Me ? Competitive?

Competitive- relating to or characterized by an urge to compete:
I look at that definition and I think, Nope not me. However, here is the thing, as I am going to the gym tonight at 4:30 it's a pretty busy time. usually I am leaving at this time, but today like Tuesday I am watching my grannddaughter until 4:30 I have my gym clothes on and will scoot right out the door.
Tuesday when I was there at this time, I found myself on the middle of three elliptical machine with someone on either side. One of the fellow ellipticalists....( work with me, not sure what to call them ) started at the very same time as I did and the other was working out when I got there. I immediately made a little gym pact with myself, I would not get of the elliptical before the fellow ellipticalists who started with me did, we could call him Mr Buff..... than the girl on my other side, who was there before I got there has her elevation up to 5, she was about my size, and so I thought, if she can, I can,,,,,by the way Mr Buff, lasted 60 minutes as did I.
It did not stop there, I watched another on the treadmill in front of me, using a medicine ball like you see them do on the Biggest Loser, while walking and I thought, I can do that... What is Happening Here?? I think what is happening is, I am finding my inner athlete the one that has been hiding out all these years, and I also think, I like her!!
So now when asked how to describe myself I guess I better add...Competitive,,,,but always in the nicest way!

I can see Onderland!!

I want to start by saying, I had my daughters when I was still young, married at 20 despite my family offering to throw the wedding of a princess if I waited, I jumped right in. By 21 I had my first daughter and 22 my second, by 29 I was a single mom. They are almost 26 and 25. It is amazing to me that I am 47. Where did the time go? AT 47 I am a grandmother.
When they were little and all my friends were still unmarried and at the time to me it looked like living a fun filled carefree lives, I would tell myself that I had my kids young, and was fulfilling the role of the responsible parent and when they were grown, my child rearing days would be all but over and it would be time for me to just play and be carefree. I am still laughing at that thought as once a parent you are always a parent and I would not have it any other way, but I was right about the fact that now my daughters are older and have moved out, I have much more free time to take care of me. Did I? nope not at first, I really just fumbled along, was lost a little, and still heavily involved with their day to day lives.
That changed, and I decided a year ago January that if I wanted to be the best person for myself and be around to enjoy my granddaughter I needed to take as good of care of myself as I did others, the result is as a family we are so active together.
Bringing us to today. After a year and a month, after spending the last decade in the 200's I can see Onderland! The view is wonderful, and I am not out of breath when I climb the hill to look down on it. Onderland is full of trails to be hiked, bicycle routes to ride, and countless people to meet and places to see. If I had to give it a color I would say it is the color of a field of wild flowers, and you can smell them, before you can clearly make out each of the petals. I can hardly wait to get there and really look at all it has to offer. To get there sooner I have upped my time at the gym, tweaked my cooking again, less oil, more measuring and weighing what I eat, I have my Merlot and Dark chocolate for my heart ( smiling) but not on the same day) and when I get discouraged I come here and visit my friends as well as reread where I started and the the end result is I can see Onderland!!

Great Start Feb 22

I am waiting for one of my oldest ( not by age but years we have known each other) and best friends, to arrive and we are headed out for lunch. We have plannns for alocal place and than it dawned on me that I really want a GREAT week and to really ppush myself to get to Onederland ASAP, so when she arrives I will suggest Subway. I love that I can stay right on track there and I feel like Bob or Jillian from the Biggest Loser but hey, they are right!
I went to the gym already and worked out on the elliptical for 60 minutes nonstop and accrued 7 APs! I feel good!!
Yesterday was my day to cook all day and that got thwarted and I instead spent the day with one of my daughters , so when I get home from lunch and and picking up my granddaughter for the night it will be a Sunday that is usually eight hours of cooking and prepping crammed into 4!! One thing I know for sure hough if I do not do the cooking and planning for the week, the week will fall apart. "If You Fail to Plan, You Plan to Fail." that rings so true with me.
Blogging later today will most likely not happen with all the cooking and prepping needing to happen.
Kellie a fellow blogger here had a great post today with questions of us and I liked that and had a few of my own I would love to hear some answers too, so here goes!

How many Ap's do you do I day and a week?

Most weeks do you eat all your extra pro points of the allotted 49?

Do you try to not eat any of your Ap's accrued ?

aha!!!

One of those aha moments happened tonight, I was out we ordered pizza, I ate my alloted two pieces and they tasted sooooo good. I wanted more. I bargained, it is Sunday, the beginning of my week I have 49 weeklies I can have more. I did not and here is why. Sunday night is usually pizza night for DBF and I , next Sunday is coming I will do this again and it will taste just as good. I can wait, I can enjoy the taste, piece number three will not change how the taste it will just make me feel uncomfortably full and guilty as I am not hungry anymore. That simple. When did this happen?
Lost three more pounds this week, and am 5 pounds away from Onderland. I can see it , and it feels great!

Now this is Gonna be Hard

I am a big believer in everything happens for a reason, and my big gain a week or so back really made me think about the processed foods and salt in my diet. I emptied the salt shaker and started dialog with fellow weight watchers about salt. I started reading about it and really have been watching the intake.
Fast forward a week and my friend has a heart attack at age 52 and I am thinking, my cutting back may help me help her, keep fast forwarding and I find myself in a nutritionists office with my older sister whom is struggling with End Stage Liver Disease. She is on a transplant list and it is a waiting game, that has just been stepped up as her Gallbladder is acting up and must come out. For you and I that may be an easy surgery for her it is huge risk. We were in the nutritionist office as she has to limit her,,,guess? ?? Salt! Yes she knows/knew that but with the flaring of the Gallbladder she changed her diet to accommodate the pain and up went the numbers on the scale like a slot machine at a casino, Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing.... she had added a lot of broth and soups...Big NO NO.
The Nutritionist was a wealth of information and we left there armed with ideas and a plan and a tool I want to share with you guys. Calorie King is a site where you can pull up all the nutritional values on just about every food out there. Calories and what I was looking for sodium. It is an amazing tool and as I am learning today I consume a lot of sodium. I decided to log in about week of typical eating and than go from there and today as I finished my lunch here is where I am at!!
Lite soy milk with coffee 100 mg
2 Slices grain Bread 400 mg
Chicken Salad -lite 290 mg
That was my weird breakfast,,,,felt like a sandwich

Salad with Feta, croutons
and Italian dressing 740 mg

So here I sit at 1530 my recommended amount for the day, with supper still in front of me! I am up for the challenge if really getting my sodium intake under control as I really want to lead by example and help both my sister and my friend, so I think you may be hearing a lot about my trials with giving up the salt...".Just say not to salt.."
Think we could find a button for that!!!.

