TMI...possibly , but one more thing I like about succeeding with Weight Watchers

DBF and I have been together for 10 years which means he has seen me at my lowest weight ever and likewise at my heaviest. He has always said and I belive him and you will too as I go along, " I do not see your weight, you look beautiful to me , no matter what what you weigh" Yes I know, that is the most wonderful thing anyone can hear and before you want to steal him, please know that with all good qualities, there come the not so good, but I will not digress ( smiling).
So he met me at a size 8, I was a Dining room manager at a local restaurant and he was a regular customer, he owns another local business and was always coming in for a quick dinner and drink, and than headed back to work. I would like to think it was my charming personality that caught his eye, but I do believe being on my feet for fifty to sixty hours a week, carry trays that weighed upwards of 50 pounds had created some pretty darn nice legs to look at, and a skirt was always the attire. The rest they say is history.
On one of our many evenings out if he were telling this story and not I , he would marvel about a certain black little sundress I had and how much he loved seeing me in in and later out of it and that one of the things he loved was my fondness for sexy underwears....he too has a fondness for them ( me in them, not him!), nobody is happier to see the Vicky Catalog arrive more than him! Suffice to say as I gained weight the selections on sexy or cute lingerie was diminishing and more importantly so was my self esteem and desire to shop or wear them.
About 5 years and 100 pounds ago, I cleared my closets of all the size 8's 10's 12's 14's and right up to two years ago, the 1X's , my daughter's and DBF stopped giving me gifts of clothes at my asking, I did not want to say what size I was, but that last Christmas before that I got the gift of lingerie. I smiled than and now when I think of this relatively conservative man walking into Victoria Secret to buy me some silk and lacy unmentionables, but he did, and a size large, they would not even fit my thigh, but I had not the heart to return them, instead I hung them in the closet with the sole dress I had left in there, the little sundress that he loved so much, and the memories attached to it. He has never asked what happened to them and I never told.
Yesterday I ventured to the back of the closet and pulled out the dress and yes the unmentionables and I tried them on...THEY FIT.... I took one pair and placed them back with the dress, Summer will come and with hard work I will be wearing that dress, those unmentionables and we will go out..... The other pair I wore, and Asked DBF if he remembered them..Yup He did.
I am thinking by Next Christmas, I will be unwrapping clothes again... and quite possibly seeing Pink Striped Bags.....

New Year Approaching

Like the television news shows, I find myself recapping events over the last year. I have the benefit of my blog to go back and reread my journey thus far. It is a great thing to do as I prepare for the upcoming year and set some mini goals and continue on my end goal, lose and maintain 120 pound weight loss.
I have some favorite moments over the last year, and some real awakenings. March of last year I was dealing with life and death moments of my mom, that I am happy to report she survived. She is healthy as can be at 80 and sporting a new hip and like my weight loss rebirth, she seems to have a rebirth of her own, she is living life more fully and that is how I feel too!
While she was struggling and clinging to life, I was feeling all the stress and pain, feeling it not eating it away as in years past, and that was the first indication to me that I was going to succeed this time. Here is what I wrote Look What I found
What I really see now that I did not for all the years I was carrying the extra weight was, I was struggling and clinging to life, it sounds a bit dramatic I admit , but very true. Food was a drug for me, and it was killing me, slowly but nonetheless still killing me. Sleep Apnea, High Blood pressure, Gerd that was eroding my stomache, and emotionally I was numb to how I felt and what I wanted in life. Auto pilot, is what I was on and now with Auto Pilot off I can really feel and see what I want going forward. I have had a year of self discovery that continues every day. I learned I do like exercising, I do not LOVE it, but I like it, I do love how it makes me feel. I also have found that I can handle my emotions without the assistance of a Twinkie or six! I can reach out to friends on or offline to help my feelings and by doing that I am open to being a better friend to them as well.
Recapping is how I will spend the week, counting down to Jan 1, 2011, I will be 47 years old in three weeks, and I am feeling healthier and more alive than I was at 40, Who Knew??!! Have a Great Day!

