Choices

Since my last blog on Sunday I have been really struggling with a tragic event that happened in my town, and whereas it is about what effects my journey it is really not weight loss subject perse'. I feel like I should add that it may be emotionally charged and sad and feel free to pass right by if you like, but every fiber of my being needs to write it and put it out there.
We had crazy weather on Sunday, heavy rain and gusty wind that was sweeping the rain and it fell every which way but straight down. I was out with my daughter driving around looking for, a craft item, animal safety eyes, so she could finish her hand knitted Christmas mice decorations she is giving as gifts this year. We hit three different stores in three separate cities and found what she needed. It was a white knuckle flight at times as I was in unfamiliar areas. I was cranky as I am a good driver but struggle to see in that kind of weather as I imagine many people were.
Cut to the news Sunday night, a Thirty three year old woman is run down by a suspected drunk driver in front of the State Police Barracks and in front of her mother who was sitting in the car that her daughter was returning too. The daughter was running a simple errand of picking up a police report for her husband from a little fender bender he had earlier that day. No names had been released but she was not expected to live and sadly we learned later she did not. I hate this right before the holidays, so tragic, drunk drivers, all the bad feelings that comes with them, was swirling through my head.
Monday morning all the details have spilled out and the woman by all accounts in the paper, from friends and family is a fabulous example of how we live our life and who we should strive to be, she is in the process of readying her house for her husbands two nieces three and five to come live for a year while their parents who are Marines are being deployed, her family says she was an Angel on earth.
The driver who my instincts were to despise by all accounts is a stand up guy, father of four, heavily involved in his kids lives, 3 kids in college now, one in high school. loved by friends and neighbors alike, no drunk driving history, no traffic violations in 27 years and apparently no history of alcohol abuse. The picture of him in the paper at his arraignment shows a broken man, the regret and remorse is visible so much so that I shed tears just looking at it. I do not know him, I do not know the lovely woman who's life was taken by a very poor choice that can never change. Niether family will ever be the same, and the magnitude of the tragedy has rocked me to my core. The paper indicates he had 3-5 beers at a friend's house.
I have made a conscious decision to change my life with my eating and added exercise and for 12 months I have been very successful and because I wanted to change my life. I had the desire to change how I felt physically and emotionally, and I did. I have some more changes to make and this time they are to better myself as person, a person that can always live with my choices. I do not live in a glass house, I will not throw stones at that broken man whom made a fatal choice that I know I personally could NEVER live with. Last night I said out loud what I am now putting in writing for all you to see, and I hope you think about and enact in your own lives if it applies. I love my wine and love wine with dinner when we go out, and I have had two glasses of wine over the course of an evening out and than got behind the wheel of a car. I am not saying I was drunk, I have been drunk and even drunk I had the sense to not do that, but seriously, I am thinking " Why take the chance?" If I had two glasses of wine and than you add that weather, but by the grace of God that could have been me. I have wine at home, I cook great meals, if I am the driver, there will be no Wine, Beer or anything, and at 47 years old, I have spent a lot of time making sure my word is good. RIP Cynthia