A perfectly good day went really south last night with a simple eye roll, from my DBF, simple eye roll, very south. South enough that he did not come home, and I was happy about that, I mean I know that one night a week he stays with his mother a few towns away to make sure she is ok and take care of anything she needs and he chose last night and and to be fair, he chose it after I suggested it rather firmly.
Upon waking this morning I feel really bad about my part and still angry about his eyeroll, angry enough to not call, and check in. There is something in my nature that really reacts poorly when someone is dismissive of something I have to say and even more so when it is done in public to gain a chuckle, or sympathy for their plight of having to deal with me.
I want to eat, and I am fighting that urge with my mantra, " There is nothing I can eat that will make this feel better." I know that eating will be a temporary feel good and only further frustrate me, so I will not do it, I will however walk, and go to the gym, and do both before initiating a conversation with the eyeroller! I am hoping I can work out my anger and hurt and replay the conversation in my head and see where I may have put him off, or what anger that I had not expressed before was building, as sometimes that is the case and it all comes out like big Wave crashing on the beach, the sand has splayed all over the place and a lot of time is needed to smooth out the ripples left in its wake. ( Sigh).
I will not eat , I will not take an already bad situation and make it worse,,,I will repeat this for as long as it takes.
No comments:
Post a Comment