Bottle this

When Spring comes and the weather is warm, but not hot, The Sun is shining brightly, you can hear everything coming alive, animals, birds chirping happily, plants poking through the recently thawed ground, runners are out again, and Mom's with baby carriages, it evokes a feeling. I have said and heard a hundred times, " I wish we could bottle this, and save it for a rainy or cold day." Yesterday would have been the day I opened the bottle and let all the warm happy goodness out!
When I awoke this morning to my cat poking at my face, as she is convinced that the half filled bowl of food is one step closer to starvation and she needs a new scoop at 5:45 am to start her day, I laid in bed thinking of how far I have come. Yesterday's fatigue was gone, I am feeling like I have successfully jumped a hurdle in my lifelong battle with my weight and more specifically , my emotional eating.
Yesterday I was awash with emotions for good reason, the heart attack scare of my friend topped the list, but the list is riddled with triggers, a chronically ills sister who is having a very bad few weeks, elderly mom that I care for whom can run up and down, financial woes that come with unemployment, stress of the new job and career direction, worry of how to juggle all of this and continue to take care of me. These are just a few and we all have our own lists, but what has slowly happened for me and what I awoke feeling today was how I handle that emotional for lack of a better word " Garbage"
I will tell you how I used to handle it, and I will be brutally honest as I awoke thinking about this, and thinking not craving, which is part of my successful feeling today." 2 Big Macs , Large Fries, Super sized." $17.03 Worth of Chinese food off the lunch menu at my favorite chinese place, that is usually one luncheon plate with two appetizers and extra duck sauce, Large Sub with Fries, if morning , 2 Bacon egg and cheese biscuits and three hashbrowns, yes McDonalds was my friend. That is a sample, as their were nights that before I went to bed, I would have a sleeve of oreos and a cup or two of milk, a pint of Ben and Jerrys, the list goes on.
Somewhere along the journey that started last year, stringing one day and another and another together, this has changed, I no longer even know if McDonalds, super sizes. I cringe when I think of the calorie count and now I wonder about the sodium count, but what I do not wonder about is what changed.
I changed, it can be done and it can continue and yesterday was my affirmation of that, I realize that I get it, and when I do crave those foods and sometimes I do, Chips and Dip was calling me yesterday, I could almost taste it that is how vivid that craving was, but what I realized was that craving was also an indication to me that I needed to listen to what I needed, I was craving something and what it was, was rest, take care of me time, as someone said in a comment on my blog, rejuvenate. Instead of eating and I took time for me, did what I do to make me feel better, and when all of that still left me feeling better but not good, I rested, shut off all the electronic devices that would distract me from taking care of me and rested.
While lying there thinking about what I used to do, and my eating I also thought about what I wanted from today, a good workout at the gym, fresh pineapple, read blogs for inspiration as they always inspire me.
" I wished I could bottle this" if I could I would pass it out to everyone and save some for myself for when the feeling hits again as I am sure it will but for today I am just going to feel the warmth of it and soldier on.

Turned the heat up to 70!

I am tired and cold, emotionally exhausted from yesterdays news about my friend's heart attack, babysat my granddaughter all day today and took care of some medical issues of my moms. I feel like I have an emotional hangover. Tonight I need to take care of me.
I took a trip to my favorite place to visit when I feel this way, and that is the local animal shelter. I have two cats here at home, both adopted from that shelter and they give me a lot of comfort, companionship and love and in return they live a good life!
This particular shelter has two rooms where cats who get along can roam free and than of course rows of cats in cages all with their ages and stories. I immediately saw a chair in one of the rooms where the cats roam free and found a friend, a big orange tabby who looked like he owned the place! He came over and sat on my lap for awhile and I could feel myself relax and feel better. I know some people might think it is depressing to go there especially when I have no intent on adopting, but I feel like the cats are so happy to have someone come and spend time with them and the patting of them and socializing with them makes me feel better and gives them some attention that they may otherwise not get. I left relaxed but still cold.
I am home alone tonight and I really should have gone to the gym, but I can not convince myself to go out again, so instead I decided I can turn the heat up to 70, just for a few hours and feel snugly warm, eat a truffle from the candy my Valentine got me yesterday and just chill. Tomorrow is another day and the gym will be there and if I after tonight, treating myself well, I am sure I will be in a much better place and I will make it to the gym cold and all.. I am also going shopping tomorrow, despite the fact that it is sooo cold and we are still in Winter, Spring and Summer items are at the stores and I am shopping for a New Beach Chair and a New Bathing Suit.....now that will get me to the gym!!!
Thanks for listening............

" A Heart Attack??!!"

I started my day with a post on my blog about my Valentine, that was the sweetest part of my day.
Not long ago I posted about my best friend and how she is my Louise and I am her Thelma, we had had words as the day had arrived that she was to give up smoking and when I called her out on it, it got a little ugly. That day came and went and we are true friends and we have had words before and will again and always we are friends and I love her with all my heart.
After writing my blog post I went about the rest of my morning and noticed that last night at 10:45 Peg ( my friend had called ) she left a message, " please call me, I know your probably asleep but when you get this message call, it is important" Of course I called, no answer. I called back ten times, I texted, and nothing.
By noontime I was getting very concerned and left a message saying " I am worried , please call ."
1:30 I got my call, Peg had had a Heart Attack, my best friend all of only 53 years had had a Heart Attack, and last night she was calling before they did a Catherization to unblock an artery that was 95% blocked. I drove to the hospital fighting back tears fearing what I was walking into and imagining my life without my Louise.
After the hugs and the tears and the relief that she looks weak, but good, came the concern and the part if me that wanted to lecture and shakes some sense into her, I refrained but have already been researching ways to help her quit smoking and will up my research into low sodium eating and cooking.
Thank Goodness Peg knew the signs of a heart attack as she tells me she had every classic sign.
As I sit here with gratitude that as yet Peg is fine, and push away the thoughts of all the what ifs... I hope on this Valentines day, everyone take the time to learn the signs of a heart attack as it may save your life or the life of a loved one.

