Ginormous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, June 21, 2010
That is how I feel and all started at Walmart on Friday Morning.

I have lost thirty pounds and in some clothes I am two sizes smaller.

Last Friday in preparation for a Getaway Weekend, camping trip I discovered I needed shorts. I head out to Walmart and find the Women's plus department and grab size 18, hopeful, as I have a pair of 18 pants handed down from my sister that fit. I started at size 22. I should be feeling great 30 pounds down, woo hoo. I have packed healthy food for snacks, with the exception of the Sangria I made it should be easy to stay On Program this Weekend. Back to the Shorts, nope on the 18, nope on Size twenty...yes they fit but we are camping, I want to breathe. Here I am buying size 22 again! Come on!! I walk 3-4 times a week for 30 minutes just bumped up to 45 last week. What is wrong. Why Can't I make this work more for me. I know I feel better. I know I have had success, I know 30 pounds is an accomplishment but it has been since January I want more.

Fast forward to the weekend...dinners are provided in the Escape package, buffet. I go up once and am selective, I make wise choices, I skip desserts, I am a phenomenal baker, unless the desserts rival what I make I do not bother. I snack lightly this weekend, and I am confident on the scale tomorrow I have maintained.
My niece and nephew snap a picture of me, I see it and cringe I am Ginormous and today I am fighting saying " To Hell with it." I am bone sad, I feel like I am defeated. I want to look as good as I am starting to feel. I want to be noticed for my efforts. I want weight loss in large numbers and I want it NOW! I want a plan that is going to work for me, and I feel Weight Watchers is that plan, yet I feel stuck here, will I see 40 pounds, will I ever see 120 pounds? To be honest I have to blog this today as I have had a tendency to just blog when I feel good, I feel bad, I feel sad and I feel like I want someone to kick me in the a** and give me the great attitude I need to go forward.

I have my answers even as I say that I have been good. I ate cheese curls on a hot muggy weekend when I know that I retain fluid, i may have had enough points but it was a bad choice. The Sangria was calorie laden. I could have walked more and am unemployed right now so I can get even more exercise in and I need too. I need to move more and I need to be brutally honest with myself, my wine uses up to many points, I should give more of it up. Yes I am staying within my weeklies, and my dailies, but of I want more results I need to do more. I will find a way, I will lose 120 pounds and I will do it on Weight Watchers.

Tonight I am headed to Target for a pedometer, 10,000 steps a day, that is the goal and I will add weight training at home and hopefully this is a change that will change my attitude. I hope someday I do not see me as ginormous, as until I can look in that mirror and see who I am instead of who I do not want to be, I do not think it will be able change.