New England Winters

It is cold tonight, really cold. The snow has stopped and I have about 20 inches outside my door. I love New England, I love the change of seasons and the unpredictable weather. As early as two days ago the weatherman were not able to call the storm, and last week they called for a big blockbuster of a storm that never materialized. I do however hate the cold. I still feel that as I lose weight I am losing my insulation and I can not figure out how to dress accordingly.
Today I learned that being housebound with the snow falling and the wind howling, triggers something in me to eat. I made it through the holidays and lost a pound, but today with every hour that passed I was noshing like I was headed for hibernation. Good foods though as I have no junk in the house anymore, but I was seriously fighting the urge to eat even more than I allowed myself.
I had to laugh at myself as I reminded myself of the shoppers who when they hear the word snowstorm, rush to the store to stock up, as if they will not get out for awhile, now that may have been the case in the day, but we have stores on every corner now. We certainly have refrigerators and pantry's full, we can last days without worry. That said, I still wanted to eat and cook and hunker down.
I wanted a White Christmas and I got my wish.... we had flurries a few days before Christmas and now we are graced with 20 Inches!
I earned 20 AP's with shoveling today and I felt great, last year at this time, I would be crying like a baby about how sore I am and out of shape, today I am proud to say I love New England Winters and am up to the task.... Check out the picture with my post....only in New England....Wicked!

Happy Anniversary To me

Exactly a year ago today I joined Weight Watchers online and begin my Weight loss journey. A week later I began this blog. I had joined Weight Watchers approximately 186..or so times before over the course of my life, once I even lost eighty pounds hit goal and celebrated with food, and well I am sure you know how that turned out as I joined again, and again. Last year on this day I was looking at 120 pounds to lose and I was beyond overwhelmed, I felt defeated. I decided though than and still now that I was up to this journey and worth this journey and I would take it and I have.
I had some pretty high expectations of myself , as I anticipated writing this blog and reporting back on this date that I had lost 100 pounds and had just 20 to go. I chuckle to myself as I write that as that has been a recurring theme for me on this journey, I set goals that are just a little beyond my reach and than I am disappointed, not defeated but disappointed. What I have learned and would love to be able to give to all newbies or rejoiners is this, " It does not matter how long it takes to lose the weight, what matters is steady progress on the scale as well as most importantly in your head. Better choices day after day, minute after minute, and acceptance that a bad meal is not a bad day or week, just a bad meal, keep going. Don't give up and Don't play the I will start again next week, or tomorrow, instead start again next bite, or your next thought."
Last year I weighed 261 pounds on Dec 26, today I weigh 206, I lost a pound this week, Christmas week, while preparing my traditional cookie trays for my friends and family. I woke up Christmas morning, my weigh in day and was greeted with a one pound loss bringing my total weight loss to 55 pounds! 65 to go! 7 pounds away from Onederland, which I may see by my birthday( here I go again with the mini goals, hopefully this one within reach, January 15)
More than losing the weight I have gained a better sense of my self, and an understanding of what makes me eat. I have been blessed with a great online support group and met incredible people here, and without them I am certain I would not have lost 55 pounds or found me.
Happy Anniversary to me, I am going to celebrate, I am going to soak in the tub with a luxurious bath bomb, I have a yoga DVD that will teach me poses, that I will be practicing all week, as I am joining my first yoga class in January. I will have a six point glass of wine tonight while watching the snow fall, and I will give myself the gift of time, I may not reach 120 pounds lost in what was my original time frame, but I wll get there and look forward to sharing the journey with all my new friends here and my offline family and friends whom without I would be lost.
Love to you all.... :)

" Has Jenna lost a lot of Weight? She looks Amazing! "