You have to kiss alot of frogs before you find your prince"

"You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince" This is a quote from one of my sisters. I love this quote as in my case it held some truth. My road to happily ever after was rocky at best and dangerous at times, but at the present time, it is sweet and simple and exactly where I want to be and where I want to stay.
I got up very early and placed a red bag filled with my DBF's favorite candies and nuts and treats next to his take to work bag and a very special card saying one of the most important things I could ever be sol lucky to say and mean. I am in Love with my very best friend. He is my go to person when things are good and things are bad, and he is the most supportive of me even when it is a popular place and when it is not.
Without him I may not be where I am at today in my weight loss journey as I have been one of the lucky few who have a man that loves me and thinks I am beautiful when I am 261 pounds and feeling my worst about me and when I am 145 and feeling confident, he has been here for both and he has never wavered in his love or affection.
Lucky for me that this road to happily ever after was rocky as it is what makes me realize what I have as I know what I have had and I know how lucky I am!!
We went out last night and celebrated the day with dinner as today we will have my granddaughter, and making little valentines!
We split a Valentines day meal for two, Filet Mignon, Lobster Pie and Chicken Parm, with salad and mashed potato and broccoli, it was delish!! I skipped the chicken and he skipped the lobster, I skipped the mashed pot, he skipped the brocoli , I had the wine that went with the meal and he ate the cake and a a perfect date it was!
I wish Everyone a Happy Valentines Day!!! If you have not found your Happily ever after remember what my sister said "You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince" That can hold true for this as well "You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your princess"

Moving Forward

Ok, let;s start with this, I lost 3 pounds! Yes I am happy, it feels a little bittersweet though as I lost those three already and I have 3 more to go to be actually losing new weight. Yes, still licking my wounds of a 6 pound gain in two weeks. That said I do feel good, and I have a plan.
My plan is to clean up my eating even more and too exercise even more, I expect more than I have to do more. The eating part of my plan is my war on salt, as I said last week, I have really done some reading though and boy I was pretty clueless about just how prevalent the role salt plays in my diet! I have been feeling like I am a pretty clean eater and that I have reduced the amount of processed foods I eat and I have but I see that I need to step that up as well. The FDA has put out new recommendations and they say that 1500 mg of sodium is what is recommended and a typical American diet contains twice as much if not more. I do not consider my daily diet typical, so that gives me some relief, but I did decided to explore this on one of my favorite sites the American Heart Association. I like that site as I come from a family of Cardiac problems my dad died when I was nine after suffering three major heart attacks, and now later in life my mom has had her issues. Siblings as well as myself have had our scares, I even have had a Catherization and trust me as happy as I was that there was no blockages the idea of a needle every being threaded through my thigh again, keeps me in line! So here is an article I read on salt and they have a quiz at the end that I encourage you to take, I took it and got 5 out of 8 right, of one of the ones I answered wrong, about chips and tomatoes juice, I was blown away. I hope as I learn more and explore salt less options I can share them with you.
In August of last year I had another heart scare as told here and the end result was I was 100% cleared for exercise and I have and I feel great about that, but yup, I have a plan for that as well. I am putting it in writing, almost like a contract with myself in front of everyone to up the ante. Yesterday I went to the gym with my daughter and she eloquently pointed out that while working out my heart rate was better than hers, she is a very fit girl but lacking cardio in the winter months, but what I also realized was, I kind of sort of, like the gym. " When did that happen??" not only the gym but the Elliptical Trainer that I have been so afraid of, I was liking the rhythm I was falling into, liking the sweat beading up under my hairline at my neck and more importantly liking how strong I was feeling! These realizations will keep me moving forward and give me a better sense of direction as to where I should be focusing with my eating and an exercising and I will lose the next three pounds again ( sigh) but I will also get beyond that number as Onederland awaits me...........

"how do you know you're out of shape? your mother kicks your butt at the gym

On the Eve of my weigh in following last weeks 5 Pound Gain I was thrilled to read this on my daughter's Face Book Page "how do you know you're out of shape? your mother kicks your butt at the gym" She posted this afternoon. Michelle is 25 and in great shape she rides horses, is an EMT, all 125 ish pounds of her lift 300 pound people up on a stretcher and all that stuff. I have been known to write blog posts on how when walking through trails with her I feel like Jillian from the Biggest Loser and she may be genetically linked! She is is however not a gym dweller.
Michelle called earlier today wondering if I could work Pizza into my day as she was craving it and we both like it the same way, onions, peppers and garlic, and added a salad to the order and called it in. The pizza was pointy as a result I am eating a lot of Zero point Veggies tonight and half a serving Turkey Veggie Chili off the Weight Watchers site, it is VERY good I might add.
I am thinking about some Non Scale Victories I had this week and that Facebook post is definitely one of them. I also emptied the salt shaker that was on my kitchen table and vowed to not add salt at the table anymore. I have long known that salt is a problem for me and suspect it played a strong role in the weight gain last week.
Besides today's work out with my daughter I also worked out three other days and conquered my fear of the Elliptical trainer.... I tried it, I liked it, yes I liked it!!
The scale may or may not be kind to me tomorrow, but I can assure you and more importantly me, that if it is not, it has nothing to do with my lack of effort and I will reread these non scales victories and soldier on!

