Post Image So I am really feeling lonely tonight, it is consuming me at times and I know that it will pass and I have not decided to keep myself company with a sleeve of Oreos as I may have in the past. I have never ever just had one Oreo, always a sleeve...dipped in milk,,,ok, ENOUGH!
What I did instead was I went for a walk at the park , my usual walk that I take at 7 am with my walking buddy. we tend to not walk on weekends, just Mon thru Fri. I was amazed at how busy the place is in the evening. It is a figure 8 that is .91 miles and it is spread out and there is 8 soft ball fields and a playground, as well as two areas to play some hoop. The views are great as it is along the River, and shaded with trees. I walked it three times.
My morning walks there is just fellow walkers as well as a doggy playgroup that meets every morning. It was the perfect place to combat my feeling of being alone. People were everywhere and kids and softball games being played. I was astounded by the difference of morning and night there. It did me good, for a few reasons. I know I am lonely because I am taking a 30 day break from my significant other, we were together but not in a healthy way anymore, we both had really just stopped trying and before we ended up not liking each other, or hurting each other we walked away and I know in my heart it is the right thing. My fear is never that I will be alone, I generally like my own company, it is more that I will be with someone and be alone, like that couple we have all seen in a restaurant, eating there meal in silence as they no longer speak or have any common interest, that is what I call truly alone. So I saw some of that while I was out walking, as well as some very happy couples, young and old.
While watching the softball games and walking I wondered if I had played sports if this lifelong Weight issue would have been nonexistent, and was happy thinking maybe that will spare some of the players the battle I have had, most of the women I saw playing were pretty trim. There was as many spouses watching as there were playing and it reminded me that when and if I venture back out into the dating world, I would be wise to find someone who likes being active, kind of like my walking buddy, someone to keep going when we want to stop. Just thinking those thoughts helped lift the loneliness, as it reminded me it will pass, I will move forward, my mind was already moving forward.
I have plenty of family and friends that I can go visit and I have, without wearing out my welcome, but I see the importance to sit ( or walk) with my feelings and feel them, and I see that the Oreos and Milk, was me stuffing those feelings down. This was the first time I have really been able to identify what overeating did for me. I had heard it, I knew it on every level, but I had never been able to put my finger right on it, while it was happening. I do believe that is what the difference is this time for me.