I have been drinking my water like a sailor, drinks beer...
It is my way of flushing away the excess salt from my Fourth of July debauchery. It is helping I do feel back on track and I am glad for that as I am telling you, I was feeling so out of control and it is such a wake up call for me, I am never ever going to be anything but vigil with my eating. I think it has left me feeling a little on the low side as well as I want to be able to just not have to think about my weight every day of my life.

I want the freedom to eat with abandon if I want. Have mozzarella sticks without wondering how many points are in one. Order a drink based on what I want to taste not what I want to count.

I have not walked as much as I usually do as the humidity and heat are at dangerous levels and I walk outside. I have a membership to the gym and have not gone more than three times since I signed up for it in February! At least I can say I have been walking and exercising which is good but seriously paying for a gym membership and fear of walking in and being judged keeps me away.

I need to feel good about this journey...Today...I need to feel good about this journey TODAY.

I am glad I just typed that last sentence as it woke me up, I feel this way TODAY. I do not always feel this way and most days I have been pretty darn positive, so like the craziness that followed one days bad eating, that passed so will these feelings.

If I look over this blog entry I see why I am feeling this way, eating poorly...no exercise, two things that since January I have been doing religiously and in return my mood has been good. So my lesson here is, if being vigil about what I eat and how much I exercise, helps me to be in a better mood and feel good about me, it is worth being vigil. I am worth that.

Whining over and...I am going to lay out some clothes to wear to the gym tomorrow..