in when I can not otherwise get one, plus it amuses my Granddaughter to watch her Mimi, and she loves to join in.
Back to the spur of the moment purchase, and my inability to walk or sit or climb in bed with out an "OUCH!"
I bought the http://www.dietsinreview.com/diets/jillian-michaels-shred-it-with-weights/ Sunday and lo and behold, I did not get to walk my scheduled exercise and thought this is perfect I will try it out. First let me say, for anyone else like me who is a little challenged with coordination, this DVD is very doable, and that was my first instant like to it. Jillian is Jillian and if you are not familiar with her, be prepared to be guided through, or maybe I should say strong armed through an intense effective workout that will make you sweat and I am assured you will burn calories! I will be shopping for a Kettle bell today as I used a free weight but feel that the Kettle bell would be easier for the moves she has you do. It was Cardio and weight combined as my thighs can attest too.
I am finding more and more ways to add exercise in and I am also learning that things I may have not liked on my first, second, third, or billionth attempt at weight watchers over the years, I have found I am more receptive too, so if I had a piece of advice to give today it would be " Be willing to try different forms of exercise, even if you did not like it in the past, just like your food choices and tastes can changes so can your preference for activity".
Grrr,,,,have to get up and shower now, " OUCH!"

90 Seconds

So the couch to 5k , first impression..... 90 seconds can be the longest of your life, that is the 90 I am running, boy those 90 seconds went by way to quick, yup you guessed it, the 90 seconds I walk.
My goal for November is to stay on point with the running idea,as well as the schedule my exercise.
I ended October with 6 pounds lost, I weigh in Wednesday morning but it will be counted as my November weight loss, and I want to see 8 pounds for November.
December 26th is my year anniversary for starting this weight loss journey and I want to be halfway there. I can do this, I know I can. 60 pounds is my halfway point.
If I lost 2 pounds this week, I hit 50 pounds, gone but not forgotten.

That's all I have for today.

"Oh Yeah, You Blend "

For years and years that famous quote escaped me, I had never heard it until one day a very good friend, said it aloud to me, and when she heard I never watched the movie " My Cousin Vinny" where the quote originated from, she insisted I that I do. I watched it and recommended it for a day you need some mindless chuckles. I can not think about blending in to any situation where I do not hear that line from the movie and think of my friend and smile.
I am thinking about blending a lot lately especially as I have started to incorporate running into my exercise regime.
I have tried and most times successfully to just blend in with the crowd. Until I hit my heaviest weight I always could just blend, and I liked that, never wore flashy clothes even if a particular flashy item really caught my eye, nope not me. The reason being was I was never wanted to draw attention, clearly tied to self esteem issues, and feeling not good enough or that somehow my extra weight made me feel less than. It is more complicated than that though as the reasons I have been overweight has been tied to that same feeling, so that I know is where the real work or weight loss and maintaining my weight loss will come from, resolving that "stuff".
Back to the running though, it reminds me when I first went to the gym and how i just wanted to be invisible, I searched for the treadmill that had the least amount of foot traffic around it. I wanted an outfit for the gym that covered everything yet did not look like a Hawaiian Moo that was sure to get snagged on treadmill and make me look like one Jillian's treadmill floppers from the Biggest Loser. Four months later, I do not even worry about that anymore. I am on most days not heaviest lady there, but more importantly I am strong and making it through my workout and have lost weight, it is working, and I feel good about me.
I have found a track at the local Community College and it is pretty close by, which is good as I go there at 5 ish early evening in the hopes that as it is dusk nobody will be around, or very few people as I want " to blend", I can get my 40 minutes in just as it is getting dark, I would run in the dark if it were not unsafe!
It is the fear of standing out that clearly is making me the most uncomfortable about the running. To me success with running will be more about feeling comfortable and not that I can run more than 90 seconds and have to so stop and walk 90 seconds it will be when " blending" is not a thought and I will only be running at dusk because I had no other available time!