65 Pounds!!

I can hardly contain myself this morning, I just received another 5 pounds star! I have 13 now for a total of 65 pounds lost! I decided a few weeks ago that I am only going to post the loss's in five pound increments and I am so happy to post this one! I am less than half way to goal now and I can see the goal post!
I weigh 196 and I feel like I am safely under 200, that even with a monthly fluctuation I am should not have to see 200 again! Watching the sodium will be key I know.
Any newcomers out there reading this, I want you to know, this can be done, it takes time and effort and the desire, but it does not take pain or suffering, or deprivation! This week, I had a decadent cupcake, a glass or two of Merlot, and my dark chocolate with almonds, I also had a lot of fruit, vegetables, and lean proteins. I earned 49 Ap's and drank 8-10 glasses of water a day, do I sound deprived?
I get to buy myself a non food reward, this weekend......What is not to love about that?!!!
My oldest daughter has suggested that we train together for a 5k run as she is looking to get in shape and I am thinking it will be a great addition to my exercise schedule and help tackle the next 55 pounds, so maybe my gift will be a nice running outfit!
To all my supporters here on my blog, and in my offline life, Thank you!! when I have days when the weight loss has seemed insurmountable it has been you that rallied me, and I am grateful beyond words!!
Woo Hoo!!! " Did I say I lost 65 pounds!!" Yup I did. Next Stop 195

I drive a small car

I drive a small car, and today while driving the gas light came on, I was on empty. I immediately headed for the gas station where I frequent, they always have gas at the lowest price. I filled the tank and for the first time of the lifetime of this car ( 10 years) it cost me $50.00!! I am shocked, angry and frightened. Finances are tight, they have been for awhile and they are about to get tighter and I am finding that I can not afford simple luxuries like, I used too.
I could do nothing, live with the fear and anger and do nothing, I have done that in plenty of other situations, or I could draw a line in the sand and that line is, One tank a week for me.
I am halfway through my weight loss journey and tomorrow when I weigh in I think I will have hit 65 pounds lost, leaving me 55 to go and I am in great health, so guess what? " These feet were made for walking!" and walk I will!! To the grocery store, with my re-usable bags, the post office, and when possible, to work! Walk to visit friends and walk granddaughter to the cupcake store. Sixty Six pounds ago, I would not even consider giving up driving for walking, today it is a simple happy solution!!

This was Supper :)

I babysat My granddaughter last night and after I picked her up she sweetly asked if we could go to the " Cupcake Store". We have a bakery in town that the owner ( baker) has a date on the show "Cupcake Wars" and I think she could win!
I am not good at turning down a sweetly polite request from that little girl so off we went. She picked out a pink frosted chocolate cupcake for her, one for her Papa and I ordered myself a Chocolate one that was named Almond Joy and it tasted much like the candy bar it was named for.
I had points left, for the day about 10 and I really was not hungry, even for supper so I decided this would be my supper. A Cupcake for 8 points and skim milk for 2!
It worked, and I was full, and I was satisfied with one, and I not for a second felt like I was cheating, I was eating what I wanted and when I wanted it. I finished my day with 29 points and no Weekly's used!
One of the greatest gifts I get from this program is the freedom to eat what I want and when I want and how I want, so long as I count the points and stay within the ranges it will work!
Sometimes we get so caught up in the day in and day out of the program we forget how much nicer it is than say some of my past diets, The Carnivore Diet, aka Atkins, South Beach, Cabbage Soup, once I was on an hard boiled egg diet....
Cupcake and milk for supper...now I may not recommend a week of it, but last night it was exactly what I wanted, and to my daughter if your reading, no worries I made Evie eat supper before she had her cupcake ;)