" Has Jenna lost a lot of Weight? She looks Amazing! " That is the quote I am hanging my hat on this Holiday season! My niece called my sister after I posted pictures on facebook of me and my kids and granddaughter tree decorating Wed night. It was followed by an email from my Brother who lives in Ohio, I live in Mass and have not seen him since last year. It read " Holy Cow, you are melting away, you look great!" I really am happy to hear these compliment as I weighed in yesterday and I stayed the same and guess what? " No Big Deal." Yes that is me saying no big deal and I say it realizing once again mini goals may not be met. Reaching my half way point to my final weight loss goal, I wanted it to be by Dec 26th a year into my journey. Weighing under 200 pounds by Jan 1st, doubtful, but I am ok with that, I know I will get there and I would like to have met my mini goals, but I recognize I need to work on being realistic. There is great pride in no gain the week before Christmas, no gain over Thanksgiving, and 53 pounds gone.
I post pictures of myself on facebook, ask me if I did that last year...No Need " No I did not!"
My daughter also sent me a picture she took of me the summer of 2009 relazing by the pool, she was afraid to let me know she had it as we had rules about no pictures of me, but she thought it was safe to send it now as she can not even believe the difference.
Things are good, I finally realize how long it takes truly is not important, what is important is that I do not give up until I have lost and maintained the loss, so that is forever, and forever feels good!!

Ginerbread Coffee

Last night I had Chinese food for the first time in months, like six! It was all my points for the week and I thouroughly enjoyed it, until 12 PM when it was sitting like a brick in my belly. It was a planned event and when I discussed it with my sister she tried to convince me to wait and save those points for something better with the holidays coming.
Here is the thing, there is nothing over the holidays I can not have!! I realized that last night, moderation is the key and I have that down,, and a planned night of chinese food reinforced the reasons why I am happy about that. I do not want to eat until I am uncomfortable, I have learned to respect me and my body more than that, it will happen from time to time like last night but certainly not on purpose like before. I would eat until I could eat no more. I tell myself now the last bite does not taste any better than the first, quite the contrary when I was eating just to eat or numb my feelings, I did not even taste the bites after the first three. Woo Hoo! What a Victory for me!
Now a holiday food that can get me in trouble is Egg Nog, I would drink it from the day after Thanksgiving when it hits the grocery store shelves ( I am talking alcohol free, the kind found in the golden carton) until Jan when the last of it is gone from the carton that was replaced weekly in my grocery order. I have given a great deal of thought to this and for the same reasons I do not want fat free creamers, too pointy and too many ingredients I do not recognize , I decided to allow myself a glass on Christmas. One full bodied glass with cinnamon sprinkled on top, when the house is quiet, the gifts unwrapped and it is just me, Michael, the cats and my tree.
What do I replace that daily egg nog with ? as it has embodied the holiday season for me, something seasonal that just kept reminding me it was Christmas time, a time to really try to see the good and share the good. A time when family spends more time together and everyone seems a little happier to be around. Giving to others comes more natural, and seeing the good in people comes a little easier.
I decided to try favored coffee, Green Mountain has a coffee called Spicy Egg Nog, I bought 4 K-kups ( I own Keurigg single brewer, it is worth more to me than my car, as I take my coffee very seriously) I brewed the cup, added my Vanilla soy milk and one splenda, sat down at the computer with my Christmas mug that I have been using since the day after Thanksgiving.
YUCK! YUCK! YUCK! not for me, this will not do it, I have three K- Kups left and will probably discard as I will not even serve it to my least favorite Christmas visitor, ( not giving any names here).
I did not give up, and fortunately for me I found the coffee for me, Gingerbread, By Green Mountain. It is wonderful and with the soymilk and splenda as well, and it will get through the holidays, saving me from longing for the daily glass of Nog.
When Christmas day comes and than winds down and I am sitting in the living room in front of my tree, I will be so thankful that I did not gain 10 pounds over the past egg nog tradition, and that one glass will taste amazing and than, it will be over and I will get up on December 26th and brew my Gingerbread coffee until that Green Box is empty.

