I am in a dangerous place, and I fear a binge ( a ramble to get through the urge) 12/4

I am not sure why I am in feeling out of control, but I am.
Could be a side effect of the bronchitis, sick since Monday, no gym, no trip to the grocery store. I am on the new new plan with no stocking up on the fruits and veggies.
10:30 and I have eaten and here is my tracker so far
Soy Milk with coffee 2
3/4 Honey Bunches oats cereal 3
1 cup skim milk 2
Pizza ( cold ) 5- not very good I might add.

This leaves me 18 for the day and 15 weeklies for the rest of the week, 4 days. I am struggling. I have candy in the house for the kids stockings ( kids, meaning 25 and almost 24 ) and it is in danger. The first three days of my week has been on the heavy side of eating, and it has occurred to me that it could be as simple as I feel bad and am trying to eat to make myself feel better. I know eating will not make me feel better but it is such an ingrained habit that even this many weeks into my weight loss I feel myself looking at the possibility of an old habit.

Tea with lemon, 0 points
My solution for the next three hours..... and than a reasonable lunch of soup...for 3 points.
I can do this, I know I can, and just writing it down, shows me how much more aware I am for the reason behind my eating, and gives me the strength to stop before ingesting another bite, forcing me to be conscious of why I am eating. None of the foods I have eaten as yet has nourished my feelings of wanting to be taken care of, and not by someone else, but by me. I am sick, I want to take care of me as I do others and cold pizza, stolen Christmas candy, does not do it, Tea with lemon, yeah that works, Chicken soup, feels good, laying on the couch with a good book, or a movie...

Any one know how many points in Cough Medicine?

I think I have said once or twice that I am negative when sick, not sure if I mentioned whiny, irritable and can cry on demand. Well that sums up where I am at today and have been this week, and I am disappointed as I think I have bronchitis and will head off to the Dr to verify my self diagnosis. I have a long history of bronchitis, and I never smoked and do not live with any smokers now, so why do I get bronchitis? add to that I was diagnosed with Asthma last year, Adult onset. I am a skeptic on that Asthma Diagnosis, but nonetheless in my medical chart it is there.
I am disappointed because I thought like everything else that has gotten better with weight loss, my bronchitis tendency would go away. Listen my blood pressure is great now, as is The Gerd, no more C-pap machine for sleep apnea and my heart is great, no more chest pain, the list goes on. As I type this I see the danger of my thinking, Weight loss does not fix everything in my life, and there is danger in thinking it will, as that disappointment is another obstacle that can and has for me in the past and others as well, to regain the weight as what they thought the weightloss would fix, still remained and needed fixing or acceptance. My bronchitis is going to need my acceptance. I can like the fact that I feel physically stronger to handle the symptoms, I am coughing and a lot and unlike when I was carrying a lot of extra weight it is not complicated with the being out of breath from just living with the extra weight. I am no longer wheezing because fat is surrounding my chest and so the wheezing with the bronchitis is more bearable and hopefully can be brought under control quicker.
Bottom line for me to know though is " losing Weight will not fix everything broken in my life," Repeat, repeat, repeat.
So the gym has been out of the question for the last two days, No AP's and I am back to the question of "Any one know how many points in Cough Medicine? " I am trying to maintain my humor,,,,,,

Keep Your Eye on The Ball

I went looking for a description of the quote " Keep your Eye on the Ball" and this is what I found and it is exactly what I was meaning.
keep your eye on the ball: try to achieve your goal; do what you have to do to.
If you don't keep your eye on the ball, you're not going to be successful.