Inspire Me!! 12/11

Another cold day in New England and a quiet day at my house, I dropped Granddaughter back off with her mom, I had her for the last 36 hours and she fun, and a tad exhausting, we were busy and I am grateful that I have the energy to keep up with her, but I am admittedly tired.
I am longing for some inspiration and have been reading blogs and feeling a like I just need a push, to read something and be inspired to get myself out the door and to the gym. Maybe it is the long cold winter or maybe that I see a job and my career moving in a direction albeit the new job does not start for a few weeks, but something is sapping my energy levels and I feel low. So I read blogs, and the comments that go with them and I feel something happen within me, it is a realization that I need to inspire me. I need to be my cheerleader here. The only way I am going to reach the success that is mine is if I do the taking.
Somewhere I read, Do the work and the inspiration will come, I like that and I can see where in the past that has happened for me, especially with the gym. It could be that when I push myself to get there and I put the effort in, the endorphins kick in and I just feel better, or maybe it is I see the progress, could be both but it does inspire me.
This Winter that is so draining will go, the days are already getting longer and the sun ( when shining) is shining longer and I know that under all that snow lies my gardens, I will be tending to them soon,and I will be walking through my favorite trails, my job will start and I will feel better. Until than I have to push and yes inspire myself to keep working for my success. Success for me is the weight loss to continue, and my body to be healthy and strong, being fed food for living and to have walked away from the feeding my body to make my head feel better. I am reminded of my mantra early on in this journey and that was whenever I felt sad, I would eat and I replaced that with
" There is nothing you can eat that will make this feel better". Jillian on the Biggest loser helped cement that with me when she said " Hunger is not a Feeling" to me that meant you can substitute sadness with a cookie, or any food item.
My mantra to get me out to the gym on days like today when I want to just stay cozy warm inside is "Do the work and the inspiration will come."

Jennifer

Well I waited all day for the Oprah show with Jennifer Hudson, and I was not disappointed. She looked amazing and had some good things to say. It was nice having her family in the audience and seeing some of their successes as well.
I so agree with her when she said if there is something you do not like ( referring to yourself) Change it! I so believe that, that is not to say I think it easy as I know it is not.
I read some message boards, and I wished I hadn't as I forget that they usually can make me cranky, this time the busiest board was about her hedging about the actual number of pounds she lost. There we comments indicating she is the spokesperson for Weight Watchers therefore she should just come out with the number. I decided in the best interest of my sanity I would not jump into that discussion as I have done that on this particular message board before and lived to regret it.
Here is my thoughts though, the scale is just half the story, we all know that, the healthy eating and habits is the real story and just ask anyone who has been stuck on a plateau, yet have seen tremendous losses in inches if you need more clarification. Putting a time frame on the weight loss is not a great idea either and it is usually the follow up question to " How Much have you lost?" It can be a huge frustration and sense of disappointment to those that take longer to get the weight in pounds off, so from Weight Watchers point of view maybe that is not where they wanted that to go. From Jennifer's point of view and I could be all wet on this, but my feelings are look at her, look at how happy she seems and if the number is something she rather not share, spokesperson or not she is still entitled to her privacy. I am quick to say how many pounds I have lost and how much I have to go and what my goal weight is , and I know anyone can quickly do the math and figure out my highest weight and what I weigh now, but I am fairly certain last time I looked " The Enquirer " or " The Star" magazine was not trailing me waiting to see that number change and make me the next story of the day!
All in all so glad I caught the show!!

Against all odds

Against all odds, that is how to describe the likelihood of me working out at the gym today. I woke up sluggish, and forced myself to get outside and warm up the car for the trip to my moms. At 7:30 it dawned on me that the trash needed to get down the driveway and neither the neighbor upstairs or DBF had tended to it. It was than about 2 degrees out and I hate the cold, not just a little, I HATE THE COLD ,,a lot.
I grumbled my way out the door and for the umpteenth time this winter juggled the barrels down the icy driveway.
After the trash detail I headed off to moms and took care of her stuff and when I returned home I could not motivate myself to go back outside. I was a slug today admittedly, no ambition, and just low key, played on computer, took bubble bath, wrote out grocery list and read blogs, heck I did not even write my own blog post until now, typically it is first thing in the morning.
I had not heard back from my job interview and self doubt was setting in, I knew that one of my references had been called and it was a personal reference so I felt good about that. I knew that at 5:30 I had to leave the house to pick up granddaughter for the night. At 3:00 while laying on the couch watching my favorite soap opera, ( usually that is when I do my gym workout, watching it while I work out) it hit me, a sentence I had read on another's blog this week " What are you willing to do?" I begrudgingly got up, and slowly packed my gym bag, if I was going to work out, i needed incentive and today that incentive was a steam bath. I put on my gym clothes, grabbed my coat and gym bag and headed for the car. I negotiated the icy drive way to be accosted by a road rage driver whom was not amused that I needed to edge my way out past the large snow banks, it apparently slowed down his high speed trip home. Next was the too narrow street that had me almost impaled on a snow bank...trust me the thought of returning home was running high. Get too the gym and there is not a space to be found, and the parking lot is encumbered by large snow banks that limit the parking spaces even more. Finally I find a spot and have a car right on my Tail.....I look over my shoulder and to signal that I am taking the spot and it is an ex boyfriend of years past, I know he uses the same gym but usually I am out of there by the time he comes, in 16 years we have not spoken a word, yup that kind of ex boyfriend. I still proceed and park, and walk and can hear someone behind me, yup...the ex, I take the high road, and open the door to the gym, hold it open for him, say Hi, How are you? and answer good and walk away.
I am at the gym, I worked out and I treated myself to the steam bath............the nicest thing a cold winter can offer.
When I am all showered and dressed to leave it occurs to me, I feel good, I did the right thing. I am willing to go to the gym Against all Odds that I will not. I have been eating well this week, I took the high road and spoke to someone I would be happy to never see again, I have lost 50 something pounds and am on my way to lose 60 something more, in addition I am changing the direction of my life, interviewing for a job that I will be doing what I love things are good.
Get to my car, voicemail, listen, call back,,,,,, I have the job!