Choices

Since my last blog on Sunday I have been really struggling with a tragic event that happened in my town, and whereas it is about what effects my journey it is really not weight loss subject perse'. I feel like I should add that it may be emotionally charged and sad and feel free to pass right by if you like, but every fiber of my being needs to write it and put it out there.
We had crazy weather on Sunday, heavy rain and gusty wind that was sweeping the rain and it fell every which way but straight down. I was out with my daughter driving around looking for, a craft item, animal safety eyes, so she could finish her hand knitted Christmas mice decorations she is giving as gifts this year. We hit three different stores in three separate cities and found what she needed. It was a white knuckle flight at times as I was in unfamiliar areas. I was cranky as I am a good driver but struggle to see in that kind of weather as I imagine many people were.
Cut to the news Sunday night, a Thirty three year old woman is run down by a suspected drunk driver in front of the State Police Barracks and in front of her mother who was sitting in the car that her daughter was returning too. The daughter was running a simple errand of picking up a police report for her husband from a little fender bender he had earlier that day. No names had been released but she was not expected to live and sadly we learned later she did not. I hate this right before the holidays, so tragic, drunk drivers, all the bad feelings that comes with them, was swirling through my head.
Monday morning all the details have spilled out and the woman by all accounts in the paper, from friends and family is a fabulous example of how we live our life and who we should strive to be, she is in the process of readying her house for her husbands two nieces three and five to come live for a year while their parents who are Marines are being deployed, her family says she was an Angel on earth.
The driver who my instincts were to despise by all accounts is a stand up guy, father of four, heavily involved in his kids lives, 3 kids in college now, one in high school. loved by friends and neighbors alike, no drunk driving history, no traffic violations in 27 years and apparently no history of alcohol abuse. The picture of him in the paper at his arraignment shows a broken man, the regret and remorse is visible so much so that I shed tears just looking at it. I do not know him, I do not know the lovely woman who's life was taken by a very poor choice that can never change. Niether family will ever be the same, and the magnitude of the tragedy has rocked me to my core. The paper indicates he had 3-5 beers at a friend's house.
I have made a conscious decision to change my life with my eating and added exercise and for 12 months I have been very successful and because I wanted to change my life. I had the desire to change how I felt physically and emotionally, and I did. I have some more changes to make and this time they are to better myself as person, a person that can always live with my choices. I do not live in a glass house, I will not throw stones at that broken man whom made a fatal choice that I know I personally could NEVER live with. Last night I said out loud what I am now putting in writing for all you to see, and I hope you think about and enact in your own lives if it applies. I love my wine and love wine with dinner when we go out, and I have had two glasses of wine over the course of an evening out and than got behind the wheel of a car. I am not saying I was drunk, I have been drunk and even drunk I had the sense to not do that, but seriously, I am thinking " Why take the chance?" If I had two glasses of wine and than you add that weather, but by the grace of God that could have been me. I have wine at home, I cook great meals, if I am the driver, there will be no Wine, Beer or anything, and at 47 years old, I have spent a lot of time making sure my word is good. RIP Cynthia

Adjusting My Sails

The journey continues and I am pleased to report that I am winning my bout of bronchitis and feeling human again.
Yesterday was the first time I have logged my weight since being sick as I was afraid of what would be the result. I feel like I had some near misses in my eating while I was sick, sometimes I did not want to eat at all and sometimes I would want to eat every comfort food known to man, the good news is the cupboards have long since been stripped of any junk. I do have stocking stuffers of my grown daughters favorite candies but I did not break into them ( phew).
Usually when I am sick I drink a lot of juice, tall glasses of orange juice, this time I ate the orange. I had chicken soup as frequently as I could and rested. It sounds like I ate well, but I will tell you one day I had two bowls of buttered pasta with salt and pepper, to me that is comfort food of the Gods.... what I realized later is, it was whole wheat pasta ( thumbs up) and light butter with canola oil. This is a great testament to the advice of removing junk and unhealthy foods from the house!
So yesterday I came online changed my weigh in day to Saturday so I could get on the scale accept whatever the weight was, log it in and move forward. I want to be have a full week of the New Program, I want to own the damage and move on, no looking back, I was sick and my focus was to rest and get better. I have not seen the inside of the gym for TWO weeks, I look forward to going tomorrow.
I weighed in and guess what? I lost a pound! I was surprised, pleasantly surprised.
Should I have been surprised? Probably Not.
I have learned over the last year to eat mindfully. Even when I was sick I still did that, I ate an orange and skipped the multitude of tall glasses of orange juice. One day I ordered in take out, fat laden foods to feed my soul, one or tow bites and my stomach that was used to good healthy meals straightened my head out and I gave away that food and heated up a can of healthy chicken soup.
Friday night I went out to dinner and ordered blackened fish and baked potatoe, salad, dressing on the side, passed on the bread. The meal came and in the very busy restaurant, I got rice pilaf instead of the baked as ordered. I told the waitress and the service was less than and she never corrected it. I will eat rice pilaf, I do not love it, and I have no clue how many points, my guess is many! I adjusted my thinking, I pushed the rice aside and opted for a piece of bread with a pat of butter, equal to a baked potatoe. Eating mindfully.
All this said I am behind where I wanted to be with my first mini goal, I wanted to see 60 pounds gone by my anniversary date, of December 26th and I am at 53. To lose 7 pounds in two weeks seems impossible but more than that it feels like the trying would riddle me with frustration and for what? I am on track for losing all my weight and hitting the end goal, a healthy me. I have another mini goal and that is by Jan of 2011 to b under 200 and that seems doable, 9 pounds away. I am readjusting my sails, that what a journey is about, when you face challenges you handle them, and when you can not meet them against the odds, you adjust them. I do not see this as a failing moment as I see it as great progress, my goals are to motivate me to reach my final destination and through out this process I have set goals that are just a little bit out of my reach, and seeing that I see in the past I have always set myself up to fail, and than I would give up. I will not give up and I will learn what an acceptable and achievable goal is, even if it is with trial and error!