I have lost 52 pounds! I broke through a plateau that threatened to derail me, I am wearing clothes in sizes I have not seen in years, and I have reclaimed my health ( not counting the cold I have, as that will come whether I weigh 350 of 110 pounds).
When I got on the scale this morning and saw that I had lost three pounds just this week, bringing me to my mini goal of losing 50, I immediately looked at what I had to do to reach my next mini goal of being at my half way point by my Weight Watchers anniversary date. DBF, quickly said, " Relax, look at what you have done and enjoy that for a minute" I will tell you what I said to him.
" I am enjoying the loss and I will every time I think about it, and I will think about it a lot! " What I have learned from myself and even from the contestants on the Biggest Loser is, I need to always have a goal, something I am working on to keep myself focused and successful. " Keep your Eye on the Ball." That is what will keep me successful, that is a great realization for me, and it is just another step in this journey, and without learning that I am certain that I would have stopped along the way, sidetracked, and that is what has let the weight come on. I gained this weight while I was sidetracked with other things, eating mindlessly or purposely eating to numb my feelings, more often than not, by focusing in the mini goals I have to think before I eat and I have to decide to either feel my feelings or stuff them down with Double Cheeseburger and side of fries, and I choose to feel them, deal with them and move on!
This is a learned behavior, and I am still trying to master it, but I hope it helps someone else that might be fumbling and and trying to find the strength to start, or stay on board, or just find something to help them. " Keep your Eye on the Ball."

On a lighter side, for the 50 pound lost celebration as I am celebrating!! Tomorrow night I have an appointment to reward myself with a new hairstyle, and my hopes are to share that in an updated picture, providing I can get one that I like, DD is in charge of helping me get some before and during pictures so that when we reach the after we can really see the journey.

Enjoy the Day!!
" Even with this cold I could just skip today I am so happy!! When was the last time you skipped?

The Good, The Bad abd the Ugly

I have been up for awhile, trying to be kind to DBF who has to work and I have been coughing half the night, I am up so he can sleep, so I did what any normal Weight Watcher would do, I checked out the new plan, again and again.
I still am optimistic and feeling like I can do this but I have some relaizations, and I will start with The Good-My work outs are going to count and gain me more points, almost 5 more per workout and for that I am so happy. It makes sense to me to as I add a lot of resistance to my workouts just by the extra weight I carry before I pick up any weights.
In my refrigerator now sits 8 small 1 cup size containers of my Soy Milk that I put in my coffee. This is a what I consider the The Bad- I have worked really hard to find a way to have three coffees every morning ( very necessary) and have them be creamy and sweet. Month's ago after great research I gave up half and half.,Goodbye Half and Half for point reasons and did not want to add fat free half and half as I wanted to lean into a cleaner eating style. Yesterday I learned that my soy milk that I have made work, 2 pts for one cup has jumped to 4 pts. Yikes, for reasons I will explain later ( otherwise known as the Ugly) I need to keep that number to 2 points for my three daily coffees.
Back to the measured cups in my refrigerator. I have learned that 3/4 of a cup of the Soy Milk I use is 2 points, and I can live with shaving off a 1/4 cup. I am not so bright first thing in the morning so I figure until I really see how much that is I better go back to measuring, another good thing that the new program will get me to get back in the habit of.
The Ugly- DBF likes to eat out three times a week, and before you start thinking it is about my cooking, I assure you it is not! He would assure you too, but hopefully due to my sacrificing my sleep because of this cold and coughing, he is sleeping. When we go out I usually have wine, a eat well, have I can eat out and still lose, back to the Wine. Wine doubled in points per ounce. DOUBLED,,,, as did most breads and my standard baked potato? Gained 2 points. I need to make some sacrifices and I see that, and still I am up to it, but the wine and backed potato, I need some time to adjust too, this is The Ugly. A typical meal out for me is
Wine 4-6 ounces, twice a meal,,,ok,,ok,,two glasses of wine. was 4 pts now 8
A cup of Soup 2-3 Never cream based 2-3 pts
Grilled fish or chicken 5 ish
baked potato was 3 now 5 points with sour cream only 1 pt. thankfully stayed the same.
Steamed Veggies ( I will gleefully add that my beloved Winter Squash no longer costs me any points!!)

While DBF is sleeping maybe I should start working on subliminal messages. " Eat at home 5 nights a week, Eat at home 5 nights a week, Eat at Home 5 nights a week..."

