Long before Christmas Eve of this year I had decided that Dec 26th was
the first day of my downward climb from this 260 pound weight and the
terrible place my head was in at this weight, but on Christmas Eve, the
plan got me through one of the most insensitive moments I recall.

I bake at the holidays and not just a little. I turn my kitchen into a
workshop and my friends and family are gifted tryas of holiday cookies
with all their personal favorites, I make approximately 15 cookies
trays in three days and than hand deliver them. This is not a
tradition I ever intend to give up as everyone loves them and it feels
great to give that gift. This year while delivering a tray to my ex
brother in law who runs a garage and helps my daughters and I whenever
we have car troubles and we have had our share, he without much
thought, OBVIOUSLY said something that caused me to sob all the way
home. He was hanging with his employees and behind him had boxes of
candy that had been gifted and other baked goodies. I hand him the
awaited cookie tray and instead of the usual Thank you, he had a remark
of " What are you doing, do you want me to end up looking like you!"
Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! How I escaped withought the tears flowing before I
hit the safety of my car I do not know, I heard his employees react
with a gasp and one say" That was the meanest thing I have ever heard".
I was too shocked and hurt to take the cookies back, lol and too hurt
to be angry enough to throw them at him. Anyone that has ever been
overweight or at the receiving end of a comment like that knows how
hurtful that comment was. Before I try to defend him and say he really
is a nice guy, as he is, I will say that if I were comfortable with me,
it would not have mattered. If my weight did not have a direct relation
to my self esteem no comment could have hurt me like that. I am not one
of those girls that no matter what size I am I am ok with it, I wished
I were and I admire them and hope to be one soon, but my journey of
weight loss will be rooted in my finding myself and building back my
self esteem and when I waiver and I know I will, I hope this is a
reminder to me as to why I need this journey. I got an apology from my
ex brother in law, and a glimpse of why he is most undoubtedly and ex!
what I really got though was some much needed insight to what this
weight has cost me in terms of self esteem.

I do feel better today and will walk again and tomorrow I will be back to say how it went!