Hungry Hungry Hippos

So I know I may be dating myself here but here goes, Does anyone else remember when this game first came out, Hungry Hungry Hippos, I was like12 and I instantly liked the game and related to the name. That was a great name for myself and the feeling I had all the time, I was always hungry and coming from a large family that was financially and emotionally challenged , one of seven children I felt like one of those Hippos on the game board, that when the food ( marbles) was placed on the table we all had to quickly grab it and claim it and if we took food and put it on our plate, we had better eat it. Not a pretty visual and remember I was 12 so my recall may be embellished a little, as well as I had a brother three years older and if it was not nailed down he would eat it, he usually won the game, just sayin'
Back to the name of the game, many years later and many years in between I have thought about that phrase, and have used it to describe the surge of hungry I feel. Usually that hungry is not the growling in my stomach as a reminder that I skipped a meal instead it is the all consuming feeling of I must eat and a lot of food, it is the feeding of my emotions and not my body. Yesterday when I returned home from the Dr's and had taken my medicine I took a nap and struggled to sleep at first, I laid there thinking of how hard I have been working to lose this weight and how derailed being ill was making me feel. I was thinking I still need a Christmas tree and want it now, I wanted to feel healthy enough to wash the floor in the living room for the tree ( why is that when we are sick, we see all the dust bunnies and want them gone now, and the day before when we were well it was the last thing on our mind!) I Was feeling bad about not being able to think about my eating and not caring about it and feeling bad about being behind on the holidays quickly approaching and until I feel better I have no control in any of this. I have no control until I feel better, as when I was a child I had no control in that chaotic home.
I woke up from my nap, like a Hungry Hungry Hippo...the appetite that had been had been squashed the by the illness was here, and again like the other day I wanted junk, Chinese food was swirling through my head ( I have had not had chinese food in months) I talked myself down from that and instead ordered Mozzarella sticks and a pasta carbonara dish from the new Italian pizzeria in town, and when I went to pick them up I was informed by the man at the counter they are called Monsterella sticks!
There is a reason for the name they looked more like corn dogs minus the stick and after eating one, I was so full and sick, yes sick, I may have lost my senses, but my stomach knew better than I . I felt nauseous and I tried one bite of the pasta dish and knew what I was doing. This was not food to fill my stomach, this was food to stuff my emotions. I put the lid on the pasta, I wrapped the Monsterella sticks and I got out a can of progress minestrone soup. My daughter who is a size 4 soaking wet came by and away she went with he food, she would feed her and her boyfriend with it.
Hungry Hungry Hippo is who I was when I was a kid trying to find my way in home of 7 children with parents whom were pushed to the brink of sanity by their addictions and responsibilities that they could not manage, I was hungry for love, I was hungry for acceptance and I was hungry to feel cared for. Yesterday I was hungry for some of those same things and today I would tell and am telling myself, I am sick, and I am capable of taking care of me, the last year I have proven that to myself, I know how to deal with difficult feelings without stuffing them down. I am surrounded by people who care, people who want to help. DBF came by and put up the remaining Christmas decor on the outside that I was unable to finish, he knows what is important to me. My daughters called and came by to check on me, I am not that Hippo anymore.

