Feels like I have not blogged in a week and actually it has been 5 days, not blogging has been just one more thing that got lost in the shuffle of a busy week taking care of others. I keep hearing the comment from Naomi Judd when being interviewed by Oprah last week, she described her weight issues and other life issues in forgetting to put her on the list of things/people to take care of, that is what I do in a nutshell. I have struggled to correct that this week and I am three quarters of the way there!
This has always been a struggle for me and I have heard it from several people. some paid some not, and a number of different ways and the bottom line is, I need to put me at the top of that list or I am no good for me or others.
The first indication that I was off the list was my post about eating bigger portions, good food but bigger portions and more of them than I should. That is a warning bell for me, I am no longer thinking " Am I hungry or sad, lonely, angry bored " when I take the time to ask myself this I can usually redirect myself with a walk or a nap even, but not another meal.
Yesterday was my eyeopener. I brought my Mother's husband to his follow up Dr appoint me, for his hospital stay last week. I call him my Mother's husband rather than my step-dad for a myriad of reasons and all reasons would qualify me to not be his caretaker. Suffice to say I will be a great caretaker of my mom until the day she passes but I would rather walk on glass than do the same for him. He complained about everything from my driving to the route I took to the temperature in the car, I had to remind him that the Dr for the 99th time said he needed to eat less and walk and that if he said one more word that his Walking would begin now and I would stop the car and he could walk home!
Why would I put someone whom mistreated me most of my life ahead of me on
" The List" My short answer to that question is that, it is habit by now to me, a habit I need to break, the longer answer is that I put him on the list to make my mother's life easier, and that it was the "right thing to do" but back to the short list. It is a habit, a habit of not taking care of me and my needs and recognizing that if I take care of me, I have all the patience in the world to take care of others whom depend on my time to time help. My mom needs my attention due to her health and limitations, my daughter being a single struggling mother, needs to be on my list for daycare and I have no resentments there. Sure there are days when it frazzles me, but they are choices I like to make, like me they belong on the list.
I have walked every morning this week with my buddy and have got my portions under control and today I am blogging! I know what to do, I just need to keep reminding myself to do it.
The message that my Mother's 81 year old husband was given yesterday is that he is at the end of his life, and he can still make choices to extend that end. He is diabetic and has Congestive heart failure and every time he decides to eat poorly and not walk or do what he can do for himself he expedites the ending. The Dr for whatever reason chose to try and make me take some responsibility and indicated that I should walk up and down the driveway with him when I am there to care for my mom, because he will not do it if left to his own devices. He also indicated that I should monitor his eating. My mother's husband is lucky he still has his senses, no Alzheimer's or dementia and he can walk. I could have left that office and taken on that Dr's suggestions, and really put myself farther back on " The List" or I can and I will do what I really see as the right thing and that is see this as my opportunity to put me right back at the top of my list. I care about myself, I want to feel good and be healthy that is why I started this journey. I will pass the Dr's information on to someone who has room on their list, even if that is a visiting nurse, and I will feel good about that.
No comments:
Post a Comment