Lady In Red

I love the color red on me, now ask me how often I wear it, and I will tell you in my almost 47 years maybe 25 times, seriously true.
I have a memory of me wearing a red sweater when I was like 15 years old in a school picture and than like most of my years I was overweight. When I see the picture all I ever see was how I looked like a big tomato and I do believe at the time, my mom was the one who said that, and I forever held onto that belief.. My relationship with my mom has evolved over the years, love hate, and now it is one of just love. I am the caretaker and all past hurts are just that in the past, suffice to say I am a firm believer in you do the best job with what you can and when you know better you do better. That picture is gone now, lost with all of my childhood mementos that were stored in a basement that was damaged in last years rain storm. I believe if I saw that picture today I would think differently.
New Year's Eve I went out to dinner and stayed out with friends, enjoying music and ushering in the New Year, I was wearing a new red blouse, size large and received compliments all night about how good I looked. Reality is I am the same size now that I was when that picture was taken years ago, age 15. I still have 65 pounds to lose and I am not little, but what I have now that I did not have than was self worth. I see me, the whole picture, the person. I am not just the extra weight on my body, I am a the sum of all the following, I am kind, gentle, friendly, sociable, I have the ability to make others laugh and not at someone else's expense, including my own. I try to do the best job I can with life and relationships using that " You do the best you can with what you know and when you no better you do better. I am healthy and that is what I see when I put on that red blouse the other night, I feel good about me, I am working to make me the best possible me I can be, inside and out and that red blouse exuded that confidence I now feel. Part of the reason that I feel good is the loss of 55 pounds, of course that is a huge part, but the weight loss is just part the other part is the acceptance and the journey, my weight was a symptom of something much bigger, it was a symptom of my lack of self esteem. Now that may not be everyone's reason for their obesity, but it was mine.
I am so happy to be gaining my self esteem and it is the single most important thing that I have found on this journey and the single most reason I am losing my weight.
Tomorrow will mark a year from my first blog post as well as the introduction to so many new friends I have met here, and I hope that as we all continue on our own journey that we continue to inspire and support each other. Thank you...