Survived the threat of a Binge, but definately lost thebattle to the cold. 12/6

Bleck!! That is one word to describe how I feel and the lucky Dr gets to see me again tomorrow....my guess is the " This may be viral and we should wait before adding antibiotics" has progressed to we waited and saw and here is the antibiotics....
With the help of my friends here I did not eat myself into oblivion as I thought I might in Saturday and now I am struggling to eat at all..
Sickness defiantly wreaks havoc with my program!

I am in a dangerous place, and I fear a binge ( a ramble to get through the urge) 12/4

I am not sure why I am in feeling out of control, but I am.
Could be a side effect of the bronchitis, sick since Monday, no gym, no trip to the grocery store. I am on the new new plan with no stocking up on the fruits and veggies.
10:30 and I have eaten and here is my tracker so far
Soy Milk with coffee 2
3/4 Honey Bunches oats cereal 3
1 cup skim milk 2
Pizza ( cold ) 5- not very good I might add.

This leaves me 18 for the day and 15 weeklies for the rest of the week, 4 days. I am struggling. I have candy in the house for the kids stockings ( kids, meaning 25 and almost 24 ) and it is in danger. The first three days of my week has been on the heavy side of eating, and it has occurred to me that it could be as simple as I feel bad and am trying to eat to make myself feel better. I know eating will not make me feel better but it is such an ingrained habit that even this many weeks into my weight loss I feel myself looking at the possibility of an old habit.

Tea with lemon, 0 points
My solution for the next three hours..... and than a reasonable lunch of soup...for 3 points.
I can do this, I know I can, and just writing it down, shows me how much more aware I am for the reason behind my eating, and gives me the strength to stop before ingesting another bite, forcing me to be conscious of why I am eating. None of the foods I have eaten as yet has nourished my feelings of wanting to be taken care of, and not by someone else, but by me. I am sick, I want to take care of me as I do others and cold pizza, stolen Christmas candy, does not do it, Tea with lemon, yeah that works, Chicken soup, feels good, laying on the couch with a good book, or a movie...

Any one know how many points in Cough Medicine?

I think I have said once or twice that I am negative when sick, not sure if I mentioned whiny, irritable and can cry on demand. Well that sums up where I am at today and have been this week, and I am disappointed as I think I have bronchitis and will head off to the Dr to verify my self diagnosis. I have a long history of bronchitis, and I never smoked and do not live with any smokers now, so why do I get bronchitis? add to that I was diagnosed with Asthma last year, Adult onset. I am a skeptic on that Asthma Diagnosis, but nonetheless in my medical chart it is there.
I am disappointed because I thought like everything else that has gotten better with weight loss, my bronchitis tendency would go away. Listen my blood pressure is great now, as is The Gerd, no more C-pap machine for sleep apnea and my heart is great, no more chest pain, the list goes on. As I type this I see the danger of my thinking, Weight loss does not fix everything in my life, and there is danger in thinking it will, as that disappointment is another obstacle that can and has for me in the past and others as well, to regain the weight as what they thought the weightloss would fix, still remained and needed fixing or acceptance. My bronchitis is going to need my acceptance. I can like the fact that I feel physically stronger to handle the symptoms, I am coughing and a lot and unlike when I was carrying a lot of extra weight it is not complicated with the being out of breath from just living with the extra weight. I am no longer wheezing because fat is surrounding my chest and so the wheezing with the bronchitis is more bearable and hopefully can be brought under control quicker.
Bottom line for me to know though is " losing Weight will not fix everything broken in my life," Repeat, repeat, repeat.
So the gym has been out of the question for the last two days, No AP's and I am back to the question of "Any one know how many points in Cough Medicine? " I am trying to maintain my humor,,,,,,

Keep Your Eye on The Ball

I went looking for a description of the quote " Keep your Eye on the Ball" and this is what I found and it is exactly what I was meaning.
keep your eye on the ball: try to achieve your goal; do what you have to do to.
If you don't keep your eye on the ball, you're not going to be successful.