Living in The Shadow of 200 Pounds

I tried to explain to DBF last night my real desire to be at 195 and to no avail, he just can not understand my fixation with the numbers. I get that, I understand why he can not, he has never had a weight problem or felt the defeat or success of conquering it. Add to that he does not live in my head.
He reminded me that I look great and that I am receiving compliments right and left and I am, and trust me that feels wonderful, but being under 200 pounds for the first time in over 8 years is amazing to me and feels real. It feels like I am really on the underside of the weight loss part of the journey, that Onderland was the benchmark for me, all the time knowing if I could get there, I could do anything!
Here is the thing though, I struggle every day with the scale, those who have been reading my blog for awhile know I named my Scale, Roland , and he is my Toxic Friend. Some days I love him, and most days, not so much! He is in my life and than out, I step on him every morning until I see the damage he does to my psyche and lo and behold I lock him in the closet until my one day a week when I step back on. I soften though, feel bad, assume he fears the dark and let him out of the closet and the whole cycle begins again.
I am in Onderland, with a three pound cushion, wanting 5, wanting to weigh 195 because when I have a monthly fluctuation, of 4 pounds ( very true) I want to still be in Onderland, I want to NEVER see 200 pounds on Roland's face again! He taunts me with it, I swear I hear him giggle!
Why is this my post today? Well because I had soup last night for dinner, and a caesar salad, Can you hear the bells? it sounds like I am in a Casino...bing bing bing bing ,,,,,and Roland giggles and the sodium has brought the number to 200 pounds!! You are the lucky winner!!!
When I am in living in the Shadow of 200 pounds, I am just a day away from feeling the pull back, and a day away from seeing the light,,,,, That is why I want the Shadow of 195.
I guess I can see why DBF does not get it.... and Yup you guessed it....Roland is back in the closet! I know real success will be when I finally Divorce Roland, and on a brighter note I have been looking for a good divore Lawyer...... no need for an Intervention yet....

Food Revolution

My mother has passed along an interesting quasi morbid habit that I do not see myself losing anytime soon. She is Eighty and every day with her coffee she reads the paper and the first page she turns to is the Obituary page. She was a chain smoker for years and she gave it up when she had a carotid artery 95% blocked that she had surgery for, even after giving up smoking, 5 years later she had a surgery to unblock the other that too was 95% blocked. She knows the damage she did with all that smoking. She will say to me while reading the obits, " I want to see who stopped smoking today." Yes I agree, very dark humor, but that is my mom. I could write this whole post on her ways and the good and bad effect they have had on me, but it is not where I am going, today.
When I started this Weight loss journey my health was a crisis point, I was on a C-pap Machine, and had already had a heart cauterization at 42 to seek blockages as I was experiencing and continued for years to have chest discomfort. I am and probably always will be under the care of a Cardiologist as I have a heart history on my dads side and he died when I was nine. Fortunately for me, my heart is great and I have passed numerous tests to vouch for that. After losing my first 50 pounds my high blood pressure resolved itself and I was able to discontinue my medicines.
Today I am feeling the healthiest as I have felt in years and I am 47, shhhhh... I do not tell everyone that.
A good family friend who is late 50's is in the hospital, the ICU, breathing difficulties, he has heart issues and Diabetes and a myriad of other troubles that honestly can be traced back to his weight. He like myself has struggled with obesity for years and rather than he winning right now, the obesity is. He is loved by many, his Facebook page is loaded with well wishes, I have never heard a person say a cross word about this gentleman and it is heart breaking that a food addiction may take his life.
Getting back to my mom's habit that she passed along, I read the obituary's every day now, and when I see people in my age group or just a bit older die, I ask myself from what? of course there is the inevitable car accidents and other tragic unpredictable in life, but what about the preventable? I read the obits and think, " I wish when it was a disease that is caused by obesity that we would call it that. " So and So, succumbed to Obesity. What I am looking for is an Eyeopener for America to get through their heads that Obesity is killing us and at rapid speed. I want everyone to feel better and see that once you take on your weight and succeed at losing it, you feel better and you have the motivation to keep losing, and your life seems more precious, and you want to pass that on. I want to pass that on~
Jamie Oliver a British Chef has a show on ABC on Tuesdays at 8 called Food Revolution and he is my hero these days, he really is trying in a public way to change the way America eats and I hope he can drive home the message, he bravely tackles it in our schools! How I wished that happened sooner I wish him success.
For today I wish my family friend success, I wish him a recovery and the subsequent strength to take the weight off, you are too loved to leave us, and obesity does not have to be fatal

