I have not blogged all month, no courage too, as I have been raw.
My daughter who lived with me has been struggling for the last 6 months with some depression that I feel is bipolar. In that 6 month plus period I have been taking care of my grand-daughter, her two year old. All the while telling her, begging her to get help.
In hind sight I have been enabling her to not seek help. She has had this problem for years and she being "my baby" has gotten away with bad behavior since she was entering her teen years. The last three months the baby has solely been cared for by me and I gave daughter choice to seek mental health or move. She chose to do neither and than on April 6 we had a fight that ended in her striking me and me forcing her to move out and she left the baby with me. Heart Breaking stuff :(
A week later she decided she wants the baby and I had to file for guardianship as she is not stable and I worry for the baby, and now dear sweet grand-daughter is with her Dad, who gives my daughter as much access as she wants and I have visitation until it is resolved in court. I have not spoken to my daughter in a month and we have never gone this long apart, and I know that it is what is necessary to have her take responsibility for her life, but my heart breaks for her and I am heartsick about not seeing grand-daughter but a few times over the last month.

I have learned a lot this month about me.
I hit my 10% while this was going on, and not because of the stress but despite it. I took care of me, I walked, I am up to thirty minutes of brisk walking a day. I used my mantra " There is no food that will make this feel better." When I needed help, I asked for it. When I needed to cry, I did, rather than feed that feeling an oreo cookie. I am proud of me and I am still down 27 pounds. The scale bumped up but I think it is the walking as that is new for me and my body is adjusting, my clothes are getting looser every day and I feel good and strong. I feel sad, Mother's day is upon us and I am feeling distant from one of my two daughters, but I am feeling, not eating. My daughter may not realize that letting her hit bottom is the most loving thing I can do for her, but I know it is and while she may be out of my life for awhile, she will see when she is better that I continued to be a good example and I am taking care of me, which she may learn from.
I have to say that if you have never heard this expression, I hope you hear it now and follow suit.
" Have you been on a plane and heard the flight attendant tell you to put
on your oxygen mask first? The immediate response is, "No way, I need to
take care of my kids (husband, mother, best friend, stranger in the
seat next to me...). The idea clashes with our instinct.

What does it really mean? Simply put: If you don't put your mask on
first, you won't be there for all those other people when they need you.
You will be unconscious.

That is all for today :)