I have lost 52 pounds! I broke through a plateau that threatened to derail me, I am wearing clothes in sizes I have not seen in years, and I have reclaimed my health ( not counting the cold I have, as that will come whether I weigh 350 of 110 pounds).
When I got on the scale this morning and saw that I had lost three pounds just this week, bringing me to my mini goal of losing 50, I immediately looked at what I had to do to reach my next mini goal of being at my half way point by my Weight Watchers anniversary date. DBF, quickly said, " Relax, look at what you have done and enjoy that for a minute" I will tell you what I said to him.
" I am enjoying the loss and I will every time I think about it, and I will think about it a lot! " What I have learned from myself and even from the contestants on the Biggest Loser is, I need to always have a goal, something I am working on to keep myself focused and successful. " Keep your Eye on the Ball." That is what will keep me successful, that is a great realization for me, and it is just another step in this journey, and without learning that I am certain that I would have stopped along the way, sidetracked, and that is what has let the weight come on. I gained this weight while I was sidetracked with other things, eating mindlessly or purposely eating to numb my feelings, more often than not, by focusing in the mini goals I have to think before I eat and I have to decide to either feel my feelings or stuff them down with Double Cheeseburger and side of fries, and I choose to feel them, deal with them and move on!
This is a learned behavior, and I am still trying to master it, but I hope it helps someone else that might be fumbling and and trying to find the strength to start, or stay on board, or just find something to help them. " Keep your Eye on the Ball."

On a lighter side, for the 50 pound lost celebration as I am celebrating!! Tomorrow night I have an appointment to reward myself with a new hairstyle, and my hopes are to share that in an updated picture, providing I can get one that I like, DD is in charge of helping me get some before and during pictures so that when we reach the after we can really see the journey.

Enjoy the Day!!
" Even with this cold I could just skip today I am so happy!! When was the last time you skipped?

The Good, The Bad abd the Ugly

I have been up for awhile, trying to be kind to DBF who has to work and I have been coughing half the night, I am up so he can sleep, so I did what any normal Weight Watcher would do, I checked out the new plan, again and again.
I still am optimistic and feeling like I can do this but I have some relaizations, and I will start with The Good-My work outs are going to count and gain me more points, almost 5 more per workout and for that I am so happy. It makes sense to me to as I add a lot of resistance to my workouts just by the extra weight I carry before I pick up any weights.
In my refrigerator now sits 8 small 1 cup size containers of my Soy Milk that I put in my coffee. This is a what I consider the The Bad- I have worked really hard to find a way to have three coffees every morning ( very necessary) and have them be creamy and sweet. Month's ago after great research I gave up half and half.,Goodbye Half and Half for point reasons and did not want to add fat free half and half as I wanted to lean into a cleaner eating style. Yesterday I learned that my soy milk that I have made work, 2 pts for one cup has jumped to 4 pts. Yikes, for reasons I will explain later ( otherwise known as the Ugly) I need to keep that number to 2 points for my three daily coffees.
Back to the measured cups in my refrigerator. I have learned that 3/4 of a cup of the Soy Milk I use is 2 points, and I can live with shaving off a 1/4 cup. I am not so bright first thing in the morning so I figure until I really see how much that is I better go back to measuring, another good thing that the new program will get me to get back in the habit of.
The Ugly- DBF likes to eat out three times a week, and before you start thinking it is about my cooking, I assure you it is not! He would assure you too, but hopefully due to my sacrificing my sleep because of this cold and coughing, he is sleeping. When we go out I usually have wine, a eat well, have I can eat out and still lose, back to the Wine. Wine doubled in points per ounce. DOUBLED,,,, as did most breads and my standard baked potato? Gained 2 points. I need to make some sacrifices and I see that, and still I am up to it, but the wine and backed potato, I need some time to adjust too, this is The Ugly. A typical meal out for me is
Wine 4-6 ounces, twice a meal,,,ok,,ok,,two glasses of wine. was 4 pts now 8
A cup of Soup 2-3 Never cream based 2-3 pts
Grilled fish or chicken 5 ish
baked potato was 3 now 5 points with sour cream only 1 pt. thankfully stayed the same.
Steamed Veggies ( I will gleefully add that my beloved Winter Squash no longer costs me any points!!)