For The Love of Fruit 4/15

Today has been nonstop busy and that is not what I had planned. I needed a day of rest as I am body sore and mind tired.
One thing led to another and the bottom line I am really just now sitting and relaxing and in my opinion a hour away from sleeping. I work tomorrow so I need an early to bed to let my body rest.
I have eaten well all day and shopped for the week, and planned some great meals that will work with my desire to keep that scale moving downward. While finishing the last bout of shopping, extreme hunger crept in, something that is becoming a ritual on the heels of my working outside doing strenuous physical work and I am struggling to keep my points all inline.
Tonight while contemplating how to alleviate the hunger I once again remembered that fruit is free!! Pineapple, yum, apple, yum, banana, well ok... I can do this!
After a dish of fresh pineapple I am calling it a day!

Standing On Your feet all day is Weight Bearing! 4/14

I have been busy at work, the new job, and happy, happy, happy. After months looking for work, on the heels of working a job that I sat all day making phone calls and had an occasional walk to the fax machine, this is clearly different. I come home at the end of my day and I am exhausted, yet still have managed the gym three times this week, less than I wanted but more than I thought I could. It will all fall in place I have no doubt about that and The gym schedule will return to normal and I will start training to run a 5K.
I have no clue how to calculate my activity at work, but I do know it has changed and the scale is showing that as well. Per usual not as fast as I would like, but steady and that is good. My next mini goal is to reach 195 and I see it in sight, not too far in the future! Today is weigh in day and and I have lost and I had decided awhile back to just post my five pound increments of success, as I know that the part of the joureny I need to focus on is the consistency that will lend to keeping the weight off and the celebrating of the pounds loss can sometimes enable me to lose sight of the real success and that is maintaining and always thinking about eating and exercising for my health.
Last night when I came home, I was thinking about how many times I bent and lugged a 25 to 40 lb bag of soil to a customers car, or while building a butterfly garden for the owners, how long was I digging and planting, and than the fact that my feet are sore, confirmed what I know "Standing on your feet all day is Weight Bearing!"
So on a week that I saw the gym less, ate my weeklies and a majority of AP's but worked significantly more, I lost weight! Gotta love that, and I do.

Made it Through the Day without chips and dip ! 4/13

So yesterday was admittedly not the happiest, as my morning post had already alluded to a fight with DBF. the result of his Eye Roll.
We did eventually talk face to face, and it was a little humorous as I could tell he was REALLY focused on any unintentional eye movements ( took me quite literally ). We are better and I do believe he was genuinely sorry, he had a bad day and us arguing was just the final straw for him, but said he was unaware that he rolled his eyes.
I fought every urge all day to eat with abandon, Chips and Dip is what I wanted but did not have. Instead I did have WholeWheat Pasta with olive oil and grated cheese, very comforting, and poached eggs for breakfast another comfort food for me.
I worked out at the gym and washed my Kitchen and living room floor, a task that I like to do when I am feeling angry as I really SCRUB them.
I do have an Irish temper that I sometimes forget about and I too owed him an apology for handling myself poorly, the good news is we both feel better and lets just say we kissed and made up.
A lesson is always learned on this weight loss journey and yesterday's was I can get through all my moods without sabotaging my success. It is not always easy, but it is doable!
My comfort foods have changed, nothing like a bowl of buttered egg noodles with grated cheese to soothe my soul, that was the old choice, yesterday I had 1 cup whole wheat pasta and 1 tsp lite butter with olive oil and a measured amount of grated cheese and it worked!
Poached eggs is always what my mom would make when I sick or sad and the only difference yesterday was the Wheat toast, dry.
So no Chip and Dip, no gain and no remorse!! Woo Hoo! and "No More Eye Rolls!" says DBF