Gaining Back Control 2/8/11

Yesterday was a good day, on the heels of posting about stopping the gain that I have witnessed coming back on. I feel good and while reading some other blogs of friends I see a trend. Not all of course but some of us are struggling right now, whether it be due to a Super Bowl fiasco or busy schedules or just the doldrums of a hard winter, it can derail us. I can be derailed but I need to get back on the track, so to speak.
I am a caregiver to a lot of people not by career but by nature, born that way, maybe a role in my family I was six of seven children in a very chaotic home, whatever the reason, that is who I am.
I read posts of bloggers who are struggling and I feel compelled to leave a comment with some help, many of us do and that is what makes this site work so well for me. What would like to say for anyone who gets my comments is that I promise I walk the walk, if I leave you a comment of something to try, it is something I tried and it helped.
All that being said, yesterday I got a lot of positive comments and help on my post about me needing to stop the gain, and I am grateful, and I had a good day yesterday. I went back to basics, weighed and measured my food, tracked every bite, added no extra salt, ( am actually thinking about removing salt shaker from my table!) met every healthy guideline. I stayed within my points for the day, unfortunately I did not exercise, but I will today. This week is about getting back control and it will most likely result in a weight loss but should it not, I know it eventually will. I may string a whole week of good days together that is my intent but we all know that good intentions can go awry, but I will keep trying and the keep trying is what makes the difference between succeeding and not.
While at my job interview yesterday ( I think it went well) the subject of whether I was capable of carrying fifty plus pounds came up, and I was able to say " Yes, I can do that " This job would not have been an option last year. While discussing the physical aspects of the job my weight loss came up it was refreshing to se ethe reaction of a stranger of the significance of losing fifty pounds, as we forget what an accomplishment weight loss is. She was amazed and I think it coincidentally helped with the interview, it showed motivation and determination. One thing to remember is if losing weight was easy we would not have a nation with an obesity problem! When we are on this site we lose we are contact with people on the same journey and it is easy to minimize your weight loss number as there are people with higher amounts, but every pound lost is a step in the right direction for your health and well being and again, hard work that requires the ability to try again and keep trying.
Today I shall keep trying and tomorrow too!

Stopping the Weight Gain 2/7

So yesterday I owned my five pound weight gain, and added it to the one pound from the week before. Six pounds up and ad far as I am willing to go, actually farther than I was willing but whats done is done.
My first step in regaining control is recognizing that probably more than half of the gain is water, due to my very bad salt habit. To combat that I need to cut back on my table salt and really start looking at the hidden places sodium is in my diet. I can do that. It will be hard as I recognize that I am a little like an addict with my salt and not to make light of anyone's addiction, I too feel a little powerless over this white powdery stuff. Yesterday my day of reckoning on the scale was also Superbowl Sunday, what that means for me,I go to a party at my sisters with her husband and my niece and nephew whom are 9 and 10 and absolutely love my potato skins I make and bring and I equally enjoy the food their mom has prepared. The potato skins are adorned with crisp cooked bacon, any saltaholics demise. I cooked it crisp and ate my share before it landed on the potatoes and I than again indulged in the treats at the party, 19 of my weeklies are gone, but I am not worried as I planned on that. Yesterday I also reintroduced myself to my good water habits that had slipped off the map. I drank my weight number in ounces of water ( I am just assuming that). The other thing I did and I think it really helps me is I sat down and read blogs and kept reading until I could feel the positive energy rekindle. I even reread some of my own posts, to bring me back to where I was when I started and how I felt as I went along. I was very lucky to read a blog by a friend whom always inspires and yesterday was no difference, it was Rosemary. She wrote yesterday " What Are you Willing to do?" and I really needed to read that and ask myself that question. Thank you Rosemary.
I already have answered the question, but I need to keep asking it, and than ask it again. I am willing to keep moving forward and that means continue to go to the gym and continue to push myself to workout harder. I am willing to track every day every bite, I am willing to blog honestly and to be unbelievably truthful with myself on why I am eating and how I feel and how I need to not eat to feel better. I am willing to take care of me, and that means for me right now, to keep moving that scale downward.
I am signed up for a Yoga class that begins next Sunday night. Five weeks, I did research, it is a gentle class that eases me into yoga, I have spoke with the instructor and discussed that I have lost 56 pounds and am looking to lose 60 more, and that I was new to Yoga, and have a tendency to bite off more than I can chew ( love the food references) and this is the class she suggested, I am optimistic!
This morning I measured my peanut butter that i put on my toast. I know the wisdom and going back to weighing and measuring as it is a natural progression to eyeball bigger portions. I am cleaning my cupboards again, it has been awhile I want to see what culprits have taken up residency again, like Ritz Crackers, processed foods that are high in sodium. I have a plan I am using it!!
I have a job interview today at a local garden center that I frequent and I am hopeful as not only is this joureny about my weight loss but it is about living the decision to live my life doing what I like to do, for years as a single mom I worked a multitude of jobs to pay the rent and financially support the girls, great paying, soul and time stealing jobs! Now it is just me to worry about and that means working for the rest of my years, but doing what I love, for that I am willing to live frugally and have time to write and have time for my family. That is what I am willing to do for today and hopefully always.
I will keep this "What are you Willing to do? " question right on the top of my head, and for good measure taped to the fridge...."

" Are you Kidding me??!!!"

So when I got on the scale this morning, " Are you Kidding me??!!!" escaped my lips, loudly. It was not because I had hit onderland as my goal has been and will continue to be for awhile. Nope, it is because in one week I gained 5 Pounds, add that to last weeks 1 Pounds and now we are at up 6!!
You might ask who gains 5 pounds in week, or maybe not as you all like me have been on this weight loss journey and know that it can and does happen.
I am not as shocked as I am disappointed and not with myself as much as you might think as I have been feeling good about my joureny and my progress and I know that a lot of the numbers on the scale are just out of my control at times. I need to own some of the gain and I need to just accept some as monthly fluctuations and the joys of woman hood, as the girls are very sore and that tells me that not only are they filling out my bras better but they are holding some fluid that might otherwise double as false advertising for DBF.
Some of the gain is I am struggling to drink my water, here is the reason, I drink my water warm especially in the winter as just the act of drinking cold water makes me cold and I hate being cold.I drink most of my water in the car, back and forth from errands and taking care of my mom and for that reason I always keep bottled water in my car, a case and you know what it is there know, frozen solid. On my counter in the kitchen I keep a picture of water with a Brita Picture and that too has been neglected as I am keeping the house cooler ( price of oil) and it sits next to the coffee maker, I will always pick warm coffee and hot tea.
Problem number two, is salt. Love salt and like and it loves me, I have had a lot of popcorn this week, within my points but clearly with too much salt. The only good news about my salt habit is as of late I have noticed it and thought, this tastes salty or even too salty, and that is happening more often than not. Coming from a family if cardiac history with a tendency to retain fluid, sadly it is time to attempt to kick the salt habit.
Now I know some of this gain is clearly too much of something else too, and I will look over my tracker and find some things I can cut back on and get my water in, and as much as I am disappointed, I am not derailed as here is what I know, I look good. I feel good, and I have lost over 50 pounds and this is a setback and that is all.
When I look in the mirror I see the changes, when I see friends and family they are quick to ask about my weight loss. When I shovel for two hours I remember that last year I was incapable of the same effort and most importantly I know this is a journey and challenges are made to be met.
Mr Salt, you and I need to stop seeing so much of each other, I will miss you but I am sure you will find some one else and hopefully she will treat you as well as I have, but please let's break off our relationship slowly....

