When I see myself through others eyes.

The pictures my sister took while were away are now on Face book and I found myself really looking at the pictures and thinking two things,
1. I am in pictures, my decision to avoid them came early on in my weight loss process, it is about my granddaughter having concrete memories of me when I am gone. (I am a great avoid-er of pictures, always hating how I looked.)

2. I look better , but really have a ways to go.

The second thought is not a positive thought I know, but it is a real thought and is helpful for me to see, and here is why.
I have lost 41 pounds I see it on the scale and I have gone from a size 22 to an 18, in pants and a size 2X to a an extra large. I feel great about that, as any past post on my blog would indicate, but I have this problem that eats at my pysche. I have very few people who are noticing or if they are they are not saying anything. Why is this important to me? you might ask, and my answer would be, it helps me stay motivated, and feel good. I like/need positive reinforcement.
Last night I went out to dinner with my BF, and we went to a place where we frequent often and of course ran into people we knew. I looked good, I felt good, and he definitely notices that and comments and that is one thing I really appreciate about him. We bump into an older couple that I have been friends with for years and she can be very motherly with me and that is cool. She has four children my age and two girls and both have weight struggles. The younger decided to have bypass surgery and has lossed and maintained thus far a 100 plus pound loss. That was her decision and I respect it and am thrilled for her, but it just is not how I want to go, I want no unnecessary surgeries as I have had a few needed ones in my life already. I have thought about it, but decided to give weight watchers the final try and do not regret that decision at all.
Last night my friend again suggested I look into it, she has not seen me in months and the last time we spoke she knew I was on weight watchers. She did not notice my 41 pound weight loss. I was feeling hurt and spinning in my head, thinking she is just one of many who do not notice yet, or do not mention it of they do. To me that feels like I was soooooo fat that I can lose 41 pounds and no one notice. To my BF he said people are so wrapped up in their own life and thoughts that they do not notice other's changes. I am not sure if either if us are right but I am sure that I need to focus on what I think. I think I have lost 41 pounds and I look better and on my way to losing the rest of the weight and being as healthy and alive as possible for me and my family. I think that I chose Weight Watchers over gastric bypass and that it is working for me, Gastric by pass worked for my friend's daughter so we both made the right choices for ourselves. I think my friend loves me and wants to see me overcome my weight issues and be happy and she mentions the surgery to be supportive and while doing that she did not look to see if what I was doing was working, so I did the grown up mature thing and listened to her spiel. When she was done, I said, " I have lost 41 pounds since December when I started Weight Watchers and feel like I am on my right path." She was happy for me, and I felt better.
I am going to try and look at the pictures of me with a different set of eyes. To look at the body language of my granddaughter and I while we watch the clown show at our weekend away. She and I lean into each other and have great ease with each other, I love her like I can not describe and I am sure when she sees this picture years away she will see that and not the 80 pounds I still need to lose.