The Eye Roll

A perfectly good day went really south last night with a simple eye roll, from my DBF, simple eye roll, very south. South enough that he did not come home, and I was happy about that, I mean I know that one night a week he stays with his mother a few towns away to make sure she is ok and take care of anything she needs and he chose last night and and to be fair, he chose it after I suggested it rather firmly.
Upon waking this morning I feel really bad about my part and still angry about his eyeroll, angry enough to not call, and check in. There is something in my nature that really reacts poorly when someone is dismissive of something I have to say and even more so when it is done in public to gain a chuckle, or sympathy for their plight of having to deal with me.
I want to eat, and I am fighting that urge with my mantra, " There is nothing I can eat that will make this feel better." I know that eating will be a temporary feel good and only further frustrate me, so I will not do it, I will however walk, and go to the gym, and do both before initiating a conversation with the eyeroller! I am hoping I can work out my anger and hurt and replay the conversation in my head and see where I may have put him off, or what anger that I had not expressed before was building, as sometimes that is the case and it all comes out like big Wave crashing on the beach, the sand has splayed all over the place and a lot of time is needed to smooth out the ripples left in its wake. ( Sigh).
I will not eat , I will not take an already bad situation and make it worse,,,I will repeat this for as long as it takes.

I've Got This ( 4/10)

So I Weighed in today and after a four pounds gain last week, I am down 2! Last Weeks's post about Getting back to Basics was 100% on target. I needed to get back to what works, tracking, weighing measuring and exercise for just a few. I also just needed to cut myself some slack I had started my new job and my whole schedule was as-cue as I was now on my feet all day and working physically hard and still working out at the gym. My hunger level had gone through the roof and at times I caved but instead of eating filling foods like I did this week, I went with breads, and potatoes and for me, I need to go to protein and veggies.
I actually think I would have lost the whole 4 pounds plus some, but it is that week of the month that I gain. Next week I anticipate to feel even more at ease with the new job and how my lifestyle works with it.
Getting my water in is a little harder and this week-end I will look for a nice Stainless steel bottle to carry with me and fill with the Spring Water Cooler that houses the new Spring Water we sell at work.
Thanks for all the great suggestions that helped me to see I needed to give myself time to adjust to the change in my schedule, like I said I gain know..." I've Got This!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I am humming the tune to the song " The Most Wonderful time of the Year " as I type, knowing full well it is speaking of Christmas, but for me, it is now. I spent all day yesterday cleaning up my gardens and plotting a spot to add another, while scoping a neighbors neglected one that needs rehabilitation. My new Job at the Garden Center is just the thing to restore my confidence after reentering the work force since my lay off and subsequent unsuccessful attempt to reenter into the same field of inside sales. I find myself referring to the last 8 years of corporate world employment the soul sucking job I once had. I need to hold that thought as it really did do a number on my psyche it is not what I want for me anymore.
" What does all this have to do with my weight-loss journey, you might ask?" Well for me, the reason I had the courage to take this change in my career was I have gained such new found confidence since taking on the journey of losing my weight, I am physically stronger than I have been in years and I know I can tackle any problem if I can tackle my weight.
Everyday I wake up I lie in bed and think about what I can do today to keep the momentum of the journey on track. What one thing can I do or change today that will keep me in the right direction, how will I work in more activity and what can I cook that will be healthy and good, yet tasteful enough to not feel deprived. I also think about what I would like to add to my blog, what can I share that may help someone else, or emphasize to myself that I am on the right track, and today that is I have made it to my favorite time of the year and it is also the easiest time of the year for me to stay on track. I am far more active, and we are approaching the season of locally grown vegetables and fruits being plentiful.
Winter is hard for me, I fight seasonal depression and I hate the cold, so I am inclined to stay inside, this year I pushed through that, I went to the gym on a regular basis and it fought off a lot of that seasonal depression, Mother Nature provided a inordinate amount of snow and I had not the luxury of a plow or snow blower, so that too added to my activity and success.
My thoughts for today is if I can be successful through Winter, a time that normally can bring me to my knees, I can only imagine the success Spring Summer and Fall will bring!!
I will keep to my gym schedule 4-5 days for an hour at a time, and out comes the stroller on days I have my Granddaughter and the Couch to 5K schedule on days I do not, and the gardening, it is just extra! did I remember to say " The Most Wonderful time of the Year, is here for me? "

Here is a picture from one of my gardens last year :)