Long Day, Tired with a side of Gratitude 2/4/11

In my goal to blog once a day, here is my second attempt. My first attempt was this morning, as usually that is the best time for me, I was interrupted by my sister whom is very ill and on a Liver transplant list. She needed a ride to the hospital and that is where I spent the remainder of my day.
She has a gallbladder problem and for you and I that may be a quick fix, maybe surgery, maybe blast the dang stones, but for her it can be a life threatening situation, for that matter so can a cold.
We got through the day and she will most likely be there over the weekend while her transplant team decides the best course of action.
I am tired, tired from sitting in a chair and watching others do their work to make my sister comfortable and feel better. It is an emotional tired, as I know at any day one of these trips could be her last, it is tired from pretending to be strong when I sometimes feel very weak and small.
Today was also a day that was riddled with laughs and stories, those times when you wait in between tests, and IV's being hooked up that you break the silence of the remember when stories.
I am also full of gratitude, as I was able to drop what I was doing ( blogging today) and be there for her, grateful that this emergency is being handled and she will most likely return home and continue to wait for a Liver. Grateful that I have my health and a plan to just make that health improve daily, grateful that I am not craving a cookie to ease the pain and grateful that I have a group of friends here to share the good and the bad and sometimes the ugly, Thank You!

Sharing a Picture of my Sister, she has the best laugh I have ever heard, looking at this picture, I can almost hear it!!

Respite 2/4/11

The sun is out and the landscape looks beautiful and after all the snow and feeling cooped up I am taking a respite. I am not listening to weather reports, I am sticking my fingers in my ears when others discuss any upcoming storms and I am enjoying the day!
My phone has been placed on silent and the TV is not coming on, I just need to shut out the noise for awhile.
The gym will see me this afternoon and I will use the arc trainer that I tried the other day, but in all the hub bub of weather and such I forgot to blog about it. I had been hesitant to go back to the gym after a weeks absence. I had had a bad experience with a an over zealous training company and I just felt a little defeated. The self doubt of whether I was exercising right was there and even though I gathered support from all of my friends here and on chat boards I was still feeling uncomfortable.
Last week I pushed through that discomfort and just walked into the gym, changed out of my boots and walked over to an Arc trainer and got on and started moving! I resisted the urge to get off and go see my familiar friend the treadmill, I will visit the treadmill again but this visit and the next few are about making myself push past my comfort zone, and that I did.
My arms are very sore from shoveling as the snow banks are so high that I have to throw the snow up a few feet and that incorporates different muscles. Part of my respite will be a visit to the steam room after my work out, a treat to my sore muscles and a breath of fresh air for my dry skin.
Yesterday I made a nice chicken barley soup and that will be my meals with a nice salad on the side. A day for me, a reminder to myself if I do not take care of me, who will?
I wish everyone a day for themselves!
I love this picture from my local news channel...taken before the addition foot of snow fell...and before any more comes, but those thoughts are for tomorrow!

Even the Best Laid Plans Can Change,,,Adapt!

Yesterday I had planned to get all my errands done before the snow started. I had done my homework, listened to the weather and knew I had three good hours before the snow would start. I wrote a grocery list that included healthy choices. I had an appointment three towns away and as I headed out he door I saw that the snow had prematurely started.
I did my usual dust off the windshield with my mitten covered hand as it seems this year in between all the snow storms we always wake up to a " Dusting" on the car and ground.
I went to my appointment and had to park half a mile away as the parking everywhere is atrocious, there is truly no place to put all this snow, and parking lots are being swallowed up by gigantic banks of snow that is encrusted in ice. Roads that used to serve as just roads are now covered with cars parked along the sides, makeshift parking spots. When I finally reached my destination after walking half a mile in the street as even the sidewalks at most places are the resting spot for snow that we have no idea what to do with, I was a little late. When I exited the building an hour later the snow was falling in grand style! My first instinct is familiar to these days, I curse the Weather Men!! " You Said afternoon!! It is Still Morning!! " I am being kind and leaving a few expletives out. Those poor Weathermen, they get the curses and it is really Mother Nature, but we are too afraid these days to anger her!!
I had to get driving back through a few towns and still pick up some groceries and basically buck up and drive. So much for my plans to be and out before it all starts. I walked the half mile to my car and cleared it from the snow and embarked on the ride home, I passed a few cars off the road and than found myself behind the safety of a state plow truck, I love when that happens, and for 10 miles that is where I slowly plugged along from. In those ten miles I slipped a little hear and there and I also got the opportunity to think about the best route home, on a clear day the Highway would be the best, and I was approaching the exit, it would shave 15 miles off the commute,in this weather it instilled fear, but the back windy roads held the safety of slow purposeful driving, houses to seeks shelter if need be, fellow slow travelers who can help if need be, but my personal snow favorite, slow driving. I went for the slow driving and it was slow. I quickly feel into a routine that I was familiar with, fall more than 4 car lengths behind the car in front of me, gently steer into a slide and do not jerk the wheel in resistance, going to need to stop at a light or sign, put the car into second gear, naturally slow the vehicle do not jerk the brakes on, headed down a steep hill, second gear, than first. Do not obsess about the guy behind you, you can only control your driving, and worrying about him, distracts you. What was usually a twenty five minute drive took me and hour. When I reached five minutes from home, I took a break at the grocery store, quickly gathered the food I needed and embarked on the rest of the trip home, 5 minutes took twenty.
I need to quickly fall into a routine with my eating too, during these back to back storms as even though my plans were set, I never made it to the gym yesterday as the snow started early. The shoveling started earlier and the stress driving made me really want to eat. I came home and emptied the groceries and at 12:30 I realized I had yet to have breakfast or lunch. Brunch could have become, cheese and crackers straight from the package, icecream, even though in the freezer in one cup serving bowls, it hardly should be the first meal of the day! I decided on a healthy salad with Tuna. All day long I wanted to eat, I chose well, I fell into a OP pattern, knowing this too would pass.