I think this is to be continued .....I am thinking the Ny-quil is getting to me..

Size Large

" Mom! Look at you, you look so little." that is what I was greeted with the other day from my daughter Michelle.
Now I have lost weight but I would not call myself little but I will accept littler :)
Today I woke up with a cold and I was a bear, and any excitement I had for the new program was out the window, I immediately saw that points had changed on many of my favorites and was starting to feel doomed, fortunately after a couple good naps and feeling better I am ok, it will be ok, I lost weight with Weight Watchers trusting their knowledge and I will continue to lose 70 pounds trusting them, bringing my weight loss to an anticipated 120 pounds.
I reminded myself something I really wanted to write a blog post on and that is I am a Size Large in Sweaters and Shirts. I found this out quite accidentally this weekend, while shopping some local second hand stores as I am feeling the cold with my weight loss and want clothes but not for a lot of money. I plan on continued weight loss so investing in clothes is just not practical, however wearing clothes hanging off me is not either!
I went into the store and started a pile of Size XL, happy as I started this journey at 2X and it has been years since I have seen an Extra Large. The woman behind the counter was pleasant and so interested in my Weight loss, we talked about the program and I felt like a walking advertisement and I was good with that. She also kept steering me to size larges, and I said I would try them, but I was doubtful. Guess What? yes, I am a large" I am happy very, very happy.
Again today Michelle tells me how little I am and asks me if I remember the last time I was a size large, she thinks 7 years at least, when she graduated from High School, and I looked at some pictures of that time, I think it was longer. This brings tears of joy to my eyes. I can do this, we all can do this, and it is such a great feeling and any changes Weight Watchers has made I am up to them, I committed last December and I have no intention of letting a change in the road stop the journey. Soldier on

Let me preface with this, I am sick, aka negative

I have been looking forward to seeing the changes in Weight Watchers for weeks. Today I get up and see them and I am like a whiny and not amused child, my favorite bread jumped up 2 points per slice!
Same for my cereal, and before I go totally off , I have to remind myself that I am sick and feeling negative, I went to bed with points still left over in my weekly's for the next two days and woke up to being into my activity points ( which had grown overnight as well, and that is as positive as I can be).
I thought cut my loss's and change my weigh in day til Monday and start afresh and it will not let me do that! GRRRRR,,,,,,,not how I anticipated welcoming in the changes.
Going back to bed, will get up read some positive posts and get my head back in the game, if I can just stop sneezing, coughing and feeling so , well...BLECK!

My Guy 11/27

Lucky me, and I am hoping many of you have a significant other like this or will find one, but here is why I am so lucky.
Wednesday morning was a bit of a disappointment for me, I weighed in and found that I had not lost any weight for the 4th week in a row, and alluded the 50 pound lost milestone I was looking for. I accepted it, somewhat graciously but was still mopey about it with DBF. We had dinner and he went back to work for a few hours and when he came home I was in bed watching The Biggest Loser reunion show. We were talking about how so many contestants has put the weight back on and I was talking about how that is one thing that makes me try to be patient with my weight loss is I want the bad habits to be completely under control when I hit maintenance as that is what I perceive as the hardest part of my journey, maintaining my weight loss.
What came out of his mouth made my heart feel sing and feel totally accepted and understood.
" Jen, I admire you so much, you get up every day and motivate yourself to eat OP, exercise, and you have lost almost 50 pounds on your own, No Jillian or Bob, or a carrot of $250,000, and while that may seem like a simple thing to do I know it is not and I love you no matter what you weigh, but I know this is about your health and I want you to succeed and know you will. I know you will get there and it does not matter how long it takes."
When I fell off the wagon and got back on the scale again on Thursday morning ( I am really trying to weigh self just once a week) I got my Thanksgiving Surprise and I have broke the plateau and lost 50 pounds, and no one was happier than DBF, but I had already been rewarded the night before with his sweet words and reminder of the things in my life that are right and he is one of them.
He is in the picture with my post today and my Granddaughter, the both of them add to my happiness every day.