While DBF is sleeping maybe I should start working on subliminal messages. " Eat at home 5 nights a week, Eat at home 5 nights a week, Eat at Home 5 nights a week..."

I think this is to be continued .....I am thinking the Ny-quil is getting to me..

Size Large

" Mom! Look at you, you look so little." that is what I was greeted with the other day from my daughter Michelle.
Now I have lost weight but I would not call myself little but I will accept littler :)
Today I woke up with a cold and I was a bear, and any excitement I had for the new program was out the window, I immediately saw that points had changed on many of my favorites and was starting to feel doomed, fortunately after a couple good naps and feeling better I am ok, it will be ok, I lost weight with Weight Watchers trusting their knowledge and I will continue to lose 70 pounds trusting them, bringing my weight loss to an anticipated 120 pounds.
I reminded myself something I really wanted to write a blog post on and that is I am a Size Large in Sweaters and Shirts. I found this out quite accidentally this weekend, while shopping some local second hand stores as I am feeling the cold with my weight loss and want clothes but not for a lot of money. I plan on continued weight loss so investing in clothes is just not practical, however wearing clothes hanging off me is not either!
I went into the store and started a pile of Size XL, happy as I started this journey at 2X and it has been years since I have seen an Extra Large. The woman behind the counter was pleasant and so interested in my Weight loss, we talked about the program and I felt like a walking advertisement and I was good with that. She also kept steering me to size larges, and I said I would try them, but I was doubtful. Guess What? yes, I am a large" I am happy very, very happy.
Again today Michelle tells me how little I am and asks me if I remember the last time I was a size large, she thinks 7 years at least, when she graduated from High School, and I looked at some pictures of that time, I think it was longer. This brings tears of joy to my eyes. I can do this, we all can do this, and it is such a great feeling and any changes Weight Watchers has made I am up to them, I committed last December and I have no intention of letting a change in the road stop the journey. Soldier on

Let me preface with this, I am sick, aka negative

I have been looking forward to seeing the changes in Weight Watchers for weeks. Today I get up and see them and I am like a whiny and not amused child, my favorite bread jumped up 2 points per slice!
Same for my cereal, and before I go totally off , I have to remind myself that I am sick and feeling negative, I went to bed with points still left over in my weekly's for the next two days and woke up to being into my activity points ( which had grown overnight as well, and that is as positive as I can be).
I thought cut my loss's and change my weigh in day til Monday and start afresh and it will not let me do that! GRRRRR,,,,,,,not how I anticipated welcoming in the changes.
Going back to bed, will get up read some positive posts and get my head back in the game, if I can just stop sneezing, coughing and feeling so , well...BLECK!

My Guy 11/27

Lucky me, and I am hoping many of you have a significant other like this or will find one, but here is why I am so lucky.
Wednesday morning was a bit of a disappointment for me, I weighed in and found that I had not lost any weight for the 4th week in a row, and alluded the 50 pound lost milestone I was looking for. I accepted it, somewhat graciously but was still mopey about it with DBF. We had dinner and he went back to work for a few hours and when he came home I was in bed watching The Biggest Loser reunion show. We were talking about how so many contestants has put the weight back on and I was talking about how that is one thing that makes me try to be patient with my weight loss is I want the bad habits to be completely under control when I hit maintenance as that is what I perceive as the hardest part of my journey, maintaining my weight loss.
What came out of his mouth made my heart feel sing and feel totally accepted and understood.
" Jen, I admire you so much, you get up every day and motivate yourself to eat OP, exercise, and you have lost almost 50 pounds on your own, No Jillian or Bob, or a carrot of $250,000, and while that may seem like a simple thing to do I know it is not and I love you no matter what you weigh, but I know this is about your health and I want you to succeed and know you will. I know you will get there and it does not matter how long it takes."
When I fell off the wagon and got back on the scale again on Thursday morning ( I am really trying to weigh self just once a week) I got my Thanksgiving Surprise and I have broke the plateau and lost 50 pounds, and no one was happier than DBF, but I had already been rewarded the night before with his sweet words and reminder of the things in my life that are right and he is one of them.
He is in the picture with my post today and my Granddaughter, the both of them add to my happiness every day.