My plans to make the gym feel through with the early snow, my Ap's yesterday were that of shoev eling and that is ok, today I will do better, and add in a exercise DVD.
I adapted!

Calm Before the Storm 2/1

My home office faces the front of the house and my desk is kiddie cornered between the wall and the window so I can see what is going on outside my window, and today I am looking at the calm before the storm. I live on a main street, as I have said before the snow banks are so high that getting out my driveway takes an act of courage. I gingerly ease out, honking my horn to alert traffic and try not to brace for impact as I know the injuries could be worse that way. There is no place to put the snow and and the local weathermen have upped our anticipated snowfall totals, I sit in the 20" to 24" (sigh).
As I look out the window I see my neighbor readying for work and she is putting a shovel in her car, I get that, I have been stranded in a snow bank before and tried to remove snow with my hands and my snow broom, needless to say I stayed stranded until some kind person stopped with the shovel.
We have the potential for some dangerous situations, I look outside the window and see that same neighbor has not shoveled their roof, and they have a flat roof, I have been noticing a lot of flat roofs lately and am grateful mine is not. I resist the urge to suggest they take care if that as I see approx two feet on it already and wonder if it can withstand more.
The traffic on my street is moving well, everyone doing what I plan to be doing get your errands down, and hunker down.Within the next few hours this street will be littered with cars attempting to get up the very slow long incline to get home, it is always an amazing sight, one I like to see from my window and not the tail lights ahead of me.
A few years we went through an ice storm that to me was the worst winter I recall, with the exception of the Blizzard of 78, but I was a kid than and I loved that, it was before all the worries in life concerned me, like now! That ice storm left me without power for a week, and I had pneumonia at the time and was forced to stay in my home to keep water running and make sure pipes did not freeze and my pets were kept safe. That makes this storm look like a piece of cake.
Today I am going to try to look at the upcoming storm as an opportunity to have some quiet time, cook healthy meals, try a new exercise Dvd and practice some yoga pose that I may need for the class I will be joining. I want to also quiet the feeling of impending doom I have about all the dangers as if I can do that, than surely I can apply the same skills to quiet my inner discontent about the plateau I feel I am headed for, I can see the danger but not obsess before it happens and instead be prepared and ready to handle it. I have the tools and supplies for the storm and I have the tools and supplies to get though my weight loss journey, We can do this!!
My Granddaughter is bubbling with the idea of " More Snow Storm Mimi!" I shall follow her lead.............. ( I will let you know how that goes....LOL)

Snow Angels

So the weather man has predicted another foot and a half of snow starting tomorrow afternoon into all day wed, and I am headed to the grocery store, the gym and than I have my Granddaughter for the night. I will hit the gym again tomorrow, looks like Wednesday it may be closed and than back at it again Thursday. Wednesday I will be doing a Last Chance Work out tape with Bob and Jillian and of course shoveling. Friday back to the gym before the snow flies on Saturday, astorm that the weathermen are hedging about. I have a plan, and that will help me get through this tough week.
Beef Barley Soup is on the menu, and a chili, I scratched the idea of Baked Macaroni and cheese, as I know that when the snow flies and I feel cooped up I will eat way to much of that comfort food! I was thinking I would make it for my granddaughter but I was smart enough to know that my state of mind needs to be strong to have that kind of temptation around. I like to cook though so healthy food is a better plan. I will also cook one of the oatmeal in the slow cooker recipes on this site as that will be a great comfort food.
When I logged onto my computer this morning I was greeted on Facebook with a picture of my Granddaughter, playing in the snow, she was making snow angels and it made me think, "When was the last time I did that? " When was the last time I enjoyed the snow and took the snow days as an opportunity to relax and do what I love and that is when I decided to cook some healthy meals and when I am done shoveling I will have something healthy and yummy to warm me up. We will be making snow angels here Wednesday and maybe a snowman as well. The mood in the Northeast is cranky, we are tired of the snow but that does not mean Mother Nature is going to stop delivering it, so I will take a page out of my Granddaughters book and just enjoy it, it sure beats the alternative and that is to grumble through the rest of the winter.

Tigger or Eeyore, I had a choice this morning.

I woke up this morning and when I weighed myself the scale was at the same place it was last week, and that was up a pound from the week before. A lot of things went through my head and than I decided to look at my month of January. I lost two pounds and instantly I was feeling the crazies approach. " Whats the use" I give up" and my personal favorite " It will never happen."
Right than at that moment I knew I had a choice I could be Eeyore or I could be Tigger, from my favorite childhood stories, Winnie The Pooh. .
Eeyore is my favorite amongst my beloved Winnie the Pooh characters
and he is an unbelievably loveable donkey who is dismally gloomy for almost eternity. I have been Eeyore and am not willing to play the role again. Tigger happens to be an outgoing, cheerful, competitive (in a friendly manner), fully confident of himself. Tigger is who I need to be to get to where I need to go.
I need to step up my game and not a lot, some is just adding more consistency and going back to what works. Measuring again, consistent exercise, drinking my water, all the basics.
Today the first thing I am doing is reminding myself that I have done and amazing job and two pounds in a month is a lot better than the weight I was gaining monthly before I turned things around. I have some really good habits in place and they did not happen by accident and what is standing out to me right now is that I have a habit of finding away to take any potential negative and turn it around.
So today, I have a new week, and a new goal and I am taking some advice from a fellow blogger/friend and that is no more number goals. I have absolutely no control of whether the scale will change from week to week, whether my body will give up a pound or if the exercising may cause a temporary gain. I can control what I do to move in a forward direction and that is where my goals will be best served.
This week, my number one goal is 5 days of exercise, shoveling is extra.... I have work out DVDS for the days that it will snow and we know it WILL Snow and I have a gym membership and I can do this!!

The Wonderful thing about Tiggers
They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy pouncy
Fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN
But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers
Is I'm the only one.

Beneath this Trellis lies, my Garden

Yesterday as I was signing off of my post I said stay tuned for tomorrows picture of what my garden looks like today. This trellis all covered with ice and buried beneath two feet plus of snow is the most beautiful garden.
Today the trellis is beautiful in its own right, still holding the christmas tree lights we strung on it in November before the first snow of the season hit and as we know kept hitting. This trellis is undergoing transformations, as we are as well, and beneath the weight of the winter is a new garden waiting to spring forth in all its beauty. I sometimes feel like that as well. With every pound I lose I feel like I am finding more of me that was lost along the way, sort of a new birth, more confident and happy. I have always said that some people can be heavy and have all the confidence in the world but that is not my story, as with every pound I gained my self confidence was being chipped away at and likewise with every pound I lose I feel it coming back.
The beauty I see in the trellis today is the same I see in myself, I am strong and can withstand the storms, I need to dig deep and stay the course and in the end the sun will come out, air will warm and all the hard work will be rewarded with sweet success.

Need a Swift kick in the you know where.....

I have not been to the gym in over a week, and no videos either and I am sure watching MTV's I used to be Fat, A& E's Heavy and of course The Biggest Loser does not constitute exercise. The good news if any, is that I have been shoveling and Spring cleaning ( hoping if I Spring clean , Spring will come) and they both add activity, but seriously that feels lame even as I type it!
How quickly we can be derailed is what I am thinking. It is the weather and the cold, I am becoming reclusive. The gym is a little cold and I need to find a sweatshirt or long sleeve workout shirt that helps as if I am cold, I will not go.
I have goals I want to meet and they are not going to happen if I do not get my smaller derriere in gear. I have been researching a yoga studio as I feel I need some core and strength training , and serenity would be nice too.
This is my Weekend to get all those ducks in a row and jump in gear, I weigh in tomorrow morning and I am going to hit the gym!! Elliptical, and Treadmill, treadmill is my comfort zone and the Elliptical is me stepping outside of my comfort zone.... Please feel free to get some AP's by help kick me in the you know where,,,,,,as I fear if I do not get going, the tide will turn and not in a good way.
Today the picture alongside of my post is one I want to share with you as tomorrow I hope to have a picture of what that same spot looks like today...this picture was taken in October...... stay tuned!

Blah Blah Blah = Snow Snow Snow

So the weatherman with the prediction of three inches of snow when the others were saying 6-12, he was off by 5.5 inches! Heavy and wet the kind that causes heart attacks or as the mornings case may be, roof collapses. No injuries reported but our first roof collapse in the area which means the shoveling of flat roofs has begun.
Any school teachers in the area may not want to hear my positive thought this morning.It occurs to me with all these snow days, that school will be going til mid July and to a Beach lover like me, that means less beach traffic, books being read without sand be kicked up by running little feet. I know... I am stretching but there has to be some silver lining......
I have been absent from the gym, and I need to get back on track, the scale has been flat-lining and I feel like my momentum could slowly dissipate and that will not get me to my goal, so if I do nothing else today I will get to the gym and I will commit to blogging about it later, for now I will shovel out the car so I can get there...

Retail Therapy, but Flannel?

Today started by watching the news, Weather to be exact, the three major news channels and I sort of got a surprise, a wish come true. I wished that the Weatherman was wrong and were were not being forecast to get 6-12 inches of snow, on the heels of below zero weather that has made me seriously think about Florida. Well I heard the first weatherman, my trusted one give his dire prediction 6-12, flipped the channel and heard it again with a slight variation 5-9 inches and than flipped again and hit the jackpot, this weatherman whom is now my favorite says Wed night into Thursday 3 inches!! That is it 3 inches! SCORE!! We Have a Winner.
I called my sister and she had errands to do, so I invited myself to go with her. If you do not live in an area that has received more than 27 inches of snow in the last three weeks it would be hard for you to picture what backing out of my driveway is like, but the snow banks are so high that I have to Honk my horn at the end of the driveway in hopes to alert any passing cars that I am coming out and than I gingerly ease into the road, despite the advice given by DBF to go quick,,, I ease gingerly, thinking the impact of the oncoming car will be felt less if I am not accelerating in his direction. Today I was safe and went along my way.
We were shopping for her, but feeling as I have been, overwhelmed by the weather and the impact it has had on my workouts, and the feeling that I will never be warm again, I knew the only thing that was going to help was some retail therapy.
Clearly even my shopping has been dramatically effected by this forsaken weather as I passed by the new Spring clothes, did not even glance at swimsuits...Brrrrrrrrrr... and skipped the cute workout clothes, I noticed but skipped them, I went straight for the Lingerie, and not just any....nope the Clearance Rack!! The Rack that was sporting all the winter warm at half price and I found just what I was looking for, a very warm pair of flannel pajamas, with cuddly dogs all over them, and here is the good news,,,,,,,Size Large....yup...I have made it to the fringes of the promise land, no more 2X, no more 1X no more XL ,,, I am a large and one size away from my resting place ....Medium. Tonight as I type I am very warm, and still choosing to go with door number three the weatherman that forecasted three inches...Thursday morning we will know if he is out of a job or if I picked the right door!
Fitting into the size large prompted me to keep trying my luck and see what other surprises awaited me and I am pleased to announce that I have officially moved from a size 18 jean to a size 16 but in lieu of the budget and the upcoming visit from the oil man the jeans had to stay behind, but only for awhile as I intend on cleaning closets if by chance my new favorite weatherman is wrong, that is how I will spend my snowbound hours!